Monday, July 5, 2010

Yahoo! Dating Advice

by: The Admiral

Right or wrong the Admiral chooses to receive his news from either DBSF or the Yahoo! Home page. The Yahoo! Home page usually includes four random news stories as useless as “iCarly gets a new haircut” to interesting scientific news like “Ancient shark fossil with buck teeth discovered.” Basically, it’s hit or miss. But, what I want to discuss is the “Yahoo! Personals Dating Tips” which show up in on the Yahoo! Home page news about every six weeks. I’ve come to the conclusion that Yahoo! wants people to sign up for Yahoo! Personals, use their tips, ensure they never get a second date, and then continue their subscription to Yahoo! Personals. An ingenious business plan really, but let’s explore these gems of dating advice for men from a woman’s perspective.

5 Biggest Dating Mistakes that Single Men Make by Yahoo’s Andrea Syrtash

1. Men Show Off or Try to Impress Too Much. Thank you Yahoo! Thank you Andrea! Brilliant! Next time instead of showing off and impressing my date, I will just ignore her except to let her know that I have no car, I am unemployed, I have no useful talents or skills, and may or may not be married.

2. Men Don't Listen to Us When We're Talking. I didn’t hear that one, so I’m moving on to number 3 & 4. First, I think a clarification needs to be made. Andrea, the truth is “Men Don’t Listen to Us” may just be “Men Don’t Listen to You.” Men will be more than attentive for your more interesting and attractive friend. And when I say attentive what I really mean is that while she rambles on about American Idol and her aspirations to go to beauty school, we will make eye contact and nod while mentally making adjustments to our fantasy baseball strategy.

3. Men Aren't Chivalrous. 4. Men Don't Take Initiative. Leave it to Yahoo Personal’s Secret Business Plan to contradict themselves in a five line article. You want us to show initiative and be chivalrous, but not show off or try to impress you. I’m assuming that this means we’re supposed to find some magical and very narrow middle ground. I guess we can split this one down the middle Andrea; I’ll hold the door for you, but you pick up the check.

5. Men Say They'll Call and Then Don't. As I’ve mentioned, the Yahoo! article was written by Andrea, a woman. She has the misconception that her last one night stand didn’t call her because--while he was really, really into her, nobody had ever told him that he could call for a second date. Andrea assumes that most men are living under the delusion that after you say you will call that your only real option to get a second date is to not call, but send a singing telegram.

Guys aren’t that smart or complicated; if he is into you then you’ll be receiving a call. The only variation on this is the subset of men who follow the Vince Vaughn Swingers advice and wait 3 days. So, after day 4 you can just assume he isn’t interested, or if your self esteem can’t handle that, assume your telephone is broken.

The brutally honest truth that any guy can tell Andrea is that they say they will call, but don’t, because you had no personality, and while you were a 6 or 7 when we passed out, you looked like the Predator the following morning. If you had just let us sneak away as planned no one would have to lie, but when a man sees the below vision blocking the doorway & asking if & when we’ll call, we are basically frightened into a less than truthful answer.


  1. DBSF through various world wide intraweb industry connections learned that the article was to be titled "6 Biggest Dating Mistakes that Single Men Make" but at the last minute the high-ups at Yahoo! chopped #6--Drinking by oneself to "gain clarity".

  2. i want to take this time to send a shout out to all my lady friends.