Friday, July 23, 2010

MML Results Show - Items of the Week - Week 3

by: the Admiral

This week Monday Money Lines gave you 7 money line winners earning +602 units and 6 money line losers at a cost of -600 units for an essentially Even Stevens +2 units this week.

That’s right, MML has flown in the face of all the scientific probabilities and brought you profits in all 3 weeks of prognostications we’ve provided. While it was only +2 units this week, Nick the Greek will tell you that not losing at gambling is just as good as winning. Plus, absent Colorado & Toronto’s 2 late-game fluke implosions & the Houston, Cleveland, and Arizona’s 3 “Marco Jaric marrying and impregnating Adriana Lima” equivalent miracles we would be celebrating an incredible 12-1 record for week 3. But, we can’t change history. We made all the proper wagers (leisure time activities:{legal team edit}) this week and we all know if the proper wager (pleasurable pursuit:{legal team edit}) won every time, MML would be undefeated.

With the business end of MML out of the way, let's go to the Items of the Week.

Items of the Week

This Week’s Results: 7-6, +2 units

Season Total: 27-13, +1056 units

First, we have an Item of the Week update. In response to threatening letters received from M.A.A.D (Mothers Against Advocating Douchebaggery) which assured a DBSF boycott we are no longer gearing our Items of the Week to douchebags. Some will criticize us for caving, but M.A.A.D. is a respected non-profit group doing important work; and to extend an olive branch I am forgoing my personal item of the week and spending my entire 2 units this week on a donation to this fine organization.

The rest of you can’t be as frivolous as previous weeks, but you do have $2 to burn, so let’s get to the new and improved “douchebag-free & dolphin-safe” Items of the Week. For you newbies, the Items of the Week are 1 item you could have purchased if you had the bravery, guts, nerve, valor, and daring to use MMLs picks this week and an alternate item I recommend.

Item - $1.99 – iPod Download of the “Guido Sensation” video

If you have not had the pleasure of seeing the Guido Sensation video yet, you will want to watch it before continuing. A little background/setup: The Patron-drinking, Yankees obsessed, and self-branded “Guido Sensation” is both saddened and enraged that his cousin Nick would betray New York, the Yankees, and Patron Tequila to attend some worthless, insignificant, unimpressive college in Boston by the name of Harvard; where everyone is a pussy and probably drinks Natty Ice**.

**The views & opinions paraphrased in this blog regarding the city of Boston, Harvard University, Natty Ice, and pussies are solely those of the Guido Sensation and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or official positions of primary blog contributors the Admiral & DBSF, the staff and management of the Dem Bammas Straight Frying blog, or any other subsidiary fully or partially owned by our corporate parent umbrella, Disney Worldwide; although we all do kind of agree that nobody likes pussies or Natty Ice. {legal team edit}

So, it’s not the most luxurious item, but thank to MML, at least you’re buying it with house money. Anytime you are feeling down or wonder what direction you life is going, just pull out your video iPod, press play, and thank the Lord that you are not the Guido Sensation. One caveat; enjoy the video, but be careful never to run into the Guido Sensation in a dark alley; not so much because he is the kind of guy that will ‘kick your ass’, ‘slap your roommate’, or ‘slap your teacha’’, but because as the video can attest to, no matter when or where you run into the Guido Sensation, this guy is not far behind………..

Alternate Item of the Week – 6-pack of Natty Ice - $2.00
While no one is denying the enjoyment and self-esteem boost potential of watching the Guido Sensation, MML is pretty sure you can find it for free on YouTube. So our recommended alternative for your $2 is an ice cold 6 pack of Natty Ice. Light on cost, and lighter on flavor, Natty Ice is like prison toilet moonshine for law abiding citizens. Like most of you, I don’t actually enjoy drinking Natural Ice and suggest you go ahead and buy a bottle of Jim Beam if you plan on actually doing some drinking this week. You are not buying the Natty Ice to drink, you are buying it because it makes you feel good to know that somewhere, somehow, the Guido Sensation's soul dies a little bit every time someone passes on Patron Tequila in favor of Natty Ice. To put salt in the wound, I personally am going to go buy mine while wearing a 1997 Nomar Garciapparra BoSox jersey.


  1. i don't i agree i can get with natty ice playa

  2. It sounds like you and the Guido Sensation could not be very good friends. Which is surprising since you've been friends with me (the Guido Phenomenon) for 20 years.