Thursday, July 22, 2010

Please Leave me Alone

by: the Admiral

In the preceding video Brian the Dog is the overbearing, overprotective, over-annoying , 40 year old parents with 2 year old kids that feel like they can impart parenting advice to me. I would be Cleveland, because I want to punch them in the dick right now.

Middle-aged first time parents, there is no wisdom you can impart to me. You’ve been a parent a whole 2 of your 40 depressing years on this planet while I’ve been a parent half my life. My mom never believed me when I said there were advantages to having a baby right out of high school, but whose laughing now.

My friends certainly weren’t jealous back then, but while they are now starting their families and being sentenced to 18 to life sentences that will run at least in to their 50s, I am only a few years away from my 36 year old empty nest. Speaking of Empty Nest, maybe I could get a sitcom where I live next to Joe Isuzu and the remaining Golden Girl (RIP Blanche, Sophia, Dorothy).

Anyway, even worse than the direct “advice” I sometimes receive from these newly minted parenting experts, is the passive aggressive advice that they try to give me THROUGH my son.

“Hello Admiral Jr., do you always speak so sarcastically to adults?”

And while I know Admiral Jr. can fend for himself, I feel the need to jump in.

“No, not always, he only does that to annoying tools like you. He knows it makes me laugh.”

The bottom line is that some people may not think it’s appropriate that my son can count cards or hit a 3 game parlay, but I’m teaching him life skills that go way beyond the classroom, so PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.


  1. But the baby getting sprayed with the hose looks like he's having the most fun. Arms flailing, you can almost tell he's thinking "woooooo".

  2. The baby being force fed the enormous hambone brings back a lot of childhood memories.

    "You-A so skinny. Mangia. Mangia"

    "I'm 3, and I weigh 285."

    "You speak-a to your motha like that. Disgracia!"