Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Ocean City Dodge Neon Expo, Day Trois (Fin)

On the third and final day of the Dodge Neon Expo in Ocean City, MD DBSF finally made it into the convention center. It turns out that most of the scheduled participants didn't make it to the expo when ten miles outside of Ocean City they encountered a group of Dodge and Plymouth Neons in the parking lot of the Hardee's off I-113, and decided to make a Neon conglomerate and speed up and down various rural interstates

For the five or so attendees who weren't outside smoking Newport's when DBSF arrived at the convention center DBSF learned there are two critical components to having a "dope, word" (not DBSF's terminology) Neon.

First, something must be put over the muffler to make it wheeze very loud. Actual engine performance and capability is inconsequential; exhaust volume, on the other hand, is of the utmost importance. Second, stickers-similar to volume-best capture the true essence of the Neon. Stickers are distinguished into three categories, and any real Neon owner should have all three.

First, there should be a sticker promoting a performance engine component that you either do or do not have in your Neon. Second, a sticker indicating that you are brave/ don't take sh*t. The classic is "No Fear"; "Never Scared" also suffices. Finally, a sticker should illustrate the Neon owner's affinity for voluptuous women in thonged bathing suits; usually doing something very masculine like playing poker or fixing a car engine (note: in the sticker the car being worked upon usually appears to be a Ford F-150 and not a Neon; if DBSF had more time he would have investigated this anomaly).

In the end however, DBSF learned that both the exhaust sound magnifying device and plethora of stickers can be supplanted with a spoiler that rises above the roof of the Neon. So there you have it. Signing off from 109th St.

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