by: the Admiral
I think everyone should do some type of public service. You could do Adopt-A-Highway or a recycling drive to help the environment. You could volunteer at a retirement home or Habitat for Humanity and help your fellow man. The retirement home is extra fun because there are so many senile seniors. There are a million ways to turn that into entertainment, but I personally would make them do Civil War reenactments in the activities room. Anyway, for my part I do my public service by watching America’s Most Wanted whenever I get the chance.
So far we’ve caught 1123 fugitives to date. Even though I’ve never personally caught one, the system doesn’t work unless a few million viewers like me tune in, so I feel secure in taking credit for putting these 1123 criminals behind bars. Even though I'm directly responsible for taking over 1000 dangerous felons off the street, the truth is, for all the years that I’ve tuned in, I never thought I would actually be the person that could call in with specific information that would break a case. That all changed this week.
After watching this video you are probably as shocked as I was that the Palm Beach Police Department & The U.S. Marshals Florida Fugitive Task Force after seeing the police artist sketch the victims help create would ASSIGN the Palm Beach rapist (Officer Charlie Feehely) to solve his own case. No wonder the case has grown cold. I doubt Officer Feehely is just going to turn himself in, but it is still pretty brazen to go on AMW to present a sketch of himself to America. It goes without saying, but after seeing this segment I called in immediately.
AMW: AMW, How can I help you?
Me: Please put Officer Feehely on the phone. I have info on the Palm Beach rapist.
Officer Feehely: Hello, yes, you have info on the PBR?
Me: More than info, I know who it is, and I know why you haven’t caught him.
Officer F: (nervously) Why's that?
Me: This will be no surprise to you; the Palm Beach Rapist is you, Charlie Feeley of the US Marshals Florida Fugitive Task Force. I'll give you credit, you have huge balls Chuck, coming on AMW, but you done fucked up. The gigs up. Turn yourself in.
Officer F: (very nervously) This is ridiculous. What makes you so sure?
Me: Come on guy, I saw the sketch. Me, and 6 million other people. You're done.
Officer F: ???
Officer F: ??? (more silence)
AMW Operator: That must have been a great tip. He just ran out of here like a bat out of hell.
And that is the story of how Detective DDFoot cracked the case of the Palm Beach Rapist. So, I guess I’m some kind of a hero now. I wonder if there is a reward………………