Thursday, July 29, 2010

ATM Blackout

by: the Admiral

I am getting ready to leave for Las Vegas and I feel I may be unable to post any original material during my trip. I know that they have the internet in Nevada, but the reason I may be unable to post is that it is hard to do when suffering from a self-diagnosed illness that I am susceptible to, and have been afflicted with on multiple occasions in Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and various Indian Reservations. It’s self diagnosed because I’ve found no literature on it in either the American Medical Association Dictionary of Illnesses or the American Psychiatric Association Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders.

I call the illness Gambling Depression (GD) and it is characterized by excessive crying, the inability to feel your life can go on, and the liquidating one’s 401K. I’ve surmised that the precursor virus to GD lives outside the body on ATM machines and magnetic strips to credit cards with high cash advance limits. I know this because every time I’ve come down with GD it was after I frequented a casino cage with my credit card and/or a nearby ATM 10 to 20 times within a 90 minute time period.

The strange part is I rarely remember these trips; I think that is because I have found that 15 to 20 bourbons at the onset of GD can suppress many of the symptoms very quickly. This inevitably leads to blackouts, so the only reason I know about the ATM visits associated with GD is that after I wake up with a post blackout hangover I take an inventory of what is in my pockets. I organize everything I can find chronologically by timestamp and try to recreate my evening.

The following was from my bout with GD in May, 2004. The last thing I remember was leaving my friends at the poker table with the intention of going straight to the elevator and to bed because we had been in Vegas for less than 8 hours and I had already lost more than I care to recall. At 11:30 I was at the elevator lobby waiting for the elevator to come when I found a $100 chip in my pocket. I remember thinking; “I’ll just stay 5 more minutes and see what I can do with this. What’s the worst that can happen?” Well, to tell the truth I do not know what happened, but here were my time-stamped clues which I used to try and figure it out.

11:32 P.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – remaining cking balance $4374.84

11:49 P.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – remaining cking blance $3374.84

11:58 P.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – remaining cking balance $2274.84

12:06 A.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – remaining cking balance $1274.84

12:08 A.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – remaining cking balance $274.84

12:12 A.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – Transaction DENIED

12:12 A.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – Transaction DENIED

12:13: A.M. – ATM Receipt - $1,000 withdrawal – Transaction DENIED

12:13 A.M. – ATM Receipt – Balance Inquiry – remaining cking balance $274.84

12:13 A.M – ATM Receipt - $260 withdrawal – remaining cking balance $14.84

12:18 A.M – ATM Receipt - $20 withdrawal – Transacstion DENIED

12:18 A.M – ATM Receipt - $10 withdrawal – remaining cking balance $4.84

12:25 A.M. - – Sbarro receipt - $2.75 – Slice of Sicilian Pizza, Pepperoni

(Background: Even when I lose everything gambling, I usually save enough for a slice of Sbarro pizza. It helps me think and I will usually come up with a brilliant idea immediately after eating it. After seeing this receipt, I had a good feeling my Timestamp Story was going to take a step in a brilliant direction.)

12:33 A.M – I.O.U. - "$750 – Darnell Jenkins, My New Best Friend from Sioux City Iowa"

(Glad to see I made a friend. This guy must be a sucker though, loaning money to someone he has never met? I honestly would pay him back but it’s not my fault he left no contact info. Although, it’s in my pocket, so I must have already paid him back. So this means I must have won money. Sbarro must have saved the day again.)

12:45 A.M – Citation from Las Vegas PD for Drunken Disorderly- $400 fine & police report on back – "The Admiral (assailant) was observed grabbing casino chips at the roulette table belonging to a casino patron and forcibly trying to shove a piece of paper into the pocket of this patron at the same time. Feeling threatened, the patron struck the assailant in the face and knocked him temporarily unconscious. Upon arrival of the LVPD the patron, a Mr. Darnell Jenkins, explained that the assailant had just introduced himself to Mr. Jenkins a few moments earlier when he sat down at the roulette table while eating a slice of pizza. Mr. Jenkins showed us an IOU that the assailant was trying to force into Mr. Jenkin’s coat pocket while he was attempting to steal the casino chips. Mr. Jenkins does not wish to press charges, so the IOU was returned to the assailant and we walked him to his hotel room and told him we would let him off with just a citation for drunken disorderly if he promised not to leave his hotel room again until morning. He assured us he would not be leaving the room and would be going straight to bed.

12:47 A.M – ATM Receipt - $100 withdrawl – Transaction DENIED

12:55 A.M – Casino Cage Credit Card Advance - $10,000 cash, $2300 casino surcharge – Remaining credit $27,300

(Duh, when my ATM maxed out I should have thought of this before that whole IOU stunt. Fucking Sbarro. I can’t wait to see how much and how quickly I turned this 10K into big bucks. I’m dying to see the next time-stamped receipt. Probably a receipt for a Porche)

1:08 A.M. – Casino Cage Credit Card Advance - $25,000 cash, $2300 casino surcharge - $0 credit remaining

(Ouch, Well I’m sure this lasted much longer.)

1:21 A.M – Caesar’s Business Center Receipt - $12 - 20 minutes of Internet Usage

1:24 A.M. – Printout of Ask.Com Search Results for “I seriously doubt it, but is it possible I have a gambling problem?”

1:28 A.M. – Printout of GoogleSearch Results for- “Easiest Ways to Commit Suicide”

2:05 A.M. - Taxi Receipt - $12 – Caesar’s Palace to Las Vegas Pawn Shop

2:12 A.M. – Las Vegas Pawn Shop Receipt - $325 – 9MM handgun

2:28 A.M – Taxi Receipt - $12 – Las Vegas Pawn Shop to Caesar’s Palace

2:57 A.M. – Taxi Receipt - $12 – Caesar’s Palace to Las Vegas Pawn Shop

3:05 A.M. – Las Vegas Pawn Shop Receipt - $25 – Ammo for 9MM handgun

3:25 A.M. – Taxi Receipt - $12 – Las Vegas Pawn Shop to Caesar’s Palace

3:33 A.M. – Caesar’s Gift Shop - $30 – Pack of Cigarettes, Caesar’s Pen, Caesar’s Stationary

4:25 A.M. – Paper with the follow written. “4:25 AM – Sunday Morning - I have emptied my checking account, put huge advances on my CC, and tried to steal money from my new best friend, I don’t deserve to live. If you are reading this I am dead. Good bye cruel world.

4:45 A.M. – Pink Guest Copy of Claim Check from Caesar’s Lost and Found – Time Reported-4:45 AM, Sunday. Approximate Time Lost-3:35 AM, Sunday. Description of Item- 9MM handgun. Last Place Seen-I think I left it in the Gift Shop.

5:35 A.M – Room Service Receipt – Cookies. Warm Milk.

My friends walked in at 6AM after a night of partying, so even though I can’t remember I can only assume that I slept from 5:40 to 6AM. Just as I was coming out of my blackout and before I went back to bed for a few more hours I know one of them said, “You missed a great night sleeping in here like a baby, loser.”
Public knowledge about Gambling Depression is the only way to get research to stem the tide of this horrible disease. The More You Know....................

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