Monday, May 10, 2010

Josh Beckett, You're F'ing Out!



With the Red Sox in fourth place in the AL East cellar** and six and a half games out of first place, Boston fans are starting to play the blame game because one of their major sports teams might not win their respective league championship. Bastan (as the home crowd pronounces it) fans most likely blame the slump on Big Papi's ball-bat avoidance technique, and lackluster pitching.

DBSF believes the later deserves further scrutiny. Examine the two pictures above. What do you notice? Yeah, that's right--over one off-season superstar pitcher Josh Beckett has transformed himself into Kenny "F'ing" Powers. Beckett has one win in seven starts and a 7.46 ERA that would make Danys Baez ashamed. This doesn't necessarily spell the end for Beckett but, DBSF recommends that unlike his doppelganger Kenny Powers, Beckett focus on more than just real sports and try to be the best at exercising.

**(DBSF recognizes that there are 5 teams in the AL East and that the term 'cellar' is typically reserved for the last place team but considering the Baltimore Oriole's perennial inefficacy the cellar in the AL East is fourth place. The Orioles are in a lower circle of hell that is well below the cement floors and sewer pipes of most conventional residential property).

7 comments:

  1. that motherfucker beckett. SWEET HEMP NECKLACE BRO. go back to salisbury

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  2. F*ck that noise, Jack. S&J's is no Shabooms.

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  3. I've been to the bar that Josh Beckett used to live above in Portland, ME. It's awesome, and called Fore Play if I remember correctly. I think he might be spending a little too much time there and not enough time at the gym.

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  4. I just appreciate that his stomach moves about one second before his arm and the ball.

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  5. I'll have you know the Orioles have been rebuilding for at least a decade. With that level of focus and determination, something great has to come out of it, right? I mean, I think we're looking at the eventual Taj Mahal of baseball.

    I will remain a fan regardless of how much it hurts my feelings to do so.

    Kool Blog!

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  6. Similar effort and preparation were put into the Titanic.

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  7. I agree, they will be most titanic, and eventually... Wait. You mean that boat that hit an iceberg and sank, don't you. Shit.

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