Yesterday the Cleveland Cavaliers announced that they had fired their head coach, Mike Brown. This came as a bit of a surprise to DBSF because he didn’t know that the Cavaliers had a formal head coach.
Rather, DBSF believed that a cadre of assistant coaches would swarm LeBron during timeouts and stoppages in play, and toe the organization line with various acts of soothing sycophancy for their non-committal star. Occasionally, one of the assistant coaches would scribble something on a game board. Most fans thought it was a play, but in reality it turned out to be some positive affirmation praising King James for his powder clap, or incessant nail biting.
Contrary to DBSF’s understanding, Brown was in fact the coach of the Cavaliers over the past 5 season. It turns out that he was the bald guy in the suit who would clap and low-five players as they came off the court, and who would tell Zydrunas Illgauskus to move to the end of the bench—past the water boys—because he was “smelling too Ukranian.”