Thursday, June 17, 2010

Why Today's NBA Stars have Teams of Advisors

Surely Bird and Magic became fond of each other over years of professional and collegiate competition but, this picture depicts two gazes reserved only for when one is dedicating a sonnet to another under some willowy tree bordering a tranquil pond (with minimal to no fly/ gnat/ mosquito interference).

DBSF believes this is why today's NBA stars have so many advisers, who offer guidance on such promotional events so the stars look . . . well less in love. Presumably Magic and Bird, just thought "What the hell, the photographer just said hold the trophy and look at the man. That's what I'm doing." Today's advisers would probably counsel as follows:

Modern-day Bird Advisor: "Okay, gaze a little less romantically. A little less. A little less. Okay now not so forlorn. Okay, that's not working. Try to pretend he just said something mean to you. He insulted your mustache. No? (Advisor aside: "Larry, PS we need you too off that mustache. That thing's gonna land you on some FBI sex offender list any day now and once that happens we can kiss Nike and Adidas good-bye.") Okay, Larry how about we just throw on a less tight jersey? Fine, fine. Keep the jersey, keep the gaze just look at his shoulder or like the ceiling."

Modern-day Magic Advisor: "Magic give us a little angry. Grrrrrr. Fight. No, no. Okay you're just smiling. It looks like you want to break into some soliloquy about lost love. Caress the basketball on the trophy a little less . . . a little less . . . a little less. [To photographer and production team] "Yeah we're gonna need all of the negatives. I'll have some of my boys work this out in photo shop. Actually we're gonna need the negatives and the camera. Just to be safe."

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