Thursday, June 24, 2010

Real Talk: Bobsledding

After watching a tennis match go ten hours, and have a fifth set that at 59-59 has surpassed the scoring total of 90% of Big East basketball games, DBSF got to thinking about the periphery sports world. While Western Europeans and wealthier Americans will balk at tennis being classified as 'periphery', most everyone will acknowledge that bobsledding is essentially an inherently periphery sport. It's to sports to what the DeLorean is to automotive transportation.

What makes bosledding periphery? Well, how does one practice it? Essentially you get four bros who don't weight too much, can run fast to push the sleighed go-cart on some ice track. DBSF has to believe the try-outs for a bobsledding team can't be too discriminatory.

"Are you under 180 lbs? Check. Can you run semi-fast and somewhat on pace with three other guys? Check. Can you lean to the left or right depending upon the direction of a turn? Congratulations, you'll be representing your country in the Olympics."

Perhaps DBSF's biggest concern with bobsledding is the course. As he understands it, no two courses are alike. Bobsledders just have to fly down the track and be ready to lean. It's not like Daytona or Pimlico where bobsledders can come in with some course strategy.

Further, you can't just go out in your back yard, or to the neighborhood rec center and get on the track. Bobsledders literally need someone to build an ice-roller coaster for them to practice. DBSF imagines that the demand for ice roller coasters is probably minimal to non-existent, which would suggest that the supply (i.e., producers/ builders of ice-roller coasters) is equally small. If that's the case then practice pretty much occurs only at competitions, which as far as DBSF understands is the Olympics.

So, DBSF guesses that the moral here is, if one doesn't weigh too much, is relatively fast and able to follow footsteps, possesses the ability to lean bi-directionally, and is indifferent to crouching down in a curved piece of metal with three other men for a minute or two then the Olympic dream is within reach (and, thus, at least w/r/t bobsledding DBSF has discovered the most egalitarian and non-discriminatory sport on earth).


  1. You know what else is periphery? These nuts.

    Dude, lets get 2 more and try out for the olympics -- perhaps both of our brothers?

  2. Dan you're normally spot on, but did you see the American's who won is this year? Some of them are on the "I was a D-1 athlete in college and still eat like I burn 9,000 calories a day" diet. So all I'm saying is, instead of drafting Mick, you might wanna pick up Justin. You need some weight to get the damn sled going down the hill after all.

  3. An all PG County American bobsled team would pretty much guarantee a sequel to Cool Runnings. John Candy's character would have to be played by Heavy D or something though.