The (Unintentionally?) Scariest Commercial of All Time

by: the Admiral

Before we discuss this product go ahead and watch the above video; it’s an ad for the beauty product Rejuvinique, ak.a. the Mike Myers Halloween face electrocution mask. If you are at work, watch it without sound and you will be disturbed. Then when you get home, listen to it with sound and get prepared to be found dead in the closet like that girl from The Ring.

I have dozens of questions for the sick people at Rejuvinique, but for now let’s just explore some general observations.

• They spell the name of their product Réjuvénique. I took 3 years of high school French and I’m almost positive that there are too many accents. The é is called the Accent Aigui and turns the “ah” sound into an “ay” sound. So basically American companies will overuse it to make words sound like they are coming from a French chef in a Disney movie. RAYJUVAYNIQUE!!!! I can just see the brainstorming session where they came up with the product name. “Hey guys, lets call it Rejuvinute, you know ‘Rejuvinate’ and ‘Electrocute’. “No, no no, people love FRENCH beauty products. Call it Réjuvénique and put in as many accents in it as we can get away with.
• I have to say thank goodness that 19 seconds in when she was putting on her serial killer mask that they included this red arrow to show us how a Velcro strap works. I guess it may be necessary because you would have to be a paranoid schizophrenic or complete psycho to use this product, and those people don’t do so well with either common sense or written instructions.
• I love the part where the dots start to glow on the mask. Since you are inside the mask you cant see these lights unless you are the type of person that stares in the mirror while you electrocute yourself while imagining all the helpless teenagers you will dismember and feed on. Since any horror movie will tell you that serial killers don’t like looking at themselves in the mirror I have to assume this is some sort of headlight to help you see your victims in the dark while chasing after their delicious brains.
• In big red print the ad says “NEVER immerse or rinse in water or other liquids”. The  message is clear, if this product gets wet, you die! So what does this woman do, she hops in the tub and puts on her Psycho Death Mask. I don’t know if she is contemplating suicide or its some challenge set up by her husband, Jigsaw.
• By the way, you must have a fear of death if the FrankenMask touches liquid? I wore a Mike Myers mask for Halloween when I was 9 and I was sweating profusely before I even collected my first Bite Size Snickers. If you expect people to put this thing on, shock themselves, and NOT sweat, your R&D department needs to go back to the drawing board.
• If the women (and one man) in this ad are not in fact serial killers, they must be hostages. Maybe of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs? This suspicion is partially confirmed in the below scene where "It puts the lotion on the mask!”.
• And finally, I know that when I am sitting calmly on my couch being burned and scarred by a torture device that my first thought is, “I should catch up on my Reader’s Digest.” If this product were used by a non-serial killer they would be writhing in pain on the floor in the fetal position praying for death, not trying to bone up on current events.

“This recipe for Chicken Kiev looks delightful, I wonder if I can substitute brain.”