Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Day That Movies Died

by: the Admiral

Everyone always said that Don McLean’s American Pie was about the death of Buddy Holly & the Big Bopper. I know better, and before the lyrics were changed it was a prophetic ballad written in the 1960s about how no good movie would be made after the 1980-1989 pinnacle of American Cinema. The song narrator is a paperboy reading the awful movies section in the paper and reminiscing about great 80s movies of his childhood. Then he spots a headline about January 1, 1990, the day that movies died.

For those that forget the tune can listen here before reading.

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How those movies used to make me smile.
And I knew when I had the chance,
That I could go and watch Flashdance,
And maybe, I’d be happy for a while.

But Days of Thunder made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Tom Cruise’s first misstep;
Like 21 Jump Street Johhny Depp.
I can’t remember if I cried,
When I said goodbye to the Princess Bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day that movies died.

So bye-bye, Mr. George McFly.
Loved when Swayze danced with Baby,
And every movie with Sly.
And both of the Coreys were in Licensed to Drive,
And no one ever heard of Vanilla Sky.

Do you watch Flavor of Love,
And forget about the Ghostbustas,
Not to mention 3CPO;
Do you believe in Indiana Jones,
And Arnold starring in Commando,
Or Star Trek 4: The Voyage Hoooome.

commando.png image by robhumanick

Well I used to know Keith Sutherland,
Before Flatliners with Kevin Bacon.
What happened to you dude?
Man, I dug you in Footlooooose!!!
Was I the only preteen that was struck,
With the film genius of Uncle Buck,
I knew that life was gonna suck,
The day, that movies died.

I started singin’,
Bye-bye, Mr. George McFly,
Lampoon’s Chevy, Once hot Demi,
And the Cobra Kai.
The Breakfast Club and the sequel to Fly,
And especially Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Now for over ten years all the movies have blown,
Eddie Murphy’s fat, and so is Sharon Stone,
That’s not how is used to be.
Before Jerry Stiller starred in the King of Queens,
And livers were eaten with fava beans,
And the best films were all PG-thirrrrteeeeeen.,

Oh, while John Hughes was looking down,
Some jokers stole his movie crown,
Two thumbs are earned,
But no one seems concerned.

Back when the Gremlins and Steve Speilburg’s shark,
Were more fun than an amusement park,
And no one had heard of Marky Mark,
Before, the movies died.

We were singin’,
Bye-bye, Mr. George McFly,
Give me Beetljuice, Rain Man,
And Rocky Five,
I love the Lost Boys and Magnum P.I.,
And even Born on the Fourth of July.

Back then Ogre wore a varsity letter,
And Van Damme’s kicks were never better,
Now Eight Mile’s on, and I’ll pass.
The films now are not in Goonie’s class,
Or Bloodsport with its all star cast,
Or Miyagi, up in heaven, kicking aaaaass.

The movies now can not touch Dune,
Private Benjamin or Temple of Doom.
We wished we could romance,
the hot girl from Flashdance!
We even watched The Killing Fields,
Weekend at Bernie’s was the real deal,
And RoboCop was made of steel,
And then, the movies died.

We were singing,
Bye-bye, Mr. George McFly,
To the Never Ending Story,
And to Staying Alive,
And they did it all without C.G.I,
But are ten times better than District 9.

When the TriLams won the tricycle race,
Spaceballs was lost in space.
So come on: Rob DeNiro, please be quick,
Come out with a decent flick,
Cause Meet the Parents made me sick.

And 90s flims about coming of age,
Send me into some fits of rage,
No one older than 12,
Could think they’re written well.

And as lame films come out every night,
That make a person want to fight,
I saw they all forgot how to write,
The day, that movies died.

He was singin,
Bye-bye, Mr. George McFly,
16 Candles, Bachelor Party,
8 Million Ways to Die,
Obi Wan, Freddy Krueger, and Weird Science say bye,
Today's movies make me want to die.

I met a guy from Porkys 2,
And I asked him for some happy news.
But he just smiled and said watch Blu-Ray.
So I went down to the video store,
Where Erol’s was located years before,
But the man there said Rugged Warehouse was all that staaaayed.

Friday 13th: made children scream,
The Society of Dead Poets dreamed
Not a word was spoken;
The films now all are broken.
And the three movies I admire most:
Breakin’, Big, & anything but Ghost,
They joined Purple Rain for the coast
The day that movies died.

And they were singing,
Bye-bye, Mr. George McFly,
Drug Store Cowboy, Croc Dundee,
And Just One of the Guys,
And Feldman and Haim were doing blow every night,
Thinking We’ll be famous til the day that we die.
Famous til the day that we die.

In Loving Memory
Corey Haim
December 23, 1971 – March 10, 2010


  1. Oh, how I miss the costume ensembles

  2. That dude in just one of the guys had a nice rack.

  3. Admiral, you have too much time on ur hands.

  4. I included 9 movie posters especially for you.

    You never did like the Speak N Spell when you were younger, did you?