Two months ago Levi Johnston announced that after accomplishing every known aspiration of the entertainment industry he would run for mayor of Wasa . . . Wasi . . Wawa . . Wa, a town in Alaska, it doesn't really matter.
This week Levi announced his Mayoral platform at the hallmark of political media, The View. DBSF was fortunate enough to catch Levi on a chaw break outside the studio and see how the campaign is going.
DBSF: Levi, last time DBSF checked you had unnapologized, after apologizing for unapologizing post an apology for offending the Palin family. Is that right? Two sets of apologies/ unapologies?
Levi: Triple unapologized last time, bra. So like 5 or 6 unapologies to like 2 apologies. But, after the first apology I said "I'm not sorry" in my head. So, it was like "sorry, I'm not sorry".
DBSF: So 6 unapologies to 1.5 apologies.
Levi: Spits. Gives a look that he had little intention of discussing arithmetic today.
DBSF: Now, you're running to be the Mayor of Wasilla on the anti-platform, platform of you don't have a platform. Is this some postmodern, avant garde poke at campaign hysteria? You know where candidates, like start running for office 3 years before an election and promise everything and anything in the process?
Levi: I don't have to tell no one what I'm gonna do, less I tell 'em.
DBSF: And your qualification, according to you, is that you quote, live in town.
Levi: Takes off shirt and starts showing teeth in a threatening manner.
DBSF: Well, DBSF sees you're busy. Perhaps you can tell us what you would do your first day in office--lower taxes, raise salaries for town employees?
Levi: Strike of midnight, I'm takin' the crossbow and the snowmobile out and going Medal of Honor on any cat or raccoon I see prowlin' the streets. Vig-eh-lan-tee justice!
DBSF: You'd make Charles Bronson proud.