At the Movies – Wall Street Part Deux

by: the Admiral

The concept and rating system for At the Movies can be found here.

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Apparently every two years movie executives in need of a late summer cash cow have come up with a surefire way of padding their bottom line at the expense of an 80s classic. They just pick some of the greatest movies ever made (which is synonymous with saying 80s movies), throw $25 million at its original star without as much as showing him the script, and then drop in Shia Lebouf to make it relatable to the 13 to 23-year-old demographic.

In 2008 they turned arguably the best movie trilogy ever filmed on its head by pairing a dementia suffering, pants shitting, arthritic Harrison Ford with the previously mentioned Signor LeBouf in Indiana Jones 4 – Search for Grandpa Jones’ Car Keys

Now in 2010 they’ve put ShiLab* (nickname I’m copyrighting*) in an Armani suit, and by the looks of this movie poster have apparently pulled Michael Douglas’ corpse out of a graveyard, stuffed him full of hay, and installed an animatronic mouth on him in order for his propped up cadaver to have a few lines in this movie. It’s like a real life Weekend at Bernies.

Speaking of Weekend at Bernies, Universal Studios has just greenlighted production for the 2012 release of Weekend at Bernies 33 1/3 starring Andrew McCarthey once again as Larry Wilson, Shia Lebouf as a nondescript young hip guy whose lines will just be adlibbed during filming, and the decomposed skeletal remains of Bernie Lomax will be played by the decomposed skeletal remains of a dead drifter the head of Universal accidentally killed with his car while driving drunk on his way home from work.

Anyway, Indiana Jones and Bernie Lomax aside, ‘At the Movies’ only reviews movies that are currently at the Cineplex, so let’s refocus on Wall Street: Part Deux. Michael Douglas won an Academy Award for his 1987 portrayal of Wall Street cutthroat Gordon Gekko and that role has been widely praised as one of the greatest movie villains of all time. My instincts tell me that despite this pedigree, the entertainment value of the 2010 portrayal of Gordon Gekko is more likely to be on par with the Geico Gecko than anything else.

If the history of delayed sequels tells us anything (i.e. Rocky 6, Godfather 3, Indiana Jones 4, Gremlins 2, Basic Instinct 2, etc.), it is that even for some of the best movies ever made, the 5+ year hiatus is the death knell for sequels.

Michael Douglas was smart enough to steer clear of the 14 years in the making Basic Instinct 2, so I can only surmise that he took this current role because he needed a quick payday. Whether he and Catherine Zeta Jones are building a new Beverly Hills mansion or he needs hush money to cover up the murder, dismemberment, and disposal of her body, I just wish he had chosen a better project.

At the Movies Rating – 2 Meatballs