Tuesday, September 21, 2010

NFL Quarterbacks: A Case Study in White Affirmative Action

To the dismay of anybody who has watched football this season (in addition to individuals with even the most rudimentary comprehension of arithmetic), Andy Reid has announced that Kevin Kolb will get the start over Michael Vick at QB against Jacksonville. Before getting concussed in week one versus Green Bay, Kolb put a Delhommian 5-10 for 24 yards in a half of play. In addition, to mastering the two and out, and the ability to check-off every non-fullback eligible receiver, Kolb was able to secure a 17 point deficit before Vick took over.

In week one (in a half of football) Vick brought the Eagles back and within a chance of winning on a meager 175 yards passing and another 103 on the ground (note: that one half of running equals more rushing yards in two games for starting RBs Clinton Portis, Matt Forte, Ricky Williams, and Jahvid Best. Also, Vick currently leads the NFL in yards per rush.) He followed up that performance with a 284 yard, 2 TD, 0 pic win over Detroit on Sunday. Kolb on the other hand, has 4 TDs, 7 pics and a 56.3 QB rating for his entire FOUR year career. Those are numbers the McCown brothers would laugh at.

So why does Kolb get the start over Vick? DBSF believes the only plausible explanation is white affirmative action. The Eagles had a brother taking snaps for the last eleven years. So, do you really think that the same city that used to fill only 55% of its seats in the early 80's when Dr. J led the Sixers to back to back Finals, is going to subject itself to another high-melanin QB? No way. Eagles fans will take Kolb doing Matt Cassel impersonations while fantasizing about 150+ yard passing games,and take pride in the fact that they've played their part in rectifying racial imbalance one ineffective white quarterback at a time.

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