Vegas Hangover - Monday Money Lines - Aug 2

by: the Admiral


I'll need to have this confirmed, but as far as I can tell I did make it back essentially alive from Vegas. As difficult as typing & thinking are right now I am battling through it for the Monday Money Lines faithful. I brought you Monday Money Lines last week despite the area-wide power outage & lack of a properly functioning computer, & this week I’m bringing you MML despite my wide-spread sanity outage, and lack of properly functioning comprehension skills.

I arrived in Vegas on Thursday and I discovered that while the system behind Monday Money Lines picks have been a proven success, it apparently doesn’t work very well on Thursdays, Fridays, or Saturdays. But that is not a problem for the MML faithful, it’s just an issue for me, whichever manager foolishly signed off on my marker at the sportsbook, and whichever maid had to dispose of my Gambling Depression medication partially shown here.



As I mentioned last week, GD is self diagnosed and so the treatment is self-administered I am still tinkering with the dosage. It seems as though 8 room service carts piled 4 feet high with empty gallon bottles of Jim Beam and 2,800 beer bottles did the trick, but I’m pretty sure I could have had the same GD relief with 6 carts worth and we could have avoided someone being powerbombed through a glass table.

Quick side-note #1. I love Express Checkout. I pull up my bill on the TV fully expecting to see all the charges I recall, which is $9 for mixed nuts and $4 for a Sierra Mist; BUT when you log in and instead see $8800 worth of variously strange charges on the room that you don’t recognize then Express Checkout gives you just enough time to cancel your credit card they have on file, run away from the Rain Man Suite, and hitch a cab to the airport.

Quick side-note #2. For anyone who was in Vegas with me, no matter how much merriment, enjoyment, riotous depravity, amusement, or exuberance we shared or how many times I high-fived you or expressed nostalgic fondness for you in a shameful whiskey-fueled bromancing session I have to warn you that the opposite is now true. Vegas camaraderie becomes East Coast hate somewhere over Arkansas. I hate all of you. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to speak to you, I don’t want to know you, if you were standing here I’d fight you, and I wish you were all dead. This will be in effect for the entire 125 hour post-Vegas hangover, and then we can all be friends again.

Now, the picks. As always, these picks are for entertainment purposes only. Although when I kept bringing my losing tickets back to the sportsbook asking for refunds and explaining that I had only made the wagers for entertainment purposes they were not very understanding. I think the words ‘lifetime banishment’ and ‘immediate arrest for trespassing upon reentry into the building’ were bantered about.

TOR@NYY: Pick TOR
CIN@PIT: Pick CIN
NYM@ATL: Pick NYM
CLE@BOS: Pick CLE
MIN@TB: Pick MIN
MIL@CHC: Pick MIL
HOU@STL: Pick STL
WAS@ARZ: Pick ARZ
KC@OAK: Pick OAK
SD@LAD: Pick LAD