Tuesday, August 17, 2010

2010 NFL Predictions: AFC East

Geopolitically when most people think of the AFC East they consider the Patriots as America, the established power, and the Jets as China, an unstoppable rising force. Continuing with this analogy that makes the Dolphins Greece and the Bills one of those Central Asian post-Soviet satellite states that basically consists of hordes of nomadic tribes but was designated as a "state" because its hard for Americans, spatially and geographically speaking, to understand the idea of an area where people kind of just traverse and do there thing sans government.

1. New England Patriots (10-6)
To date the worst thing ever to happen to Tom Brady is that he impregnated a movie star just prior to romancing one of the world's most prominent supermodels. He says the worst moment in his life was not getting selected until the 6th round of the NFL draft. Either way this guy embodies perseverance and represents a beacon for overcoming adversity.

2. New Jersey/ York Jets (8-8)
After leading the Jets to a playoff run, Mark Sanchez (and an HBO documentary on the team's gregarious head coach) has many people believing that the Jets represent a threat to the Patriots in the division. Unfortunately, those people likely forgot that Mark Sanchez threw only 12 TDs to 20 interceptions (numbers that would make even Jake Delhomme shudder), and that the Jets success was predicated on a dominant pass defense (they gave up the fewest passing yards per game in the NFL . . .by over 30 ypg) led by no other than hold out Darrelle Revis. Without Revis the Jets reek of 6-10.

3. Miami Dolphins (8-8)
The Dolphins went 7-9 last season. In the off season they didn't draft anyone DBSF has heard of, and picked up Brandon Marshall. Marshall's explosiveness should make for 2 more wins but DBSF predicts that--yet again--Marshall and his brother will get in another wrestling match that involves Marshall slamming his hand through another glass table, which lacerates the imposing forearm to the degree that he can only play 8 games. So, 16/8 games = 2/1 wins.

4. Buffalo Bills (5-11)
Watching the Bills is punishment. There's limited value in a 9-6 barn-burner that involves twice as many punts as points. Anyway, ever since JP Losman left the Bills, DBSF has lost all interest in the team.


  1. yo dbsf is it possible for every team in the league to go 8-8?

  2. The mathematics of these projections are dubious at best.