Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Admiral's Week 9 NFL Picks

by: the Admiral

These picks are for entertainment purposes only. When I say entertainment, I mean betting. PS. The Admiral is rusty after a long blogosphere sabbatical, so don’t judge me too harshly. A wise man once said, “writing comedy is difficult.”

CIN @ TEN (-3): Last week the Bengals received Oakland’s 2012 & 2013 first round picks for QB Carson Palmer. This week Cincinnati has returned the picks after admitting that they really wouldn’t know what to do with them. Pick: CIN

SF @ WAS (+3.5): In order to avoid a repeat of his recent handshake fiasco, SF head coach Jim Harbaugh is planning on tweeting Mike Shanahan his post game handshake. Pick: SF

SEA @ DAL (-11.5): Seahawks management is still awaiting a response to their inquiries to commissioner Roger Goodell regarding whether trading for Reggie Bush would allow them to vacate to their 2 current victories to take the lead in the Suck for Luck campaign. PICK: SEA

MIA @ KC (-4): In a move that NFL Insiders are calling hasty and impetuous, the Dolphins have decided to tempt fate by going ahead and booking hotel rooms in Dallas for their Week 12 matchup vs. the Cowboys. PICK: MIA

ATL @ IND (+7): Rather than comment on this game I will share an actual Resolved Question from Yahoo! Answers. Pick: ATL

Resolved Question

Would you rather have HIV or Curtis Painter as your team's QB?

A lot of progress has been made in the area of anti-retroviral medications, so HIV can be contained a lot better than in the past. The life expectancy for someone who has the HIV virus is MUCH greater than what it once was.
There is no cure for having Curtis Painter as your team's QB.

CLE @ HOU (-10.5): Despite that fact that the NFL is still at least a few years from relocating a team to Los Angeles, Browns running back Peyton Hillis announced this week that he is relocating himself to Los Angeles, a decision he says allows him to “not play for the Browns.” PICK: HOU

NYJ @ BUF (-1): Rex Ryan vs. buffalo wings is a no brainer. Mark Sanchez vs anyone, not so much. Pick: NYJ

DEN @ OAK (-9): Tim Tebow’s throwing motion lasts longer than a Kim Kardashian marriage. Pick: OAK

NYG @ NE (-9): NE is listing QB Tom Brady as questionable with a severely cracked chin. Pick: NYG


STL @ ARZ: (-3.5): When the St. Louis Rams announced this week that they would be benching all of their 1st string players for the rest of the year they assured the NFL League office that they were not implementing a Suck for Luck strategy, but were just resting their starters for a crucial Week 1 game in 2012. Pick: STL

GB @ SD (+5.5): In order to cover the spread last week (and make the Admiral a shitload of money) all Phillip Rivers had to do was set up a FG by accepting a snap from center then falling to the ground. Apparently Phil is dyslexic and decided to fall to the ground first. I will never forgive him and will never ever ever ever again pick SD. Pick: GB

BAL @ PIT (-3): Worms. Gross. Pick: PIT


CHI @ PHI (-9): After not bringing a championship to Philly in 13 seasons on the job, many have wondered why Andy Reid has not been fired. After some research I’ve discovered that Andy Reid was actually fired in 2008 but due to an error in accounting has continued to collect a paycheck. Pick: CHI

TB @ NO (-9): No parody, just real talk. When your opponent just got whooped by the winless Rams, and are still favored over you by 9 points, it can’t do much for your confidence. Sorry TB. Pick: NO

1 comment:

  1. That's as close to a compliment as Tim Tebow has received all season. He'll take it.