Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Interpreting Baseball's New CBA

Today the Washington Post addressed some of the highlights of MLB's new collective bargaining agreement. DBSF provides his interpretation of some of the changes:

"Players suspected of an alcohol problem, including those arrested for DWI or other alcohol-related crimes, must undergo mandatory evaluation." (Read: Miguel Cabrera, MLB wants you to undergo mandatory evaluation. Not necessarily a bad thing. If you had more time to detox earlier in the season so you played like you did at the end of the season when you were sober you probably would've won the AL MVP, and not your teammate pitcher.)

"The top 200 prospects will be subject to pre-draft drug testing." (Read: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays used what little leverage they had in the CBA to remind everyone that they're still PO'd about the whole Josh Hamilton thing.)

"By 2013, all players must wear a new Rawlings batting helmet designed to protect against pitches at up to 100 mph." (Read: The Twins are still PO'd about the whole Justin Morneau thing.)

"No new players entering major leagues may use low density maple bats." (Read: DBSF wishes Sammy Sosa had known about this. If they were more readily available--and if daily injections of horse hormones were still standard MLB protocol--DBSF is confident Sammy would still be hitting 40+ home runs a season.)

"Players, managers, and coaches will be prohibited from using smokeless tobacco during televised interviews and team appearances. Once stadium gates open, players, managers and coaches must conceal tobacco products and may not carry tobacco products in their uniforms or on their bodies." (Read: MLB executives want the image of MLB to be way more:

and, much less:

"The Houston Astros will move from the NL Central to the AL West for the 2013 season, leaving each league with 15 teams." (Read: There are butterflies in tornadoes at this moment that will have a greater effect on change in the universe than the movement of the Astros from one league to another. This is 'Scott Stapp is releasing another solo album'-level nothing.)

"Players will be required to participate in the All-Star game, unless injured or excused." (Read: Like DBSF was really worried that Tyler Clippard had something else going on mid-July 2011.)


  1. gotta love dykstra skinning cats and ripping rails DURING games for the 86 mets