Monday, November 28, 2011

DBSF: Music Edition

No, DBSF isn't going to recommend bands/ singer-songwriters. While DBSF should note that he was one of the first to like a musician for the idea of the musician as opposed to the actual musical output, this is more about music as it relates to culture, ability, and generally speaking the most perfect form of human expression--Kim Kardashian's stab at becoming a recording artist. In the following DBSF offers his most pedestrian analysis of Kim K's beneficent act (because she shared her celestial abilities with us).

(Start at 1:45.)

2:07 "The Dream saw this slip of me singing something at the Grammy's . . ." Translates to my Media team told and paid Dream to work with me. (They also likely predicted my two month marriage, so they threw in--unbeknownst to me [Kim, not DBSF]--that he, the Dream, could probably hook up with me.)

2:14 "I'm so shy, I would be so nervous to get into a studio . . ." But, just not shy enough to have cameras document every non-bowel movement of my day.

2:21 Friend: "It's gonna be about having a fun experience . . ." Kim, there are literally no, and I mean zero expectations of you. There is no doubt that the talent in your family rests solely in your mother's amazing ability to market her daughters. The Dream is doing this because the only other way he could get on E! is by knocking up and briefly marrying another R&B pop artist, and it comes to a point that with illegal downloading taking so much away from the profits of the music industry that such relations are no longer financially feasible.

2:50 It is at this point that DBSF has never wanted a faux lunch conversation to end. It's painfully obvious that the "friend" is just there to get some E! time and E! demands that Kim interact with some non-Kardashians so she can come off as marginally human. For marketing purposes this 'come off as human thing' is also critical so Black Friday shoppers can at least superficially relate to Kim, which will then encourage them to buy the Taiwanese perfume she sold her name to at Walmart at 2am Black Friday morning for what amounts to, salary-wise, two day's work of the Black Friday Shoppers' bi-weekly pay check. (DBSF thinks Rite Aid might also sell it; but at a slight mark-up.)

5:45 There's a conversation about pregnancies and colds, which convinces DBSF that either E! doesn't hire editors for this show, or simply there was so little content in this week of taping that they had no other option.

5:52 Kim: "What is your vision? Do you want to do a whole album?" Dream: "Not, nothing crazy." Translation: I wrote 'Umbrella' and 'All the Single Ladies'. Yeah, I'm done writing and producing platinum records. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life and hundreds of thousands of dollars in studio time in Manhattan fulfilling your delusions.

6:25 Dream: "We're into here to have fun . . . Take a couple shots of tequila . . ." The sooner we stop this make-believe recording session the sooner I maybe hook-up with you.

6:46 "I mean I can't say no, it's the Dream. But, I'm so terrified." Buttttttt, was also able to fly across the country for this, and had no issue scheduling studio time with one of the biggest producers in the biz.

In the end, the person who fortunately--but probably illegally--uploaded this clip wasn't able to include Kim's actual singing. Basically, the Dream sets up a song where she has to whisper-sing to a chorus something like "Yeah, yeah, yeah" over a heavy-synth, voice modified effect. It makes Britney Spears' vocal contributions to an album look like Adele's. Watching it by DBSF's self in his own living room made DBSF think that watching Caligula while holding hands with his Mom would have been equally comfortable.


  1. scott seems cool. song is tight

  2. Mick is probably kidding, but I love Scott. "Hats? No. My hair is too good."