Thursday, December 1, 2011

Professional American Basketball Returns

It pretty much goes without saying that as the commish to a platform that is essentially dedicated to the NBA, DBSF welcomed the news of the end of the NBA lock-out. While early season Pac-10/ Big East basketball helps distract from the anomie and despite the fact that approximately 72% of Americans identify hockey as "a sport", nothing suffices for the drama, side-narratives, and unparalleled athleticism that comprise the NBA. Thus, it is with this warmest of salutations that DBSF welcomes it back and offers some pre-season analysis.

Upon the start of the season it was announced that Heat g/f Mike Miller will miss the first 8 weeks of the season because just as omniscience and omnipotence represent inherent characteristics of the Judeo-Christian God, and 6 carbon molecules plus 12 hydrogen molecules plus 6 oxygen molecules represent the inherent molecular structure of glucose, Mike Miller is intrinsically injured. DBSF assumes the problem reflects more of a deficiency of the soul than any physical or psychosomatic ailments.

Rumor has it that Chris Paul has told the Hornets that he would like to be traded to the NY Knicks, where Carmelo Anthony's offensive lethargy negates Paul's explosiveness and Amare Stoudemire's growing potential for injury would put Paul in a bit of a quagmire as he'd either have to walk the ball up court to prepare Melo for his half-court set offense, or run and gun with Renaldo Balkman (who is like a bad flu and two missed practices away from the NBDL). Paul's request might be a bit of a challenge seeing as the Knick's non-Melo/ -Amare roster consists of a 35 year old point guard, Ronny Turiaf, who had to momentarily retire for a heart ailment a few years back, and Toney Douglas. If there's reason for optimism for Paul it is that Toney Douglas has zero doubt in his own mind that he is worth a straight-up trade for Chris Paul.

Kenyon Martin and JR Smith, among others, are supposedly trapped in China through March because they signed contracts without an opt-out clause. In the grand scheme of things this probably just means 30 more shots per game for Ty Lawson, Al Harington, and Wilson Chandler to share. But, for DBSF this is his own personal assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. DBSF is as much about JR Smith as it is about the NBA or anything else. Nobody encompasses the shoot-first-ask-questions-last/ 'maaaaaan, I gotta do me' ethos more than Smith. For DBSF, the potential effects of his three month absence will be debilitating and panoptic.

That being said there's no need to dwell on the doom and gloom of a JR Smithless NBA. DBSF still has so much to look forward to: Andray Blatche's first fight of the season with a teammate (probably late-December), LeBron demanding the heat sign Nene (now) and then trade him immediately once injured (March), Tyler Hansbrough establishing himself as a legit 15-10 David Lee-esque NBA 4-man, John Wall scoring 20+ a night while giving up 25+, Derrick Williams coming to the gross realization that basketball is a much tougher hobby when everyone else is your height, weight and has at least your athleticism, and--once the Kings are ten games out of eighth place in the West (some time in early February)--the Maloofs demanding that Paul Westphal let Jimmer Fridette hoist it twenty times a game because to whites that's NHL meets Wes Anderson meets Steve Jobs documentary-type entertainment.


  1. all non-pg county whites hate the league not ready for apple/wide-brimmed parlance

  2. Which of the following accounts for more inmates regardless of race:

    Doing me or keeping it real?