(Note: Today's truncated version reflects DBSF's travel demands in Distrito Federal.)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Best Part of NBA Lock-out
NBA TV runs a Saturday night 7pm (and 1am encore) of Teen Wolf.
(Note: Today's truncated version reflects DBSF's travel demands in Distrito Federal.)
(Note: Today's truncated version reflects DBSF's travel demands in Distrito Federal.)
Monday, October 10, 2011
Whites to lose their only NFL RB?
For people who still have a Mark Bavaro poster in their room, regularly complain that they can't watch the NBA because of "all the traveling", or don't know why but subconsciously seem to be cheering for Charlie Whitehurst to take Tavaris Jackson's starting QB job despite having zero interest in the Seahawks, Seattle sports, and the Pacific Northwest in general there is troubling news coming out of Cleveland.
Since 1963 the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) has published its 'Red List', which establishes the criteria for identifying the risk of extinction of specifies and subspecies. For the last twenty-five years the white NFL running back has tottered between 'extinct in the wild' and 'extinct', the two gravest classifications for any species concerned with existence. Well, DBSF has learned that the Cleveland Browns and WRB (white running back, yes we typically don't say 'black defensive back' or 'white right tackles' but WRBs are so rare and should be so protected that DBSF has often called for them to be given their own special iridescent jersey a la a QBs during practice to preserve them, WRBs, from excessive hitting during games) Peyton Hillis have reached an impasse in their contract negotiations. Losing Hillis in Cleveland could permanently relegate whites to the role of blocking fullback in the backfield.
Now, DBSF knows what you're thinking--hey, wait, we still have Toby Gehart. Here's the thing. Toby Gerhart doesn't count. He's a Stanford graduate from Los Angeles--he's a statistical anomaly. You see without Hillis--the square-headed, contact-seeking, former Arkansas fullback--WRBs will lose their Wes Welker, the white wide receiver (WWR) whom represents the standard/ comparison for every other white wide receiver. Whether a WWR has Calvin Johnson's physical attributes and ability or Devin Hester's speed and Troy Williamson's hands, if he makes good play he is 'playing just like Wes Welker' if he makes a poor play 'he's playing very un-Welker-like'. If Hillis goes there's no longer a way for football fans to understand the WRB.
Since 1963 the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) has published its 'Red List', which establishes the criteria for identifying the risk of extinction of specifies and subspecies. For the last twenty-five years the white NFL running back has tottered between 'extinct in the wild' and 'extinct', the two gravest classifications for any species concerned with existence. Well, DBSF has learned that the Cleveland Browns and WRB (white running back, yes we typically don't say 'black defensive back' or 'white right tackles' but WRBs are so rare and should be so protected that DBSF has often called for them to be given their own special iridescent jersey a la a QBs during practice to preserve them, WRBs, from excessive hitting during games) Peyton Hillis have reached an impasse in their contract negotiations. Losing Hillis in Cleveland could permanently relegate whites to the role of blocking fullback in the backfield.
Now, DBSF knows what you're thinking--hey, wait, we still have Toby Gehart. Here's the thing. Toby Gerhart doesn't count. He's a Stanford graduate from Los Angeles--he's a statistical anomaly. You see without Hillis--the square-headed, contact-seeking, former Arkansas fullback--WRBs will lose their Wes Welker, the white wide receiver (WWR) whom represents the standard/ comparison for every other white wide receiver. Whether a WWR has Calvin Johnson's physical attributes and ability or Devin Hester's speed and Troy Williamson's hands, if he makes good play he is 'playing just like Wes Welker' if he makes a poor play 'he's playing very un-Welker-like'. If Hillis goes there's no longer a way for football fans to understand the WRB.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
NBA Players Union Meeting -- Casual Attire
When NBA leaders from the players' union convened for a photo-op on Tuesday DBSF took interest in attire. Before addressing each individual player's dress code two facts should be noted. First the meeting is at the Waldorf-Astoria--the luxurious Manhattan hotel where Paris Hilton grew-up and first encountered the adversity that made her the modern-day Horatio Algeresque beacon of American perseverance. Second, the negotiations involve billions of dollar in revenue sharing and affect hundred of professional athletes, thousands of team staffers, and millions of fans. Ipso facto--its a big deal and everyone involved probably shouldn't Eddy Curry the whole affair.
Thus, presentation--in the form of personal attire--is of consequence. Starting from the back right of the picture we see that Matt Bonner and Ben Gordon go coat and tie--very appropriate. Following the back row next comes Paul Pierce, who went with a golf polo t. Paul should've gone button down, or at least not worn the white undershirt but let's assume there was some confusion with luggage and it was all he had. Staying on the back row we end with DWade and LeBron both of whom sport the Euro-fashionista look. Nothing wrong with that, at least LeBron didn't wear one of those heavy wool cardigans with a large "LBJ" embroidered on the chest so every time DBSF sees LeBron he can't understand why LeBron is promoting Lyndon B. Johnson. (Is LeBron a fan of invading Vietnam, urban riots, and/ or manned space exploration?)
Moving to the foreground 'Melo wears a button-down but didn't have time/ desire to tuck-in his shirt. (If that's the case then Carmelo stand in the back behind LeBron--it is a photo op.) Finally--and most inexcusably--Baron Davis goes Biebermania with the fitted flannel shirt, fashionably black, thick-framed glasses, and a wool hat--indoors. Basically, DBSF is all acting like somebody's pinching DBSF's titties because Davis decides to go black-guy-version-of-where's-Waldo when he should have at least stepped it up to business casual.
Thus, presentation--in the form of personal attire--is of consequence. Starting from the back right of the picture we see that Matt Bonner and Ben Gordon go coat and tie--very appropriate. Following the back row next comes Paul Pierce, who went with a golf polo t. Paul should've gone button down, or at least not worn the white undershirt but let's assume there was some confusion with luggage and it was all he had. Staying on the back row we end with DWade and LeBron both of whom sport the Euro-fashionista look. Nothing wrong with that, at least LeBron didn't wear one of those heavy wool cardigans with a large "LBJ" embroidered on the chest so every time DBSF sees LeBron he can't understand why LeBron is promoting Lyndon B. Johnson. (Is LeBron a fan of invading Vietnam, urban riots, and/ or manned space exploration?)
Moving to the foreground 'Melo wears a button-down but didn't have time/ desire to tuck-in his shirt. (If that's the case then Carmelo stand in the back behind LeBron--it is a photo op.) Finally--and most inexcusably--Baron Davis goes Biebermania with the fitted flannel shirt, fashionably black, thick-framed glasses, and a wool hat--indoors. Basically, DBSF is all acting like somebody's pinching DBSF's titties because Davis decides to go black-guy-version-of-where's-Waldo when he should have at least stepped it up to business casual.
Monday, October 3, 2011
RoboFavre
DBSF was never a Brett Favre fan. Prior to his alleged indiscretions with the Jets and last season's collapse with the Vikings, Favre was like this Charlton Heston-brand, domestic half-ton pick-up slow-mo carrying some industrial cement apparatus through a mud-filled job site type of American exceptionalist.
But to DBSF Favre was the NFL all-time leader in fumbles and interceptions. And, despite being anointed arguably one of the greatest QBs of all-time he won only one Superbowl. (In fact, in 24 playoff games, Farve was 13-11. Comparatively, Montana was 16-7; Aikman was 11-5; Young was 12-8; Elway was 14-8; Brady is 14-5; and Ben Roethlisberger is 10-3).
Two off-seasons ago some of Favre's luster started to fade when after spending a few months wavering between retirement and returning to the Vikings, Brett went all Heidi Montag and had Vikings' executives and head coach Brad Childress personally pick him up--in the middle of training camp--from a Minneapolis airport to prepare the football world for his return to the sidelines (yet again). Well, in his first season of retirement Favre has taken up announcing college football games and if you wonder why Favre, a superstar QB, didn't jump straight to CBS, Fox, ESPN, or HBO a la a Boomer, Marino or Steve Young . . . well. Watch. Brett. Talk. Good. A few things we learn from the robot that has entered Brett Favre and started manipulating his mandible:
1. Brett possesses a red-cheeked uneasiness, and slight tilt achieved only by downing 8 or 9 shot of Jim Beam during prep (aka the drive to the stadium). During the actual non-drinking prep the production assistant, who's likely got a semester left on her Master's in Digital Communication at Southern Miss and is thus, two months from moving to Boston to live with her boyfriend and never ever have to deal again with such a cretin who [the cretin, aka Favre] spends the entire 5 minutes he happens to show up for prep [again, the non-drinking actual with the staff prep] staring at her boobs while she just tries to get him to memorize the opening line "Well I look forward to it coming back to Hattiesburg" in the event he blanks and the Vicodin-laced Jim Beam starts talking (which, she, the production assistant, knows for a Southern boy such as Brett has an unfortunate tendency to result in opining on what for the sake of brevity and sociocultural sensitivity DBSF will just term 'anachronistic views on American social structures').
2. Around the one minute mark we get the sense that somebody is holding a card with words that Brett is supposed to read out loud. Either there is a period after every word or Brett is having trouble conveying the most generic compliments given to QBs on two 'who cares' football teams.
3. Thank you production assistant for writing that "interceptions' record" joke at the 1:30 mark. It made the entire segment slightly more comfortable than 'enema in an open kiosk at a shopping mall' but still not comfortable enough to surpass 'seeing a grandparent undress'.
4. At about the 1:45 mark the production team recognizes that this is going to be a 'somebody dropped the F-bomb on the air and we didn't catch it with the 7-second delay' long day and the production assistant holds up the sign indicating that Brett is no longer to speak and is instead simply to stare at the camera.
But to DBSF Favre was the NFL all-time leader in fumbles and interceptions. And, despite being anointed arguably one of the greatest QBs of all-time he won only one Superbowl. (In fact, in 24 playoff games, Farve was 13-11. Comparatively, Montana was 16-7; Aikman was 11-5; Young was 12-8; Elway was 14-8; Brady is 14-5; and Ben Roethlisberger is 10-3).
Two off-seasons ago some of Favre's luster started to fade when after spending a few months wavering between retirement and returning to the Vikings, Brett went all Heidi Montag and had Vikings' executives and head coach Brad Childress personally pick him up--in the middle of training camp--from a Minneapolis airport to prepare the football world for his return to the sidelines (yet again). Well, in his first season of retirement Favre has taken up announcing college football games and if you wonder why Favre, a superstar QB, didn't jump straight to CBS, Fox, ESPN, or HBO a la a Boomer, Marino or Steve Young . . . well. Watch. Brett. Talk. Good. A few things we learn from the robot that has entered Brett Favre and started manipulating his mandible:
1. Brett possesses a red-cheeked uneasiness, and slight tilt achieved only by downing 8 or 9 shot of Jim Beam during prep (aka the drive to the stadium). During the actual non-drinking prep the production assistant, who's likely got a semester left on her Master's in Digital Communication at Southern Miss and is thus, two months from moving to Boston to live with her boyfriend and never ever have to deal again with such a cretin who [the cretin, aka Favre] spends the entire 5 minutes he happens to show up for prep [again, the non-drinking actual with the staff prep] staring at her boobs while she just tries to get him to memorize the opening line "Well I look forward to it coming back to Hattiesburg" in the event he blanks and the Vicodin-laced Jim Beam starts talking (which, she, the production assistant, knows for a Southern boy such as Brett has an unfortunate tendency to result in opining on what for the sake of brevity and sociocultural sensitivity DBSF will just term 'anachronistic views on American social structures').
2. Around the one minute mark we get the sense that somebody is holding a card with words that Brett is supposed to read out loud. Either there is a period after every word or Brett is having trouble conveying the most generic compliments given to QBs on two 'who cares' football teams.
3. Thank you production assistant for writing that "interceptions' record" joke at the 1:30 mark. It made the entire segment slightly more comfortable than 'enema in an open kiosk at a shopping mall' but still not comfortable enough to surpass 'seeing a grandparent undress'.
4. At about the 1:45 mark the production team recognizes that this is going to be a 'somebody dropped the F-bomb on the air and we didn't catch it with the 7-second delay' long day and the production assistant holds up the sign indicating that Brett is no longer to speak and is instead simply to stare at the camera.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
et al
Apparently Lane Kiffin cheated again. In the future--so as to conserve space in print and the ever confined electronic media--journalists should only cover stories when Kiffin commits a legal action. DBSF doesn't need to know that Kiffin violated a rule again--he already makes Rich Rodriguez look like Joe Paterno.
Boston Red Sox lost a baseball game, which was the universe's way of starting to make amends for non-Boston fans being inundated with a grossly disproportionate amount of Boston sports media over the past decade.
Delonte West goes for a gig at Regency Furniture. He should be a solid addition to the team assuming Von Wafer doesn't start working at Regency too.
Guy who throws a banana at Simmonds is "deeply mortified" and "had no idea his actions could be seen as racist". Fruit throwing isn't standard NHL fan-fare; but, targeting the one black guy? The guy who threw the banana should focus just on being mortified and quit contemplating about the possible racial implications of the action.
Eugenio Velez goes 0 for 37 in 2011 out of sympathy for Adam Dunn, who finished the season going 0-23 and as the White Sox all-time single season leader in strikeouts. Dunn achieved further ignominy for destroying Rob Deer's record for the lowest MLB batting average in a season (.179) with an anemic .159. (Of course, Dunn's .159 is grossly skewed by a .128 September and a .136 June. He hit almost .300 in July and August. Check that Dunn hit .145 in July and .155 in August.)
Ben Wallace picks up a DUI and a gun charge (unloaded) in a Detroit suburb. You can trade a mid-1990s Mazda MPV with 150K miles straight-up for a 2,000 sq ft single family three bedroom/ two bath home in Detroit. Ergo, cash is a commodity in The Motor City--$40 definitely covers a chauffeur for the night.
Al Unser Jr collects a drag racing DWI in New Mexico. User error on the arresting officer. If a 49 year old two-time Indy 500 winner decides he's gonna drag race after a case of Keystones and he takes the precaution to conduct such an activity in New Mexico, the state that exists solely because the US needed a testing site for its nuclear weapons during WWII, then you do your darndest to accommodate--not aggravate--Mr. Unser . . . Jr.
Lastly, after going an abysmal 1-4 on last week's NFL odds' predictions DBSF feels it only necessary to call one game to recompense. Saints (-7.5) at the Jaguars: Jag's rookie QB Blaine Gabbert is infinitely fascinated with the theory of relativism, or the belief that there exists no absolute truth, only subjective perceptions. This philosophy proves beneficial for Blaine's mien as concepts like interception and completion blend into 'catch' and forward and backward transform into 'movement'. Unfortunately, such theoretical underpinnings bode poorly for the Jaguars already slim chance to score more than one field goal (much less stand near/ in any pay dirt). Saints by 14. (Remember such confidence means the opposite will happen.)
Boston Red Sox lost a baseball game, which was the universe's way of starting to make amends for non-Boston fans being inundated with a grossly disproportionate amount of Boston sports media over the past decade.
Delonte West goes for a gig at Regency Furniture. He should be a solid addition to the team assuming Von Wafer doesn't start working at Regency too.
Guy who throws a banana at Simmonds is "deeply mortified" and "had no idea his actions could be seen as racist". Fruit throwing isn't standard NHL fan-fare; but, targeting the one black guy? The guy who threw the banana should focus just on being mortified and quit contemplating about the possible racial implications of the action.
Eugenio Velez goes 0 for 37 in 2011 out of sympathy for Adam Dunn, who finished the season going 0-23 and as the White Sox all-time single season leader in strikeouts. Dunn achieved further ignominy for destroying Rob Deer's record for the lowest MLB batting average in a season (.179) with an anemic .159. (Of course, Dunn's .159 is grossly skewed by a .128 September and a .136 June. He hit almost .300 in July and August. Check that Dunn hit .145 in July and .155 in August.)
Ben Wallace picks up a DUI and a gun charge (unloaded) in a Detroit suburb. You can trade a mid-1990s Mazda MPV with 150K miles straight-up for a 2,000 sq ft single family three bedroom/ two bath home in Detroit. Ergo, cash is a commodity in The Motor City--$40 definitely covers a chauffeur for the night.
Al Unser Jr collects a drag racing DWI in New Mexico. User error on the arresting officer. If a 49 year old two-time Indy 500 winner decides he's gonna drag race after a case of Keystones and he takes the precaution to conduct such an activity in New Mexico, the state that exists solely because the US needed a testing site for its nuclear weapons during WWII, then you do your darndest to accommodate--not aggravate--Mr. Unser . . . Jr.
Lastly, after going an abysmal 1-4 on last week's NFL odds' predictions DBSF feels it only necessary to call one game to recompense. Saints (-7.5) at the Jaguars: Jag's rookie QB Blaine Gabbert is infinitely fascinated with the theory of relativism, or the belief that there exists no absolute truth, only subjective perceptions. This philosophy proves beneficial for Blaine's mien as concepts like interception and completion blend into 'catch' and forward and backward transform into 'movement'. Unfortunately, such theoretical underpinnings bode poorly for the Jaguars already slim chance to score more than one field goal (much less stand near/ in any pay dirt). Saints by 14. (Remember such confidence means the opposite will happen.)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Vince Young Impersonator. Arrested. Temple Hills.
There's the saying 'no news is good news'. For DBSF it goes 'any Vince Young news is good news'. Whether its his partying shirtless with buds at the club or his coming to the realization that football is less fun when you're getting booed, DBSF tends to gravitate to anything Vince Young-related.
Case and point--last week police arrested a man for impersonating Vince in DBSF's very own Prince Georges County. Based on the police report and the picture of the impersonator, it's reasonable to believe that someone that had seen the real life Vince Young one times or fewer might confuse the two.
While both are approximately 6'5" and 230lbs, Vince Young, like most other NFL back-up QBs and/ or marginally legitimate humans, doesn't hand collect $2,500 checks for charities in Suburban Maryland. Further, although Vince Young's philanthropic work likely uses the internet DBSF is suspicious that Facebook represents the platform by which he organizes his collecting responsibilities. If nothing else DBSF can take solace in knowing that he lives approximately 6 miles north of Temple Hills, and in DBSF's neighborhood its Vince Young impersonator conducts his fraud over the phone not via internet/ face-to-face.
Case and point--last week police arrested a man for impersonating Vince in DBSF's very own Prince Georges County. Based on the police report and the picture of the impersonator, it's reasonable to believe that someone that had seen the real life Vince Young one times or fewer might confuse the two.
While both are approximately 6'5" and 230lbs, Vince Young, like most other NFL back-up QBs and/ or marginally legitimate humans, doesn't hand collect $2,500 checks for charities in Suburban Maryland. Further, although Vince Young's philanthropic work likely uses the internet DBSF is suspicious that Facebook represents the platform by which he organizes his collecting responsibilities. If nothing else DBSF can take solace in knowing that he lives approximately 6 miles north of Temple Hills, and in DBSF's neighborhood its Vince Young impersonator conducts his fraud over the phone not via internet/ face-to-face.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Byfuglien Joins the Cedric Benson BWI Club
Winnipeg Jets (NHL [Hockey {the ice sport}]) D Dustin Byfuglien joined the exclusive organization of professional athletes that have been cited for boating while intoxicated (OPABWI) when according to a report Minnesota police stopped his boat and found that "his eyes were bloodshot and watery, [he was] unsteady on his feet and he smelled of alcohol".
As of this evening the organization consists of just Byfuglien and Cedric Benson, but considering that Benson's jail sentence for beating up an ex-BFF was recently reduced to 5 days, Cedric now has the Bengals week 7 bye week to spend not in a Texas jail but rather potentially getting another BWI. Thus, the organization could increase another 50% in size by the end of the year with the addition of Benson to Byfuglien and Benson. (The existential arithmetic of Cedric Benson existing twice in his own organization, albeit one of BWI'ers, is still being worked out.)
While Benson's citation came at night (which, grant it, driving a boat in the pitch black is virtually impossible without GPS navigation so DBSF assumes ol' Ced fancied 'what harm'll a couple beers do?'), Byfuglien sought to outdo the founding member of OPABWI by supplementing his navigation with muscle relaxants. Right now OPABWI is looking quite reputable but the addition of a Bryant Reeves, or JaMarcus Russell could push it to that Mensa- or 40/40 club-level of prestige.
As of this evening the organization consists of just Byfuglien and Cedric Benson, but considering that Benson's jail sentence for beating up an ex-BFF was recently reduced to 5 days, Cedric now has the Bengals week 7 bye week to spend not in a Texas jail but rather potentially getting another BWI. Thus, the organization could increase another 50% in size by the end of the year with the addition of Benson to Byfuglien and Benson. (The existential arithmetic of Cedric Benson existing twice in his own organization, albeit one of BWI'ers, is still being worked out.)
While Benson's citation came at night (which, grant it, driving a boat in the pitch black is virtually impossible without GPS navigation so DBSF assumes ol' Ced fancied 'what harm'll a couple beers do?'), Byfuglien sought to outdo the founding member of OPABWI by supplementing his navigation with muscle relaxants. Right now OPABWI is looking quite reputable but the addition of a Bryant Reeves, or JaMarcus Russell could push it to that Mensa- or 40/40 club-level of prestige.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Week 3 DBSF Betting Line
There's a reason this post represents DBSF's first betting line and why DBSF never bets on non-Project Runway and/ or non-Bad Girls Club-based events. (Season 6 DBSF played a $100 trifecta on 1) the under that three girls would leave the show, 2) that contrary to their seemingly amicable behavior in the ambulance Kori wouldn't accept Nikki's apology for "accidentally" cutting her [Kori], and 3)that Jade would involuntarily leave the show. Without ruining the plot for individuals who have BGC: Season 6 on their Netflix/ Quikster queue Jade's decision to leave the show at her own behest essentially cost DBSF a cool $220.) The reason this is DBSF's first betting line should become evident Monday, September 26, when those with an elementary familiarity with probability (i.e., heads/ tails = 50/50) will recognize that DBSF's predicted outcomes in comparison to the actual outcomes of the games capture the essence of the state of arbitrariness.
Kansas City at San Diego (-14.5)
San Diego should win this game by four TDs, but DBSF is suspicious that after their two previous drubbings and the loss of Jamaal Charles the Chiefs are going to have one of those integrity-check games and push the game into the fourth quarter. San Diego by 10.
New England (-8) at Buffalo
The Bills are 2-0 after a fourth quarter comeback win over the Raiders on Sunday. Week 1 the Bills blew-out the Chiefs by 34. However, week 2 the Lions blew-out the Chiefs by 45, which means in a truly cosmically-balanced universe both the Bills and the Chiefs lost their week one match-up by two or three TDs each. New England by at least 10 but probably 27.
Pittsburgh (-10.5) at Indianapolis
Through two games Colts' QB Kerry Collins has still yet to exhibit that he can appropriately discern between teammates and non-teammates. Colts head coach Jim Caldwell might want to focus on ensuring that Collins fully grasps some of the more mundane aspects of the team, like uniform colors. Assuming Roethlisberger is healthy it should be a 17 point win for the Steelers.
Miami Dolphins at Cleveland Browns (-2.5)
Warning: wager on this game at your own risk. Its going to be boring. Thirty points total might be scored. It will inevitably come down to a fourth quarter interception or fumble on the losing team's side of the field that sets-up a three-and-out followed by an anti-climactic 38 yard FG to win the game with 2:48 left. Browns win by 2.5. Seriously, don't bet this game. Not because you might lose money; rather the malaise and impending insouciance resulting from simply checking online--let along watching on TV, which deserves its own special 'partake at your own risk' warning--to see if the 10-6 score has changed will likely have profound adverse psychological effects on your most basic perceptions of broad never really consciously considered concepts, like : 1) progress, 2) hope, 3) accumulation, 4) temporal order, and 5) fecundity.
Arizona (-3) at Seattle
The Seahawks are coming off a 24-0 drubbing (exceptionally unnecssary football-bloggery-type word; is 24-0 ever a nail-biter?) against the Steelers, which followed up a 16 point loss to San Fransisco where some how the 49ers figured out how to score 33 points; and, all of the 33 in one game. DBSF likes Kevin Kolb in 'Zona and thinks Pete Carroll has a very et tu Brute? quality to his character (which, grant it, in New England makes for a darn good ball coach). Arizona by 11.
If history is any indicator of the future it is in your best financial interest to take a five game parlay and bet the exact opposite of the aforementioned picks.
Kansas City at San Diego (-14.5)
San Diego should win this game by four TDs, but DBSF is suspicious that after their two previous drubbings and the loss of Jamaal Charles the Chiefs are going to have one of those integrity-check games and push the game into the fourth quarter. San Diego by 10.
New England (-8) at Buffalo
The Bills are 2-0 after a fourth quarter comeback win over the Raiders on Sunday. Week 1 the Bills blew-out the Chiefs by 34. However, week 2 the Lions blew-out the Chiefs by 45, which means in a truly cosmically-balanced universe both the Bills and the Chiefs lost their week one match-up by two or three TDs each. New England by at least 10 but probably 27.
Pittsburgh (-10.5) at Indianapolis
Through two games Colts' QB Kerry Collins has still yet to exhibit that he can appropriately discern between teammates and non-teammates. Colts head coach Jim Caldwell might want to focus on ensuring that Collins fully grasps some of the more mundane aspects of the team, like uniform colors. Assuming Roethlisberger is healthy it should be a 17 point win for the Steelers.
Miami Dolphins at Cleveland Browns (-2.5)
Warning: wager on this game at your own risk. Its going to be boring. Thirty points total might be scored. It will inevitably come down to a fourth quarter interception or fumble on the losing team's side of the field that sets-up a three-and-out followed by an anti-climactic 38 yard FG to win the game with 2:48 left. Browns win by 2.5. Seriously, don't bet this game. Not because you might lose money; rather the malaise and impending insouciance resulting from simply checking online--let along watching on TV, which deserves its own special 'partake at your own risk' warning--to see if the 10-6 score has changed will likely have profound adverse psychological effects on your most basic perceptions of broad never really consciously considered concepts, like : 1) progress, 2) hope, 3) accumulation, 4) temporal order, and 5) fecundity.
Arizona (-3) at Seattle
The Seahawks are coming off a 24-0 drubbing (exceptionally unnecssary football-bloggery-type word; is 24-0 ever a nail-biter?) against the Steelers, which followed up a 16 point loss to San Fransisco where some how the 49ers figured out how to score 33 points; and, all of the 33 in one game. DBSF likes Kevin Kolb in 'Zona and thinks Pete Carroll has a very et tu Brute? quality to his character (which, grant it, in New England makes for a darn good ball coach). Arizona by 11.
If history is any indicator of the future it is in your best financial interest to take a five game parlay and bet the exact opposite of the aforementioned picks.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Inversive Effect of the NBA Lockout
The Washington Post is reporting that during the lock out Washington Wizards' forward/ center/ XBOX 360er is using the time to expand his leadership role on the team by organizing team workouts at his Maryland home (only two people showed up, neither of the variety to take shots from Andray). This is surprising considering that this is the same Andray who's encountered--what shall we call??--some distractions over the last 6 years. For example there was:
the getting robbed/ shot (definitely not his fault, terrible that it happened, very glad he's okay);
the reckless driving (surely, his fault);
the solicitating (a female cop dressed probably in high trollopista; liability likely depends the frequency of rejection that night at the night club, Grey Goose consumption, and the degree of high trollipness. Like, if we're talking XXL sweatpants and a way over-sized--and over-holed--Max Headroom t-shirt then that's all on you 'Dray);
and, inevitably fighting a fellow 7+ foot teammate (juries out on this one, both strike DBSF as the kind of guy that loses all personal self-control when playing Madden and dominating a friend like 28-3 in the second quarter and the friend gets up and with no warning turns off the XBOX effectively ending the 25 point dominance and establishing some serious concerns about the legitimacy of whether or not the 25 point lead with a whole half left of football justifies a win in the on-going Madden challenge).
And, it's not just the players. The NBA supposedly fined Charlotte Bobcats' owner Michael Jordan $100K (or, what Jordan used to lose betting on one hole of golf to Greg Norman in the 1990's) for commenting on a player, Andrew Bogut (an Australian, so really like 0.75 of a player), which caused issues--from the standpoint of the NBA--over the league's current collective bargaining issues. Interestingly, there were no fines last year for Jordan fraternizing with elite college basketball players and telling them to wear his shoes.
the getting robbed/ shot (definitely not his fault, terrible that it happened, very glad he's okay);
the reckless driving (surely, his fault);
the solicitating (a female cop dressed probably in high trollopista; liability likely depends the frequency of rejection that night at the night club, Grey Goose consumption, and the degree of high trollipness. Like, if we're talking XXL sweatpants and a way over-sized--and over-holed--Max Headroom t-shirt then that's all on you 'Dray);
and, inevitably fighting a fellow 7+ foot teammate (juries out on this one, both strike DBSF as the kind of guy that loses all personal self-control when playing Madden and dominating a friend like 28-3 in the second quarter and the friend gets up and with no warning turns off the XBOX effectively ending the 25 point dominance and establishing some serious concerns about the legitimacy of whether or not the 25 point lead with a whole half left of football justifies a win in the on-going Madden challenge).
And, it's not just the players. The NBA supposedly fined Charlotte Bobcats' owner Michael Jordan $100K (or, what Jordan used to lose betting on one hole of golf to Greg Norman in the 1990's) for commenting on a player, Andrew Bogut (an Australian, so really like 0.75 of a player), which caused issues--from the standpoint of the NBA--over the league's current collective bargaining issues. Interestingly, there were no fines last year for Jordan fraternizing with elite college basketball players and telling them to wear his shoes.
Monday, September 12, 2011
NFL Preseason Week 5: Denver Broncos v. Oakland Raiders
Getting the Monday night 10:15pm EST time slot is the NFL telling you that you're not a top priority. Starting Kyle Orton and Jason Campbell on Monday Night Football in response is you're way of saying that you agree. In most sports, like boxing, performing last suggests that you're the marquee event. DBSF thinks ESPN and the NFL used the same logic for tonight's Broncos and Raiders match-up that leads like Versus or the Outdoor Life Network to run the Compass Bowl on January 7 (Play two terrible teams late in the bowl schedule, rather than early, because later on when fans have fewer options Ball State-Nevada becomes surprisingly interesting.)
Basically, its the idea that you, the viewer, will be jonesing so bad for some football that you'll take inferior product. Just as when the authorities intercept a large supply of opiates and dealers, aka providers, must resort to push inferior, i.e., "cut", goods, which are still purchased because to someone seriously jonesing even 5% heroine/ 95% detergent is better than the old 0%/ 100% ratio, so too are NFL fans jonesing for more product after going on a Thursday to Sunday night NFL bender. Thus, the NFL needn't match up quality opponents, like the Saints or the Eagles late on Monday night. Rather they give fans deeply cut, Middle school pot-dealer quality product in the form of the Raiders vs. the Broncos.
Ironically (or, depressingly) DBSF is a life-long Broncos fan and, thus, not watching the game out of some NFL-opiate dependency but, rather because of sadomasochistic fandom (very modern day Lions/ Clippers/ minority-present Washington sports teams). A few reactions to the last game of week 1 NFL.v2011 . . .
--Denver is facing a 2nd and 23. That's a punting down if DBSF is making the call.
--There appears to be a penalty every 1.4 plays. In most cases that destroys the rhythm of the game. Oddly, it gives the Broncos-Raiders a nice cadence. That's probably the case because it distracts from or out-right eliminates the play of Bronco-Raider football.
--ESPN's football-based programming's (i.e., NCAA Goal Line, NFL Primetime, etc) graphic designs emphasize futuristic large-scale steal operations and some form of molten led or metal moving at an impressive--albeit, in opposition to some of the core tenants of gravity--rate. All in all its some very impressive no nonsense, ultra-masculinity; GWB meets Delta Force meets Camaro-inspired auto shows.
--The fact that Seastian Janikowski is still in the league after 11 or so years just goes to show you that the Polish will kick footballs to support drinking 7 days a week until you stop paying them .
--DBSF is highly suspicious of Raiders' fans who dress up in the Road Warrior gear with face paint and such. These aren't really football fans; its all more of a weekly Renaissance Fair for them.
Basically, its the idea that you, the viewer, will be jonesing so bad for some football that you'll take inferior product. Just as when the authorities intercept a large supply of opiates and dealers, aka providers, must resort to push inferior, i.e., "cut", goods, which are still purchased because to someone seriously jonesing even 5% heroine/ 95% detergent is better than the old 0%/ 100% ratio, so too are NFL fans jonesing for more product after going on a Thursday to Sunday night NFL bender. Thus, the NFL needn't match up quality opponents, like the Saints or the Eagles late on Monday night. Rather they give fans deeply cut, Middle school pot-dealer quality product in the form of the Raiders vs. the Broncos.
Ironically (or, depressingly) DBSF is a life-long Broncos fan and, thus, not watching the game out of some NFL-opiate dependency but, rather because of sadomasochistic fandom (very modern day Lions/ Clippers/ minority-present Washington sports teams). A few reactions to the last game of week 1 NFL.v2011 . . .
--Denver is facing a 2nd and 23. That's a punting down if DBSF is making the call.
--There appears to be a penalty every 1.4 plays. In most cases that destroys the rhythm of the game. Oddly, it gives the Broncos-Raiders a nice cadence. That's probably the case because it distracts from or out-right eliminates the play of Bronco-Raider football.
--ESPN's football-based programming's (i.e., NCAA Goal Line, NFL Primetime, etc) graphic designs emphasize futuristic large-scale steal operations and some form of molten led or metal moving at an impressive--albeit, in opposition to some of the core tenants of gravity--rate. All in all its some very impressive no nonsense, ultra-masculinity; GWB meets Delta Force meets Camaro-inspired auto shows.
--The fact that Seastian Janikowski is still in the league after 11 or so years just goes to show you that the Polish will kick footballs to support drinking 7 days a week until you stop paying them .
--DBSF is highly suspicious of Raiders' fans who dress up in the Road Warrior gear with face paint and such. These aren't really football fans; its all more of a weekly Renaissance Fair for them.
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