Thursday, September 29, 2011

et al

Apparently Lane Kiffin cheated again. In the future--so as to conserve space in print and the ever confined electronic media--journalists should only cover stories when Kiffin commits a legal action. DBSF doesn't need to know that Kiffin violated a rule again--he already makes Rich Rodriguez look like Joe Paterno.

Boston Red Sox lost a baseball game, which was the universe's way of starting to make amends for non-Boston fans being inundated with a grossly disproportionate amount of Boston sports media over the past decade.

Delonte West goes for a gig at Regency Furniture. He should be a solid addition to the team assuming Von Wafer doesn't start working at Regency too.

Guy who throws a banana at Simmonds is "deeply mortified" and "had no idea his actions could be seen as racist". Fruit throwing isn't standard NHL fan-fare; but, targeting the one black guy? The guy who threw the banana should focus just on being mortified and quit contemplating about the possible racial implications of the action.

Eugenio Velez goes 0 for 37 in 2011 out of sympathy for Adam Dunn, who finished the season going 0-23 and as the White Sox all-time single season leader in strikeouts. Dunn achieved further ignominy for destroying Rob Deer's record for the lowest MLB batting average in a season (.179) with an anemic .159. (Of course, Dunn's .159 is grossly skewed by a .128 September and a .136 June. He hit almost .300 in July and August. Check that Dunn hit .145 in July and .155 in August.)

Ben Wallace picks up a DUI and a gun charge (unloaded) in a Detroit suburb. You can trade a mid-1990s Mazda MPV with 150K miles straight-up for a 2,000 sq ft single family three bedroom/ two bath home in Detroit. Ergo, cash is a commodity in The Motor City--$40 definitely covers a chauffeur for the night.

Al Unser Jr collects a drag racing DWI in New Mexico. User error on the arresting officer. If a 49 year old two-time Indy 500 winner decides he's gonna drag race after a case of Keystones and he takes the precaution to conduct such an activity in New Mexico, the state that exists solely because the US needed a testing site for its nuclear weapons during WWII, then you do your darndest to accommodate--not aggravate--Mr. Unser . . . Jr.

Lastly, after going an abysmal 1-4 on last week's NFL odds' predictions DBSF feels it only necessary to call one game to recompense. Saints (-7.5) at the Jaguars: Jag's rookie QB Blaine Gabbert is infinitely fascinated with the theory of relativism, or the belief that there exists no absolute truth, only subjective perceptions. This philosophy proves beneficial for Blaine's mien as concepts like interception and completion blend into 'catch' and forward and backward transform into 'movement'. Unfortunately, such theoretical underpinnings bode poorly for the Jaguars already slim chance to score more than one field goal (much less stand near/ in any pay dirt). Saints by 14. (Remember such confidence means the opposite will happen.)

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