Sunday, September 4, 2011

DBSF AFC North & South Predictions

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
Out of division the Steelers get to play Seattle, San Fran, and Arizona; combine that with playing Cleveland and (most importantly) Cincinnati twice, and assuming occurrences of suspensions/ sexual assaults remain somewhere between 'infrequent' and 'moderate' the Steelers should be in good shape to win the North.

2. Baltimore Ravens (9-7)
Baltimore's 9-7 qualifies as a hedge prediction. They're a twelve or eleven win team, but injuries to certain positions on an aging defense makes them more of a wild card-caliber team. Further, an injury to Joe Flacco puts Tyrod Taylor at the helm, who at Virginia Tech led the 63rd (out of 120) passing offense in FBS last season. Ergo, with no other QBs listed on the Ravens' roster and in the absence of Joe Flacco, 3rd and 9, 12, 16, you name it officially becomes a running down for Coach Harbaugh.

3. Cleveland Browns (6-10)
No analysis or commentary necessary. Cleveland Browns are an inherently 5-11/ 6-10 team with the occassional law-of-large-numbers aberration, like the 10-6 2007 team. Maslow's hierarchy of needs describes how humans seek breathing, food, and water as core essentials of life; if Maslow created a hierarchy of Cleveland Brown needs, going 6-10 would be the buttress keeping the existential structure in place.

4. Cincinnati Bengals (4-12)
Andy Dalton will be way pissed if the Panthers, Broncos, or 49ers fail to out lose the Bengals, and he gets Jimmy Clausen'd by that Andrew Luck pick next year.

AFC South
1. Houston Texans (10-6)
This feels lie picking the Grizzlies or the Raptors to win a division. Much more of a 10-6 by default than anything else. Depending upon how soon Peyton Manning returns from his neck injury this 10-6 could be 9-7.

2. Indianapolis Colts (9-7)
See 'Houston Texans'. Without Peyton Manning the Colts offense has been anemic in the preseason. DBSF does however, look forward to watching Kerry Collins throw for 280 yards, 2 TDs and 5 interceptions each game until Manning returns.

3. Tennessee Titans (6-10)
Seahawks were 7-9 with Matt Hasselbeck last year; DBSF takes off a win to account for Hasselbeck's gradual regression.

4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)
The NFL's boringest team. Why the Jaguars couldn't have used their first round pick in 2010 (#10 overall) to take Tebow and, thus, mitigate that saboteur Josh McDaniel's pernicious (and lasting) effects on the Broncos is beyond DBSF.

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