Thursday, June 30, 2011

Chris Bosh likes Technology

DBSF was reading up on Chris Bosh's bachelor party, and the correspondent gets all "Hangover 3" because it was 4-days in Vegas. But, before DBSF bit on the party-hysteria bate he noticed two suspicious events. First, the bachelor part went to a magic show. Second, Mark Curry of Hangin' with Mr. Cooper fame was there.

Going to a magic show during ones bachelor party gives the event an ominously religious feeling. Not like, "Yeah I go to Temple/ Church once a week." More of the "so, I was talking with god last night" variety in the sense that the individual literally believes and expects you to believe--in fact, would be appalled at the thought that you possessed the slightest consternation much less genuine doubt/ concerns of possible psychosis--that they had a one-on-one back-and-forth conversation with their own personal god less than 12 hours ago.

As for Mark Curry. Well, DBSF will just say it--he's the black Dave Coulier. He's like the one thing--outside of the presence of the actual fiance to be and her mother--that could make an overtly religious bachelor party less cool. Him being there is like leaving the magic show to catch the end of an in-line skating half-pipe competition.

However, in the article there was a link to Bosh's Maxim photo shoot which he took part in prior to the 2010-11 season. DBSF's reaction to this televisual photo shoot was that his media rep needs to not only set-up these events, but also be there and advising Chris, and taking and destroying film when at his own discretion Chris, well, Chris shouldn't have been acting at his own discretion.

For example, he spends the first minute of the photo shoot fake eating an apple. Surely, this shtick was at the behest of the photographer, but here's where a media rep can apologize to the photog about the rapid demise of the newspaper industry and that yes, the media rep, understands that he--the photographer--was pulling Pulitzer's for photography with the NY Times twenty years ago, but this isn't the Bosnian War; this is just some 6'11" dude outside the Ritz Carolton on Biscayne Bay, and the whole purpose of the photo-shoot is to make 5'9" Italian sophomores at Rutgers with body dysmorphic disorder forget for 5 seconds who they are while taking a crap or riding the bus to class and think for just those 5 seconds that they're a multimillionaire teammate of LeBron James and Dwayne Wade. Hopefully, the thinking goes, that will entice them to patronize Davidoff cologne or whatever high-end polos Lacoste is pitching on the following page.

Then there's the look-under-the glasses thing Bosh is doing, which is a little too Dwayne Wayne for DBSF. And, that is no slight to Kadeem Hardison because Dwayne Wayne doing Dwayne Wayne is just right; when Bosh does it it looks like a mix between him needing to sneeze and him scanning a cruising spot. But, the highlight for DBSF comes around the two-minute mark when--in addition to reading and video games--Bosh announces that "I like technology", which, well, puts Bosh in good company.


  1. Aaaaayo, I'm tired of usin' technology...

  2. Cut.....IT.....OUT!!!!