Thursday, January 20, 2011

Jake Locker: Recipient of Football Life Lottery Powerball Award

As evidence of the arduous work involved in sports blogging, DBSF googled "NFL Mock Draft" to research University of Washington QB Jake Locker. After closing out a Groupon page on Banana Republic outerwear, DBSF selected the first five sites that came up. All mock drafts projected Locker going between 8 and 12 overall. (Note: Zero of the five were legit as evidenced by all having the banner ads encouraging me--presumably--to earn a college degree in 6 weeks from the comfort of my personal computing space.)

Now, DBSF never watched Locker play in college nor did he catch any Pac-10 games. But, even without any visual evidence of Locker's abilities, DBSF is shocked to learn that he's projected so high. His four-year college career consists of a 14-15 TD-pic season followed by 1-0, 21-11, and 17-9. He's never completed over 58% of his passes in a season, and in his three biggest games this year he put up Ryan Leafian numbers.

He torched Nebraska for 71 yards on 4-20 passing (Yes 4-20, that's bad for hitting in baseball; basically, that means that he completed half of his check-offs to unguarded running backs standing 5 yards away.) Against Stanford he completed 50% of his 14 passes to go with 2 interceptions. And, finally against Nebraska again in the legendary Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl (the name really conjures thoughts of Bear Bryant) Locker ran up 56 yards passing on a 5 for 16 affair.

So the question then is--how in the heck is Locker so highly rated with numbers that scream high school offensive coordinator? The answer? Todd McShay will likely say "intangibles", which is like saying you find a good enough looking, tall, strong white kid who can throw a ball moderately hard, he's worth wasting 3-years and $20 million on. (Exhibit A: JP Lossman. Exhibit B: Any Notre Dame QB of the 21st century).

DBSF believes Locker unearned this distinction in a much more esoteric, and fortuitous manner--he won the Football Life Lottery Powerball. Rather than receive whatever $256 million is after taxes, Locker's winnings consist of normally rational individuals inexplicably irrationally believing that he is the antithesis to what he actually is.

You see, there doesn't exist one piece of data (er, datum) that suggests that Locker should be in his current position. Well, if nothing else DBSF hopes Locker can use his winnings, like any other Powerball winner, to procure for himself the ultimate in American power boating.


  1. In prefacing you're opinions by saying that you've never watched him play. Makes you're opinion absolutely oblivious. Stats dont always tell the story. Name 1 Offensive Washington Husky to be drafted in the last 4 years.... Go ahead... I'll wait. Cause you arent going to find one. The guy has done what he can with a team that went 0-12 just 2 years ago while he sat the season out with a broken thumb (on his throwing hand). The fact that in 2 seasons, he got them 7 wins (including a bowl game victory) is pretty astonishing. Watch the guy. His O-line has never provided a consistent pocket for him in 4 years. He has to make every throw whilst running for his life from d-linemen and linebackers.. With a solid NFL O-line, He is going to make a hell of a NFL quarterback in a couple years. Take that to the bank.

  2. Point-counterpoint. DBSF hopes for the Titans, Redskins, or Vikings sake you're right. But, it doesn't help that he puts up unimpressive numbers against poorer competition. But, very true--there hasn't been an offensive Husky drafted since Locker came to Washington.

  3. that guy sucks...turbo sucks.

    power boating with a suitcase of macros sure the hell doesn't suck tho