On Tuesday night the LA Lakers edged a LeBronless Cleveland Cavaliers by 55 points. The Cavs monumentally futile performance resulted in 57 points, a sub-Ichiro Suzuki avg.-field goal % (.299), a most Baron Davis 1-14 from downtown, a Sebastian Telfair-caliber team assist to turnover ration of 0.6, 3 players who shot a combined 3-29, and 3 players with a plus-minus below 40 (Manny Harris put up an astounding -57 over 41 minutes . . . which begs the question: Why was Manny Harris in the game for 41 minutes?)
Ever-intrusive, DBSF gained access to some of Cav's Head Coach Byron Scott's notes and musings on the team play board. Interestingly, Scott had stopped using the board to create plays midway through the first quarter when the team was already down 15 and then began using the board to scribble self-deprecating laments and marginally suicidal haikus. Below are some excerpts:
8:08pm--12 points in 1st Q. Not bad. Last night's scrimmage was 8-6 through 25 minutes.
8:12pm--Personnel-wise you've entered a dark place when losing Anderson Varejao has a cataclysmically negative effect on your offense.
8:27pm--I would trade the whole roster for Luke Walton; Sad thing is they'd also want draft picks.
8:39pm--Why isn't there a rule in basketball to kneel the ball and run out the clock like in football?
8:45pm--Is Steve Blake texting while bringing the ball up the court?
8:51pm--How does Andrew Bynum already have 5 blocks. He's only played on two defensive possessions.
8:52pm--How do you spell my PGs name? Two N's or one? Manny? Sounds Dominican. Note to self--there in lies a problem. Next year's team--more Americans, Europeans and South Americans. Fewer Dominicans; great guys, not great ball players.
8:59pm--Email Stern about slaughter rule. If we have to go to Boston I don't want to have to get stuck in post-game traffic and would like to catch the 9:08 out of Logan. The 10:08 is full of drunks and software salesmen.
9:00pm--Why don't we have a team plane? I heard LeBron and DWade take their own planes to games . . . not that I need to sit next to Samardo Samuels and listen to him go on about the glory days at Louisville for 2.5 hours. I played for the Lakers in the '80's. I was partying with Paula Abdul and her crew before he was born. I'm suuuure that time at the frat party with those two sorority sisters was waaaay crazy.
9:09pm--I swear to goodness if one more of our players calls a timeout, I'm quitting mid-game.
9:15pm--Moe Williams' definition of a "good shot" and my definition are--astronomically speaking--considerably far apart.
9:31pm--Games over. Oh chriiiimney. I see that look in Artest's eyes. He's concerned about my mental health and he's going to want me to open up. I just want to get back to the Hilton before Room Service stops serving dinner and it's just fruit and cereal at $5 a pop.