Tuesday, May 31, 2011

NBA Finals' Prediction: Master Formula

Augurs, diviners, oracles, clairvoyants, etc of the NBA rely on a range of methods for predicting the outcomes of games and series. Some use complex statistics, others emphasize intangibles, like playoff experience or toughness, but DBSF has, what he believes, is the master formula for projecting a winner.

Like so many invaluable things in this world, it is simple and natural. It consists of four steps. First, you add up the number of former Washington Wizards on each team's roster. Second, you add up the number of former Minnesota Timberwolves on each team's roster. Third, players who were on both the Wizards and Timberwolves are multiplied by 1.5 and added to the sum of steps 1 and 2. Finally, you compare team A's total with that of team B's and whichever team scores the lowest will win. Another way to look at it is:

Not winning = # of Wiz + # of Wolves + (1.5 x # of Wiz/ Wolves)

So for the Heat it goes: Not winning = 2 Wiz (Howard & Bibby) + 0 Wolves + 1.5 Wiz/ Wolves (Miller). Or, 3.5. For the Mavs it goes: Not winning = 3 Wiz (Butler, Haywood, and Stevenson) + 1 Wolves (Brewer) + 1.5 Wiz/ Wolves (Cardinal).Or, 5.5. Assuming DBSF’s master formula is correct this means that fans can expect the Heat to take the series.

Of course, DBSF might have failed to take into account for prior experience with the Golden State Warriors, which probably involves exponents, scientific notation, and the like all of which are light-years beyond the functionality of the complimentary calculator Quizno’s gives out with the purchase of five Sammies.


  1. Wait, shouldn't the fact that Juwan Howard was (in addition to being a wizard) a Washington Bullet be taken into account?

  2. DBSF feels like that would require a cosine function or something. But, yes.

  3. brian cardinal? man last week that guy was pumping my gas