Thursday, May 5, 2011

Brian Cardinal: Still in the NBA

It's good to be white. Anytime you're suspicious of white people's privlege in the good 'ole US of A remember two words: Brian (and) Cardinal. Do you know what team Brian Cardinal would be playing on if he was black? DBSF doesn't know the name of any second-tier Turkish teams either.

So, DBSF was perusing the Lakers-Maverick's box score last night, when who does he come across having played 0:00 minutes (Coaches decision)? No other than, one Brian Cardinal.

After he had a cup of coffee with the Wizards 8 or so seasons ago DBSF assumed Brian had packed it up to work on his Italian and hoist threes for some Florentine quasi-pro squad, or--another popular NBA retiree option--returned to his hometown to charge usurious rates to parents of over-privileged, mildly obese middle schoolers for individual basketball lessons.

"No, Ronnie you shoot at the basket. Yes, the basket. That's it the round thing up there. No . . . we can't . . . we haven't started the lesson yet. Fine, yes, yes then snack break it is."

Under the same perverse cosmic circumstances that put Spencer Pratt on years of People magazine covers, an unathletic 6'8" forward, who in 6 of his 11 seasons shot under 40%, is still getting free sharp, new NBA gear, and infinitely indecisive on how far down on the bench to sit after timeouts. (No, Brian not on the floor with the photographers. You can sit in the cushioned seats with the team name on the back, just make sure it's not next to anybody with a basketball uniform on.)

Perhaps DBSF harbors such animosity towards Cardinal because during his 5 game stint with the Wizard in 02-03 he shot an abismal 25%--a percentage that would make even Brandon Jennings stop shooting. For all DBSF knows Cardinal could have won like umpteen league community service awards for volunteering at functions that involve him reading to individuals--likely young ones--otherwise oblivious to the written word.

As for the scouting report on Cardinal, of the 100 FGs he attempted this season 87 were threes. Inside the three point line he was 1-13. Basically, he's THAT white guy that plods along the three point line waiting for an uncontested shot. If he has the ball and a defender is within 6 feet of him? Twenty second timeout, you put in a great evening Brian.

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