Lost Complaint Form

by: the Admiral

While moving to a new building the city of Santa Monica government offices found this in the back of an old file cabinet.

CITY OF SANTA MONICA

HOUSING AUTHORITY

DISCRIMINATION COMPLAINT FORM

1. Person(s) allegedly discriminated against.

NAME: Jacob “Jack” Tripper

ADDRESS: 123 Ocean Avenue, Apt. 201, Santa Monica, CA 90211

CAN BE REACHED AT: Jack’s Bistro

2. Others living at same address.

NAME: Christmas Snow

CAN BE REACHED AT: Regal Beagle

NAME: Janet Wood

CAN BE REACHED AT: Santa Monica Florist

3. Person(s) filing complaint, if different than above.

NAME: Lawrence Dalliapoulos, a.k.a Larry Dallas

ADDRESS: 123 Ocean Avenue, Apt. 301, Santa Monica, CA 90211

CAN BE REACHED AT: Santa Monica Used Cars Emporium

4. Please explain your relationship to person(s) identified in #1.

Jack Tripper is my downstairs roommate. He is also my best friend. I sell used cars, but Jack never cockblocks when I tell ladies that I am Doctor Larry Dallas.

5. Please check the basis on which you believe a Santa Monica based landlord has discriminated and the type of discrimination you allege occurred with brief explanation.

Disability

Age

Sexual Orientation: My friend Jack is living in fear that he will be outed as a heterosexual. Our landlord, Mr. Stanley Roper, has threatened to evict Jack for not being gay.

Gender

Race

6. Please provide contact info for discriminating landlord.

NAME: Stanley Roper

SPOUSE: Helen Roper

ADDRESS: 123 Ocean Avenue, Apt. 101, Santa Monica, CA 90211

SUSPECTED REASON FOR DISCRIMINATION: Possibly gay

7. Please tell us as clearly as possible how the alleged discrimination happened. Identify the person(s) involved. Provide names of anyone who can corroborate these claims.

Mr. Roper has regularly discriminated against my friend, Jack Tripper, on the basis of his sexual orientation. Specifically, he has threatened to illegally evict Jack for not being gay. Hetero-persecution in this day and age makes me sick. Jack can’t even bring Lana back to his own place for fear of retribution from Mr. Roper. On another occasion I needed a wingman at the Regal Beagle so I could bag one of these Swedish twins; everything was going great until Mr. Roper walked in and Jack had to start gaying it up for him. I personally have not been discriminated against by Mr. Roper for being straight, but I figure it’s just a matter of time until this building is all gay, which is a shame because there is some nice tail here.