by: the Admiral
ACTRO starts with the following 6 characters.
Douchebag and his date
We’ll pick up the trip around 11pm after the concert three of us attended at the Music Box at the Borgata. After the show we had gambling to do, but the cab line at the Borgata was 90 minutes long. I told my cohorts that we would get the next cab, which was met with skepticism. I walked to the front of the line to speak to the valet.
“The next cab is mine.”
“Sure thing, sir.”
I’m sure my male readers are thinking I used a Jedi mind trick to make this happen and you ladies are sure my rugged good looks and boyish charm were the key. These two options only work 35% and 90% of the time respectively, so I went with the very popular and always effective $20 bill. It’s always great to skip long lines, but I really got my money's worth from this transaction when the guy on a date that WAS at the front of the line enters the story.
whiny, douchey voice: “REALLY? COME ON MAN!!! I'M NEXT.”
I wanted to say something right away, but held back since the valet jumped in and embarrassed him for me…..
"Yeah, you are NEXT, after this guy and his friends, IF you stand behind that line and wait. Or you can go the back of the line if you want."
So I waved over, and the 3 of us loaded into the cab. Once in the cab I did give douchey date guy my best “sucks to be you” look, but when I wasn’t sure if it landed I switched to a very audible…..
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your date.”
Too dumbfounded to respond and afraid of being put at the back of the line he stood there defeated. But if the Karate Kid taught me anything it is that “Mercy is for the Weak” so I decided to kick him while he was down. I turned to the date and said…
"I wouldn't have made you wait an hour for a cab if you were my date, but I'm sure he's a great guy. You kids have fun tonight."
While the loser was now flustered, uncomfortable, and upset, the date gave me and my cohorts the “please take me with you” look. We then sped off so I didn’t see the awkward moment that had to have followed between these two, but odds are not looking good that douchebag date guy got laid on Saturday night.
If anyone thinks I come off as an a*hole in this story I should let you know that the guy was wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt absolving me from anything negative you have to say and confirming that he got what he deserved.
I won’t go into too many specifics today, but the rest of the evening was spent finding out if I was better at really, really drunk blackjack or blackout poker. It was done very scientifically using the following scientific methodology.
1) Got really, really drunk
2) Played blackjack for a few hours, continued to drink
3) Got blackout drunk
4) Switched to poker
I won $5 in the first half of the experiment and lost $500 in the second.
So, I can say, scientifically, that I’m better at really really drunk blackjack than I am at blackout poker. Next trip I will play poker first to see if I’m better at really really drunk poker or blackout blackjack.
That’s all for today. AC Trip Report #2 will either be specifics of my blackout poker battle against 9 Vietnamese dudes entitled “My Own Personal Vietnam” or the yet untitled 13 ways to almost, but not quite, get escorted by security from Bally’s. If you want one, the other, or neither, let me know in the comments below.