Thursday, April 12, 2012

Which Sacramento King would make the Best Mitt Romney VP Candidate?

With the Republican Party nomination a virtual guarantee, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is now in the market for a Vice President. How DBSF sees it VPs typically serve to compliment a presidential candidate's shortcomings. Governor Romney's shortcomings are three-fold.

First, he needs to convince the electorate that he contrasts from Obama and is a true conservative. Now this isn't the primaries so he's not trying to find a VP to influence the electorate from America's rural hinterlands, who tend to associate conservativism with racial and ethnic xenophobia, lax gun laws, and a union of church and state whereby elected leaders lead based on some divine guidance, which inextricably ends up being interpretations of the Old Testament that call for socially conservative policies that come at great inconvenience to everyone besides heterosexual males. Rather in a general election the presidential candidate needs to convince independent and undecided voters that he offers a solution--rather than exists as a diametrical opposite--to the opponent's, in this case President Obama's, reliance (or perhaps 'misuse/ abuse' in the republican parlance) on big government. So think Reagan; not Santorum.

Second, Governor Romney needs a VP to compliment the fact that he comes off as perhaps the most disingenuous major presidential candidate (save John Kerry) in decades. So someone that has the straightforward, shoot from the hip style of a John McCain or Dylan McKay. Finally, Governor Romney would like to gain a VP from an important swing state. So any candidate that's from Utah or one of those state's where the head football coach of the state's main university regularly golfs and dines with the state's Governor is off the list. Considering these three needs the natural next step is to consider where Governor Romney and his aides might find a pool of candidates. Most political strategists would recommend the US Congress or Republican Governors. DBSF thinks the Sacramento Kings shouldn't be overlooked. Below DBSF assesses the King's roster while taking Governor Romney's needs into account.

Jimmer Fredette: The natural choice, right? He's Mormon, he's white, and he's got a Christian rapper brother. But Americans as a whole are suspicious of the Mormon thing and Fredette doesn't strike you as the "I'm just in this thing for the networking" type of Mormon. Having two on a ticket could even push those Southern snake-holding Christian-types to that black candidate. Further, he's from New York, which would take an unprecedented nuclear attack to Manhattan to ever make it a red state. Fredette's grade as potential VP: D-

DeMarcus Cousins: In the parabola of life DeMarcus seems to be either about to make one of the more rapid descents into ignominy or about to begin his meteoric ascent to reaching his exceptional potential. In other words, he's a high risk, high reward kind of guy. He's from Alabama and starred at Kentucky--two states that always go Republican. With respect to frankness, there is little concern that Cousins won't speak his mind and be forthright about what he believes. That being said, see the earlier comment about where he stands on the parabola of life--his candor might prove infinitely detrimental to his running partner in a general election. Cousins' grade as potential VP: B-

Marcus Thornton: He takes sixteen shots and six threes a game--not  . . . conservative . . . at all (even if he's from Louisiana and went to school there).Thornton's grade as potential VP: D+

Tyreke Evans: Shooting less, lower assist to turnover ratio equals conservative (good); outside of the year he played with the University of Memphis basketball team while staying in a dorm on campus so as to maintain some affiliation with the school, he comes off as a genuine, honest individual (great); from Pennsylvania, a key swing state (awesome). So what's not to love? Well seeing how his career has kind of nose-dived from a rookie year when his name was often mentioned in the same breath as Oscar Robertson and LeBron James, he's kind of like the Michele Bachman of the Republican presidential primaries--starts strong then fades. Evans' grade as potential VP: B+

John Salmons: Has an Abe Lincoln beard, which is both super-righteous/ honest looking and offsets President Obama's Abe Lincoln narrative; is black, which offsets President Obama's black thing; and, is from Pennsylvania and played college basketball in Miami, Florida--two critical swing states.We have our winner. Salmons' grade as potential VP: A+

Other options? People who are basically Constitutionally prohibited from becoming the President of the United States--foreign-born (Francisco Garcia and Donte Greene), someone with a foreigner name (Hassan Whiteside),  someone with the name 'Chuck' (Chuck Hayes), someone who went to NC State (JJ Hickson), people who went to college on the West Coast (Tyler Honeycutt and Isaiah Thomas), and some other guys, like Terrence Williams, who's own mothers wouldn't even vote for them.

1 comment:

  1. john salmons won't ever give you 4, but he'll never give you 20, he'll give you 12 EVERY NIGHT FOREVER