Monday, April 16, 2012

Top Professional Basketball Team Names

1. Talk 'N Text Tropang Texters (Philippine Basketball Association): Extra points for the apostrophed 'and' conjunction. And for naming a basketball team the 'Texters'.

2. Pure-Youth Construction (Super Basketball League of Taiwain): Automatic credit for any team playing in the "Super" Basketball League. (DBSF checked but sadly cannot confirm if the league in Bill Lambier's Combat Basketball for the SNES was in fact the Super Basketball League. Copyright infringement emails are sitting in Gmail drafts folder should he get confirmation.) The only issue with "Pure-Youth Construction"--and this is a small thing, like technicality-type thing--is that the United Nation's International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF) has established a pretty well accepted narrative in the Western conscious that the exploitation of child labor is somewhat taboo.

3. Poitiers Basket 86 (Ligue National de Basket of France): Kind of 1980's NYC subway graffiti bomber/ muralist (PB86 would be the tag), but also kind of ultra-progressive post-hipster, post-instrumental European Macbook-rock that serves primarily to distinguish between the truly hip and the marginally hip. Inevitably the music is awful.

4. Petron Blaze Boosters (Philippine Basketball Association): Likely also the name of two-thirdish of urban-oriented, suburban teenagers' custom made NBA Live 2K12 team.

5. Florida Winning Ways (International Basketball League): Sounds more like a Jacksonville-based money laundering schemed that involves liquidating retirees retirement accounts and pooling resources to invest in the ever mercurial lottery-ticket market but, at least, it's optimistic. It also kind of sounds like a boot camp/ rehabilitative clinic for young men that serves primarily to facilitate creating life long criminal networks rather than depress deviance.

6. Chicago Muscle (Professional Basketball League): Kind of MSM/ Bear sub-category of gay/ bi-curious? but you can't accuse it of suggesting futility.

7. Scranton/ Wilkes-Barre Steamers (Professional Basketball League): You know its bad when your city can't pull the resources and fan support necessary to back a team so you end up having to turn to Wilkes-Barre (and a hyphenated city at that).

8. Sorcerers of Guayama aka Guayama Wizards (National Superior Basketball): Their the worst professional Puerto Rican team, they have former Wizard Al Thornton, but their league sets the bar for superlatives in the league name category with "National Superior".

9. Staten Island Stallions (United States Basketball League): The first time ever that a franchise city was able to vote on a team name and out of virtually infinite possibilities returned a 1990's Iraqi election Saddam Hussein-like 100% of the popular vote for "Stallions".

10. Petrochimi Bandar Imam BC (Iranian Basketball Super League): It's probably like a Mesopotamian version of "Charlotte Bobcats" but they have Joe Forte on the roster so they automatically make the cut.

1 comment:

  1. Haha... The Texters are in the PBA finals. I will be texting my ass off in anticipation all week!