Monday, April 23, 2012

Which Minnesota Timberwolve won't be back next season?

After their most recent loss, Minnesota Timberwolves' point guard JJ Barea accused his teammates of not caring enough about the outcomes of games. Such comments following a second-half collapse, like the Timberwolves have experienced, suggests that a team's front office will likely reshuffle their deck and bring in some new players and get rid of some old faces. DBSF selected 9 of the Timberwolves top 12 players. See if you can guess who will be gone.

Number 5 is a potential MVP and looks like he takes dates to the Mall of America so he's automatically off the list. So are numbers 1,4, and 8 but they'll stay because they're promising young talent who deserve at least another season (#1) or more (#4 and #8) to develop. Number 7, like number 2, is an exceptionally exciting offensive player whose offensive worth is somewhat offset by its inverse relationship to his defensive worthlessness. Regardless one just received a big contract (#2) and the other (#7) makes such spectacular plays on offense that a sub-.500 team regularly appears on Sportscenter. That and the fact that DBSF assumes that #2 and #7 look like what people in Minneapolis associate with "ethnic"/ "cultural" ensures that they'll stick around for a while.

Number 9 looks like he might as well be watching the game from the stands he looks so Minnesotan. Probably has season tickets to Minnesota's NHL team. (A quick Google search informed DBSF that the Minnesota North Stars have adopted the moniker 'Wild' for some reason. Not sure if this is a recent/ marketing phenomenon or what.)

By process of elimination you should be able to guess now who will be gone. If you selected the player that looks most like he's infected with rabies or some animal-borne disease that is only contracted through human-mammal-to-dog/ bear/ deer-mammal violence (#3) or the player that looks like despite a $6 million-plus annual contract he still sells marijuana in small amounts for "pocket money" (#6) then you were right.

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