Thursday, October 20, 2011

NFL Week 7 'Suck for Luck' Bride's Maids' Rankings

While other sports media outlets are concerned with power rankings that compare the Packers and the Pats, DBSF is interested in the other side of the continuum. More specifically, a power ranking of ineptitude of teams not quite inept enough to out-lose the field and secure Andrew Luck. (Apparently Karlos Dansby is PO'd at fans, who are cheering the Dolphins to "suck for Luck".) Nothing like going 2-14 to win the rights to Landry Jones who after three years and 40 interceptions presents a sufficient sample size to teams to realize that sans superior receivers and offensive line Jones is a poor man's Jake Plummer. Considering that DBSF sees the Dolphins as a one-win team (which may come this week against the Broncos) the non-power ranking begins with the second worst team, the . . .

#31 St Louis Rams--they give up the third most points and score the fewest. Mathematically speaking that equals 0-6. Extrapolate that 0-6 to a full 16 game season and you get 2-14. Being able to play Arizona and Seattle twice and the Browns once, prevents the Rams from becoming the first team in the history of the NFL to run a two-quarterback offense next year with Bradford and Luck lining up behind center. Or, maybe Bradford lines up behind the center then Luck behind Bradford? DBSF isn't sure how it would all work out but he likes the idea of the double-snap or the play-action snap.

#30 Indianapolis Colts--they get the Panthers once, and the Jaguars twice. DBSF doubts there will be three ties so he assumes the Colts will pull out wins in two of those. Besides offense and defense the only real problem for the Colts is special teams where they average the fewest return yards in the NFL. Considering that the defense gives up all those points and the offense has, shall we say "limitations", the return game is critical to offset any Curtis Painter/ Kerry Collins pic-sixes.

#29 Denver Broncos--what Tim Tebow gives up in the passing game he makes up for in jersey sales and Muscular Christianity. To help Tebow with the passing game, Bronco management traded away leading wide receiver Brandon Lloyd and in his place called up Eron Riley, who played WR at Duke, which DBSF just Googled and discovered had a football program.

#28 Seattle Seahawks--this looks like a good fit for Landry Jones to 11-26 for 136 yards 0 TDs and 2 pics each week. They don't have a quarterback (although a few gentlemen dress-up each week and line up behind the center during games) and head coach Pete Carroll, much like Landry, is at his best when surrounded with superior athletes.

#27 Minnesota Vikings--here's the good thing about the Vikings-they lose close games and have a future hall of famer at QB. But, here's the problem--they've already lost five, and they just benched the future hall of famer for Christian Ponder, an above average ACC QB (damned with faint praise). This latter move is a signal to all NFL veterans that down payments can be made on January's vacation plans and that its now officially okay to go out/ play golf three days a week during the season.

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