Thursday, July 14, 2011

Kurt Rambis: Looking Back

Earlier this week it was announced that the Minnesota Timberwolves had fired their head coach, a very normal looking Kurt Rambis. Now, you might ask why DBSF would use such a descriptor, like "very normal looking", to identify an individual (as Kevin Costner-esque pictured below). Therefore, DBSF feels compelled to provide visual documentation of Rambis from his playing days in the 1980's and early 1990's with the LA Lakers (as well as intermittent play with the Hornets, Suns, and Kings).

Phase 1--the standard 'grabbed a rebound, turned for the outlet pass, found/ took a date to Chuck E Cheese' (or, the arcade . . . it was the '80s) look. 1980's LA Lakers are fair game for pedophilia jokes seeing as they spent a decade pulling like Aaron Carter would have at a moderate-income, northern Florida white high school in the early 2000s.

Phase 2--laid-back Kurt Rambis. This picture makes DBSF think of a mix between the 1985 Chicago Bears' "Superbowl Shuffle" music video and Weekend at Bernie's.

Phase 3--Milton Waddams. If it weren't for Rambis's being white it is possible that a glitch in the NBA's HR system allowed him to stay in the league for 14 seasons (otherwise known as the "Brendan Haywood" glitch). Regardless, Rambis definitely looks like he wants his stapler back.

Phase 4--the 'I'm-going-to-kill-everyone-here' look. Rambis doesn't have that violent, wanton disregard for others/ inherent malevolent look of mass murderers; rather, it's more of a "today's a good day for everyone in the cult to die" blank stare. Optimistic mass suicidism, if that's a phrase. This look, this exact look is why agencies, like the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security, keep suspicious persons' lists.

And, finally the 'you're probably going to be a smoke-show in 3 years look' from KR (DBSF, has, at last, resorted to initializing Kurt's name like KG or B2K). Rambis had a recurring role on 7th Heaven as a coach. This picture doesn't do much for documenting KR's odd style and facial hair but there's something camp/ hipster-ironic about an ex-NBA player staring down a 14 year old Jessica Biel. That and KR kind of reminds DBSF of a taller, skinnier Randy Quaid in this picture for some reason.


  1. If Kurt Rambis was in to dudes AC Green would NOT be a virgin.

  2. Virginity is an inherently tenuous phenomenon.

  3. I was just watching Kurt Rambis giving commentary with ESPN and was thinking how "normal looking" he is now. I remember the dorkiest looking player he was back then with the Lakers. What was great was watching the matchup between Kurt and Phil Jackson (of the Knicks). Two dorky looking awkward white guys banging into each other.