Cam Newton has the hurtest feelings in the NFL. Cam Newton has the hurtest feelings in North and South Carolina. Cam Newton's hurt feelings result partially from his already existing hurt feelings thus creating a cyclical disaster whereby hurt feelings maker hurter feelings which grow exponentially into even more hurter feelings until he has the hurtest feelings. Below is a brief analysis of Cam's Hurt Feelings (aka Post-Game) News Conference--working title Hurt Feelings of the Cam, by the Cam, for the Cam.
0:05 It's just not me . . .
This is the thesis of the Hurt Feelings News Conference (HFNC)--IT'S NOT CAM'S FAULT.
0:09 We find a way to keep the game close . . .
Cam means they, as in everyone on and associated with the Carolina Panthers' organization--including fans, state residents supporting other teams, unborn future fans--are responsible and not one, Cam Newton, who by the way don't you feel sorry for me, Cam, I mean look at all the downtrodden head wagging. I, Cam, am near tears. What does the Hurt Feelings barometer top out at? 10? I, Cam, am a 12. So hurt.
0:12 Whether it's me? I don't know . . .
No, I, Cam, know. It's not me. Still them.
0:15 Whether it's the coordinator? I don't know. The players overall? I don't know.
Among others, yes, I, Cam, think it's the coordinator. And definitely the other players.
0:26 I'm looking forward to a game where we put up 35 points.
Cam means, I'm looking forward to throwing for 600 yards and running for 200 in a game like I did last year. I don't care who wins.
0:38 You can point out to a lot of things that can come to us being defeated.
The score being the primary thing. Presumably there are others.
0:45 I'm only going to control what I can control and that's myself.
[See comment @ 0:05, e.g. "thesis of HFNC"]
1:00 . . . . .
Cam (to Cam): Feelings are waaaayyyyyyy to hurt to listen to this question.
1:17 You gotta call the plays. It's kind of putting a strangle on our passing game . . .
Did I, Cam, have an opportunity to blame the running backs yet? Their fault. BIG time.
1:33 I don't care if we kick the ball from the seventy . . .
See 1:00. I, Cam, told you my feelings were too hurt to listen to this question so if you want to know how we can score more points I'll tell you that we're just going to kick it, punt it, whatever, I don't care.
1:48 You see it with countless games where we just find a way to keep it close . . .
Except for the Giants. In that one everyone else messed up way too bad for a close loss. Hurt Feelings went from a 7 to a 9 that Thursday night. Haven't been below an 8 since. The only reason it dropped to 8 was because LeBron sent me that Edible Arrangements' bouquet.
1:50 We just find a way to keep the game close . . .
By "we" I, Cam, mean "they".
2:16 . . .
Cam (to Cam): They lettin' a woman in here ask me these questions?
2:34 Only thing I control, sweetheart, is myself . . .
See thesis. In the finale, Cam here appears to adapt the thesis for HFNC to incorporate mild chauvinism to accommodate @2:16.