Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Controversy Surrounding Kansas City's QB Controversy

After starting QB Matt Cassel suffered a concussion in Week 5, the Kansas City Chiefs turned to back-up Brady Quinn and there are rumors of a QB controversy that Quinn may take over the starting position. Apparently Microsoft or Google built an algorithm into their software because simply typing the words "Quinn" "take over" and "starting" in that order instantaneously rejects what is typed and deletes the sentence.  In fact, that first sentence was only accomplished with cutting and pasting and entering a non-text .jpg picture of the name "Brady Quinn". (The JPEG file was necessary because the engineers at Google/ Microsoft had such foresight that they included algorithms that accounted for anytime you try to type that "Brady Quinn will become starting QB" and would automatically reject any sentence that contains many deviations that not only state definitely that he will start, but also anything implying such a scenario.)

Matt Cassel certainly isn't deserving of a starting QB role in the SEC West much less the NFL. Over the first few weeks he's achieved the lowest QB rating in the League and put an a Blaine Gabbertian performance that includes pioneering an air assault that over the course of 60 minutes wouldn't amount  to enough passing yards to clear the left field wall at Tropicana Field--i.e., the LLWS field of the team named after the spade-like fish that killed the Crocodile Hunter.

Quinn's career started off ominously when at the draft somebody pranked him--or, "punk'd" if one wishes to remain in line with mid-2000s zeitgeist--by convincing Quinn to sit in the Draft's green room, which is typically reserved for the prospects that are projected to go in the top 15 or so picks. At first it was amusing to watch Quinn sit and sit and not get picked and with each passing team maintain the look of anticipation that an individual that spends four-fifths of his income on Powerball tickets holds when he listens to the near statistically impossible daily number not pop-up. Around pick 20 the amusement quickly digressed to discomfort as an awareness set in that you are watching someone on national television that possesses a perception of his own self-worth that was in gross contrast to that of the 7.1 billion other humans on his planet.

The Browns eventually ended up picking Quinn, which made sense because unless your name is Bernie Kosar getting drafted by the Browns to play QB qualifies as "adding insult to injury". With the Browns, Quinn's most notable moment came when after throwing an interception he went for a cheap shot to the knees of Ravens' Terrell Suggs, who was out of the play. Last year, Quinn was with the Broncos where he backed-up Tim Tebow, which if you back-up the person that backs-up Mark Sanchez then that is kind of like the universe not to subtly telling you that, occupationally speaking, you are intrinsically malfeasant. So now there's controversy in Kansas City over whether to start Cassel or Brady? This has to represent perhaps the best grounds for instantaneously contracting the NFL by one team. 

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