Tuesday, July 24, 2012

With the Addition of Omer Asik . . .

The Houston Rockets become the least bangable team in the NBA. Based on road trips where you can actually chart that an individual player likely impregnated women in different cities based on children being born in those cities to that player in almost sequential daily order save for minor variance in the human gestation period, DBSF assumes NBAers on the whole are kind of diet Sodom and Gomorrah about their relationships.

So it comes as news that in signing Omer Asik to a three-year $25 million contract--which considering his career high for a game is 11 points suggests that owners have kind of gotten over that 'there are too many bad players with hug contracts' thing from the lockout-- the Rockets are probably the most un-Shawn Kemp team in the NBA. Now this doesn't necessarily have to do with aesthetics as much as it does with the individual circumstances of Rockets' players.

For Asik it's mainly that he's a seven-foot tall Eastern European, which is like being an Eastern European version of American teammate Josh Harrellson, which is another way of saying Arvydas Sabonis. Not saying he doesn't conquer but his numbers are definitely anomalous and seriously skew the mean number of NBA-stranger relationships in a season down. Besides Asik, there's new star PG Jeremy Lin, who could probably kill, but with the religious thing going--and unlike the case of Tim Tebow it seems somewhat genuine, or if nothing else not like it was scripted by a marketing team that pitched something like, "Timmy, look at this map. There's a whole lot of people between those two big blue things on each side of this country. You know what the one thing that everyone that doesn't live right next to those blue things has in common?"--is another aberration w/r/t NBA-stranger relationships.

Not to mention, the Rockets also have a bunch of no name second year players, marginally popular rookies, and Earl Boykins, who at 5'5" and 36 years old, runs into obvious issues of trying to convince strangers that you play in the NBA and, thus, are worth copulating with. That's why barring any major acquisition, like Dwight Howard, the Rockets will probably be the least bangable team in the NBA next season. 

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