Friday, July 6, 2012

Hasheem Thabeet: Life Lottery Winner

DBSF has a theory about this thing called the life lottery. Basically it's the idea that similar to Powerball or any other mega-million interstate lottery there are individuals, who against astronomical odds, win. Except in the life lottery rather than win the rights to a lump sum or annualized cash payment, the individual wins the implicit rights to a fantastic career that they are supernaturally undeserving of.

A classic example from the entertainment industry is Brittney Spears. In the 1990s, she was emerging as a pop star amidst a bevy of other female teenagers of varying talent that basically karaoke'd to tracks likely passed on by 'NSync and The Backstreet Boys, and were marketed along some bizarre oxymoronic virginal-cum-romp vein. (Any aficionado of the 90s pop scene likely remembers that Pink served somewhat as Brittney's foil in that Pink was overt in her sexuality and, thus, one of the progenitors of the 90s slutwave scene.)

Somehow over the next decade Brittney Spears emerges as one of the biggest acts in  music. While she's not as untalented as her critics suggest, there're probably several dozen American Idol contestants every year with better vocal range and certainly greater personality. (Bear in mind, her media team has essentially prevented her from speaking to the media in any form save for the perfectly rehearsed Oprahesque interview.) So why did Brittney win the life lottery? It was a combination of likely an excellent and fortuitous marketing strategy, an unparalleled 'you-want-to-bang-me-regardless-of-your-sexual-orientation' vibe that she possessed in her later teen years, and--most importantly in DBSF's mind--she got 'Hit me baby one  more time', which in addition to its sexual and violent undertones that only exacerbated reason number two, was such a hit that it demanded she would continue to receive top tracks for decades to come.

As a result of the great fortune of receiving one spectacular pop track, an individual from rural Louisianan (DBSF thinks, surely somewhere in the deep south though) with second runner-up in the high school talent show ability  now, a decade and a half later, sells out arenas months in advance regardless of any interaction/ participation with fans, new music, whatever. The definition of winning the life lottery.

DBSF was reminded of this theory when he saw that Hasheem Thabeet was rewarded for being 7'3" with a two-year contract on a potential NBA dynasty franchise. In college, because he was normally at least 6 inched taller than everyone else on the court, Thabeet would block something like 4 shots a game. NBA executives exhibited troublingly little concern over his inability to do anything else on a basketball court when he was drafted second overall in 2009. (Literally every player drafted after him that made it to the NBA has had a better career.) Three seasons later, Thabeet whose advance stats indicate that he has had such awful seasons that he actually contributed to his team losing games (a mathematically impressive feat) joins OKC and exhibits why he is this July's life lottery winner.

1 comment:

  1. thabeet--u just got ur ass fried right up