AFC East
1. New England Patriots (11-5)
DBSF has a hankering suspicion that the Patriot's decade of success is somehow intimately related to NBC/ CBS/ ESPN/ NFL having a vested interest in there being a perennially dominant team in a major Northeast market.
2. NY Jets (9-7)
The Rex Ryan-Mark Sanchez 'we're super serious but also have fun but football is also bigger than life but really, deep, deep down we're football enthusiasts/ purists so you could never really understand our antics because you're not one of us/ an outsider' is getting Jon Gosselin old. For DBSF's psychosomatic health, DBSF hopes this season signals the Jet's return to 8-8 mediocrity where only people from Long Island care about the team.
3/ 4. Buffalo Bills & Miami Dolphins (combined 11-21)
These two teams really should be combined. One wins five games, the other wins six maybe seven; in the end over the course of 32 games nobody is entertained. They are the masters of three-and-outs, and offenses that regularly flirt with single-digit first down totals in a game. Step-siblings of the Browns and Panthers.
AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers (10-6)
Much like the Cardinals, this record is inflated because the Chargers get to play six games against inferior divisional opponents. A la a the Fed, the NFL tempered the inflation via an out-of-division schedule that includes the Raves, Bears, Patriots, Jets, and Packers.
2. Oakland Raiders (9-7)
A decade of top ten picks has to translate into a winning season at some point. Jason Campbell finished off the season strong, and if for once in his career he's able to get time to throw the ball DBSF thinks he could put up a Matt Hasselbeck career-esque year of low- to mid-20s TDs and high single-digitish interceptions.
3. Kansas City Chiefs (7-9)
For purposes of intergalactic balance and harmony the Kansas City Chiefs cannot have back-to-back winning seasons. (Very yin and yang-type stuff.)
4. Denver Broncos (5-11)
For some reason when reminiscing back to 2009 and all the hype about Josh McDaniels' brilliance, DBSF can't help but to think of Deena's father . . .
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
DBSF AFC North & South Predictions
AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
Out of division the Steelers get to play Seattle, San Fran, and Arizona; combine that with playing Cleveland and (most importantly) Cincinnati twice, and assuming occurrences of suspensions/ sexual assaults remain somewhere between 'infrequent' and 'moderate' the Steelers should be in good shape to win the North.
2. Baltimore Ravens (9-7)
Baltimore's 9-7 qualifies as a hedge prediction. They're a twelve or eleven win team, but injuries to certain positions on an aging defense makes them more of a wild card-caliber team. Further, an injury to Joe Flacco puts Tyrod Taylor at the helm, who at Virginia Tech led the 63rd (out of 120) passing offense in FBS last season. Ergo, with no other QBs listed on the Ravens' roster and in the absence of Joe Flacco, 3rd and 9, 12, 16, you name it officially becomes a running down for Coach Harbaugh.
3. Cleveland Browns (6-10)
No analysis or commentary necessary. Cleveland Browns are an inherently 5-11/ 6-10 team with the occassional law-of-large-numbers aberration, like the 10-6 2007 team. Maslow's hierarchy of needs describes how humans seek breathing, food, and water as core essentials of life; if Maslow created a hierarchy of Cleveland Brown needs, going 6-10 would be the buttress keeping the existential structure in place.
4. Cincinnati Bengals (4-12)
Andy Dalton will be way pissed if the Panthers, Broncos, or 49ers fail to out lose the Bengals, and he gets Jimmy Clausen'd by that Andrew Luck pick next year.
AFC South
1. Houston Texans (10-6)
This feels lie picking the Grizzlies or the Raptors to win a division. Much more of a 10-6 by default than anything else. Depending upon how soon Peyton Manning returns from his neck injury this 10-6 could be 9-7.
2. Indianapolis Colts (9-7)
See 'Houston Texans'. Without Peyton Manning the Colts offense has been anemic in the preseason. DBSF does however, look forward to watching Kerry Collins throw for 280 yards, 2 TDs and 5 interceptions each game until Manning returns.
3. Tennessee Titans (6-10)
Seahawks were 7-9 with Matt Hasselbeck last year; DBSF takes off a win to account for Hasselbeck's gradual regression.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)
The NFL's boringest team. Why the Jaguars couldn't have used their first round pick in 2010 (#10 overall) to take Tebow and, thus, mitigate that saboteur Josh McDaniel's pernicious (and lasting) effects on the Broncos is beyond DBSF.
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
Out of division the Steelers get to play Seattle, San Fran, and Arizona; combine that with playing Cleveland and (most importantly) Cincinnati twice, and assuming occurrences of suspensions/ sexual assaults remain somewhere between 'infrequent' and 'moderate' the Steelers should be in good shape to win the North.
2. Baltimore Ravens (9-7)
Baltimore's 9-7 qualifies as a hedge prediction. They're a twelve or eleven win team, but injuries to certain positions on an aging defense makes them more of a wild card-caliber team. Further, an injury to Joe Flacco puts Tyrod Taylor at the helm, who at Virginia Tech led the 63rd (out of 120) passing offense in FBS last season. Ergo, with no other QBs listed on the Ravens' roster and in the absence of Joe Flacco, 3rd and 9, 12, 16, you name it officially becomes a running down for Coach Harbaugh.
3. Cleveland Browns (6-10)
No analysis or commentary necessary. Cleveland Browns are an inherently 5-11/ 6-10 team with the occassional law-of-large-numbers aberration, like the 10-6 2007 team. Maslow's hierarchy of needs describes how humans seek breathing, food, and water as core essentials of life; if Maslow created a hierarchy of Cleveland Brown needs, going 6-10 would be the buttress keeping the existential structure in place.
4. Cincinnati Bengals (4-12)
Andy Dalton will be way pissed if the Panthers, Broncos, or 49ers fail to out lose the Bengals, and he gets Jimmy Clausen'd by that Andrew Luck pick next year.
AFC South
1. Houston Texans (10-6)
This feels lie picking the Grizzlies or the Raptors to win a division. Much more of a 10-6 by default than anything else. Depending upon how soon Peyton Manning returns from his neck injury this 10-6 could be 9-7.
2. Indianapolis Colts (9-7)
See 'Houston Texans'. Without Peyton Manning the Colts offense has been anemic in the preseason. DBSF does however, look forward to watching Kerry Collins throw for 280 yards, 2 TDs and 5 interceptions each game until Manning returns.
3. Tennessee Titans (6-10)
Seahawks were 7-9 with Matt Hasselbeck last year; DBSF takes off a win to account for Hasselbeck's gradual regression.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)
The NFL's boringest team. Why the Jaguars couldn't have used their first round pick in 2010 (#10 overall) to take Tebow and, thus, mitigate that saboteur Josh McDaniel's pernicious (and lasting) effects on the Broncos is beyond DBSF.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
DBSF NFC East & West Predictions
NFC East
1. Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)
If you’re questioning why the Eagles gave Michael Vick a $100M contract after he botched his last nine-figure deal in Atlanta, consider that Vick virtually covered half of that contract alone in his ability to entice elite free agents to sign with the Eagles at Burlington Coat Factory prices (e.g., Nnamdi Asomugha, Cullen Jenkins, etc) and to coerce DeSean Jackson to report to camp despite not receiving the new contract he had been so adamantly demanding. There’s also the fact that prior to his sojourn from football, Vick was the face of the entire league, not just a team. If last season was any indicator (and most importantly, if Vick can stay healthy) this deal will prove to have been a steal for the Eagles.
2. Washington Redskins (9-7)
The Redskins are coming off 10 wins over the past two seasons. Over the off-season, fans’ disillusionment/ Snyder-anathema reached surprise-Justin-Bieber-concert-at-a-Suburban-middle-school levels of hysteria. But, after winning two preseason games and almost winning another (and most importantly exhibiting evidence a dynamic offense), it might as well be January 26, 1992 in Washington.
3. NY Giants (8-8)
The Giants lost to the Panthers in Cam Newton’s first pre-season game. Regardless of the NFL’s current rules, that should adversely affect the Giants’ regular season schedule. (Perhaps they’re first two wins count as ties or something?)
4. Dallas Cowboys (6-10)
Supposedly on July 9, 2009 Tony Romo broke-up with then GF Jessica Simpson the night before her birthday. Since then the Cowboys have gone 19-16 and mid-way through last season Romo broke his clavicle. DBSF isn’t one for superstition, but if this isn’t evidence of a break-up-with-Jessica-Simpson curse he, DBSF (and maybe Tony too, who knows?), doesn’t know what is.
NFC West
1. Arizona Cardinals (9-7)
N.B. Being able to play the Rams, Seahawks, and 49ers a total of 6 times grossly inflates DBSF’s projections for the Cardinals. In most other divisions they’re a 7-9/ 6-10 team. In the NFC North they’re already looking to trade their Andrew Luck pick more multiple first-rounders.
2. St. Louis Rams (8-8)
Probably the team of the future in the NFC West. However, DBSF’s not sold on the WRs and Steven Jackson is just shy of the 2,000 carry mark, which suggests critical RB attributes like ‘explosiveness’ and ‘durability’ become best described as “mercurial” and are often preceded with adjectives like "waning".
3. Seattle Seahawks (5-11)
Tavaris Jackson or Charlie Whitehurst? Amber or Gary? Some binary questions beg a third/ ‘C’ option.
4. San Francisco 49ers (5-11)
San Fran just inked RB Frank Gore to a 3-year $21 million extension. Since his breakout sophomore season in which he ran almost 1,700 yards and 8 TDs, Gore hasn’t run for 1,200 yards in a season. In fact, last year he averaged his fewest yards per carry and tied for his fewest rushing touchdowns in a season. Another such season should prime Gore for a Mike Shanahan backfield. (Seriously, $21M for a guy coming off an 800 yard/ 3 TD season? Share some of that wealth with Clinton Portis; DBSF has to believe there are some serious bar tabs that’ll need paying.)
1. Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)
If you’re questioning why the Eagles gave Michael Vick a $100M contract after he botched his last nine-figure deal in Atlanta, consider that Vick virtually covered half of that contract alone in his ability to entice elite free agents to sign with the Eagles at Burlington Coat Factory prices (e.g., Nnamdi Asomugha, Cullen Jenkins, etc) and to coerce DeSean Jackson to report to camp despite not receiving the new contract he had been so adamantly demanding. There’s also the fact that prior to his sojourn from football, Vick was the face of the entire league, not just a team. If last season was any indicator (and most importantly, if Vick can stay healthy) this deal will prove to have been a steal for the Eagles.
2. Washington Redskins (9-7)
The Redskins are coming off 10 wins over the past two seasons. Over the off-season, fans’ disillusionment/ Snyder-anathema reached surprise-Justin-Bieber-concert-at-a-Suburban-middle-school levels of hysteria. But, after winning two preseason games and almost winning another (and most importantly exhibiting evidence a dynamic offense), it might as well be January 26, 1992 in Washington.
3. NY Giants (8-8)
The Giants lost to the Panthers in Cam Newton’s first pre-season game. Regardless of the NFL’s current rules, that should adversely affect the Giants’ regular season schedule. (Perhaps they’re first two wins count as ties or something?)
4. Dallas Cowboys (6-10)
Supposedly on July 9, 2009 Tony Romo broke-up with then GF Jessica Simpson the night before her birthday. Since then the Cowboys have gone 19-16 and mid-way through last season Romo broke his clavicle. DBSF isn’t one for superstition, but if this isn’t evidence of a break-up-with-Jessica-Simpson curse he, DBSF (and maybe Tony too, who knows?), doesn’t know what is.
NFC West
1. Arizona Cardinals (9-7)
N.B. Being able to play the Rams, Seahawks, and 49ers a total of 6 times grossly inflates DBSF’s projections for the Cardinals. In most other divisions they’re a 7-9/ 6-10 team. In the NFC North they’re already looking to trade their Andrew Luck pick more multiple first-rounders.
2. St. Louis Rams (8-8)
Probably the team of the future in the NFC West. However, DBSF’s not sold on the WRs and Steven Jackson is just shy of the 2,000 carry mark, which suggests critical RB attributes like ‘explosiveness’ and ‘durability’ become best described as “mercurial” and are often preceded with adjectives like "waning".
3. Seattle Seahawks (5-11)
Tavaris Jackson or Charlie Whitehurst? Amber or Gary? Some binary questions beg a third/ ‘C’ option.
4. San Francisco 49ers (5-11)
San Fran just inked RB Frank Gore to a 3-year $21 million extension. Since his breakout sophomore season in which he ran almost 1,700 yards and 8 TDs, Gore hasn’t run for 1,200 yards in a season. In fact, last year he averaged his fewest yards per carry and tied for his fewest rushing touchdowns in a season. Another such season should prime Gore for a Mike Shanahan backfield. (Seriously, $21M for a guy coming off an 800 yard/ 3 TD season? Share some of that wealth with Clinton Portis; DBSF has to believe there are some serious bar tabs that’ll need paying.)
Monday, August 29, 2011
DBSF NFC North & South Predictions
This season marks the first in twenty or so in which Brett Favre will not be an NFL quarterback. This comes as unfortunate news for the mildly perspicacious defensive back, but fortunate for 23 to 25 year old female team media outreach specialists (i.e., wear something one size too small, hand out the team pens and hats, and smile and don't stop smiling at that advertising executive/ welcome back the troops/ players' families/ whatever player meet & greet).
NFC North
1. Chicago Bears (10-6)
QB Jay Cutler called off his engagement ex-Hills star, Kristin Cavallari, in the off-season. This means that Jay will be exchanging a few Jennifer Anniston/ Katherine Heigl-based movie nights for, well, strip clubs. That should be worth about minus one in the win column in comparison to last year.
2. Green Bay Packers (9-7)
If DBSF's calculations and assumptions are correct Green Bay should become the closest thing in football to the late 1980's Loyola Marymount basketball team. Points will be scored. Defense will be a formality.
3. Detroit Lions (7-9)
This IS Detroit's year . . . to go 7-9. DBSF calling 7-9 after the Lion's going 6-10 is equivalent to predicting consecutive Superbowl wins for any other NFL franchise.
4. Minnesota Vikings (5-11)
Donovan McNabb--great guy. Adrian Peterson--great guy. EJ and Erin Henderson--brothers and epic guys. This team is chock-full of quality guys. Sadly, 'quality of guy' doesn't always translate to success (see Bill Belichick).
NFC South
1. Tampa Bay Bucs (11-5)
Eleven and five in the regular season; zero and one in the playoffs. DBSF projects this Tampa team to achieve maximum sister-kissing status.
2. Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
What if Matt Ryan gets hurt? Good question. You're basically looking at a pretty good U of Louisville football team with Pro Bowl caliber wide receivers. This should be Atlanta's year to reach the NFC Championships; and, to lose it.
3. New Orleans Saints (8-8)
DBSF expects some two-hand touch defense from the Saints, which when combined with the offense probably accounting for 30-40 points a game will result in a very respectable PGA round (not like Duval or Daly ehhhhh, but like Toms or Stricker respectable).
4. Carolina Panthers (3-13)
The Panthers will play 16 games because that is the total the NFL and the Player's Association agreed to. In reality, the preseason should serve as a sufficient sample size to allow fans to generalize about the likely outcome of their entire regular season. Watching LBs tee-up on Cam Newton every time he opts out of throwing to run the ball will arouse the same misanthropy that leads some people to watch MMA solely to witness a 220 lb man get concussed by a knee to the temple.
NFC North
1. Chicago Bears (10-6)
QB Jay Cutler called off his engagement ex-Hills star, Kristin Cavallari, in the off-season. This means that Jay will be exchanging a few Jennifer Anniston/ Katherine Heigl-based movie nights for, well, strip clubs. That should be worth about minus one in the win column in comparison to last year.
2. Green Bay Packers (9-7)
If DBSF's calculations and assumptions are correct Green Bay should become the closest thing in football to the late 1980's Loyola Marymount basketball team. Points will be scored. Defense will be a formality.
3. Detroit Lions (7-9)
This IS Detroit's year . . . to go 7-9. DBSF calling 7-9 after the Lion's going 6-10 is equivalent to predicting consecutive Superbowl wins for any other NFL franchise.
4. Minnesota Vikings (5-11)
Donovan McNabb--great guy. Adrian Peterson--great guy. EJ and Erin Henderson--brothers and epic guys. This team is chock-full of quality guys. Sadly, 'quality of guy' doesn't always translate to success (see Bill Belichick).
NFC South
1. Tampa Bay Bucs (11-5)
Eleven and five in the regular season; zero and one in the playoffs. DBSF projects this Tampa team to achieve maximum sister-kissing status.
2. Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
What if Matt Ryan gets hurt? Good question. You're basically looking at a pretty good U of Louisville football team with Pro Bowl caliber wide receivers. This should be Atlanta's year to reach the NFC Championships; and, to lose it.
3. New Orleans Saints (8-8)
DBSF expects some two-hand touch defense from the Saints, which when combined with the offense probably accounting for 30-40 points a game will result in a very respectable PGA round (not like Duval or Daly ehhhhh, but like Toms or Stricker respectable).
4. Carolina Panthers (3-13)
The Panthers will play 16 games because that is the total the NFL and the Player's Association agreed to. In reality, the preseason should serve as a sufficient sample size to allow fans to generalize about the likely outcome of their entire regular season. Watching LBs tee-up on Cam Newton every time he opts out of throwing to run the ball will arouse the same misanthropy that leads some people to watch MMA solely to witness a 220 lb man get concussed by a knee to the temple.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
DBSF Week in Review (Late August Edition)
After late summer holidaying on only the finest of Northern Ohio's post-industrial village-cum-run-offs, DBSF has returned to recap the last week.
In baseball, Yahoo! is reporting that an A-10 socceresque 347 fans showed up for this week's Marlin's-Red's game. The Yahoo! blog post explains that the poor attendance reflects concerns related to the impending Hurricane Irene. DBSF wishes to point out that while Irene might have dissuaded the casual baseball fan, it was more likely the case that the abounding futility of the Marlin's and the Red's inclined fans to forgo a night at the ball park for one to one-point-five hours of cable network syndicated COPS reruns.
In response to this week's earthquake that affected parts of the mid-Atlantic, Baltimore Raven's WR Torrey Smith decided that a buildingless, soft-turfed football field represented a less than ideal place to experience a quake. It should be noted that DBSF gives Torrey extra points for the theatrical--not Broadway, more community--way he tosses his head back just before he sprints so as to exaggerate his exigence.
Finally, and staying with the Terps (or potential Terps, DBSF should say) it was announced that the University of Maryland received an oral commitment from 2012 high profile recruit, Shaquille Clear. An avid Terps' fan, DBSF thought it appropriate to conduct some online video research of the 6'9" 285 lbs center during a recent lunch break.
And, what did DBSF conclude on young Shaquille? Well, that whenever opposing 6'2" centers make no effort to box out--much less contest--Shaquille, he will in fact grab the rebound and make the outlet pass. After about a minute of one-man defensive rebounding drills, the videographer transitions to segments illustrating Shaquille's offensive merits. Or, further evidence exhibiting that as long as he possesses a 6 inch and 60 lbs height/ weight advantage the young man is unstoppable. And, in the final scene we learn thhhaaaatttttt . . . he's a a cherry picker. A 6'9" sure to be 300 lbs cherry picker.
In baseball, Yahoo! is reporting that an A-10 socceresque 347 fans showed up for this week's Marlin's-Red's game. The Yahoo! blog post explains that the poor attendance reflects concerns related to the impending Hurricane Irene. DBSF wishes to point out that while Irene might have dissuaded the casual baseball fan, it was more likely the case that the abounding futility of the Marlin's and the Red's inclined fans to forgo a night at the ball park for one to one-point-five hours of cable network syndicated COPS reruns.
In response to this week's earthquake that affected parts of the mid-Atlantic, Baltimore Raven's WR Torrey Smith decided that a buildingless, soft-turfed football field represented a less than ideal place to experience a quake. It should be noted that DBSF gives Torrey extra points for the theatrical--not Broadway, more community--way he tosses his head back just before he sprints so as to exaggerate his exigence.
Finally, and staying with the Terps (or potential Terps, DBSF should say) it was announced that the University of Maryland received an oral commitment from 2012 high profile recruit, Shaquille Clear. An avid Terps' fan, DBSF thought it appropriate to conduct some online video research of the 6'9" 285 lbs center during a recent lunch break.
And, what did DBSF conclude on young Shaquille? Well, that whenever opposing 6'2" centers make no effort to box out--much less contest--Shaquille, he will in fact grab the rebound and make the outlet pass. After about a minute of one-man defensive rebounding drills, the videographer transitions to segments illustrating Shaquille's offensive merits. Or, further evidence exhibiting that as long as he possesses a 6 inch and 60 lbs height/ weight advantage the young man is unstoppable. And, in the final scene we learn thhhaaaatttttt . . . he's a a cherry picker. A 6'9" sure to be 300 lbs cherry picker.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Best 55-second Start to a Soliloquy-cum-Interview
Grant it after about 0:55 when he starts discussing his mental health issues it's kind of sad and no longer entertaining, but clearly Brandon Marshall has zero intention of not setting some precedence before he admits to a problem. Admirable, admirable grandstanding.
Played professional football.? Check. Pro-bowl? Check. Stacked that paper/ got your weight up? Check. College? Check. Grad school? In pursuit. Beautiful, educated wife? Check. Wife w/ 4-5 degrees? Check. Wife w/ more certificates than any press members w/ in a stone's throw? Check. Wife w/ more certificates than all aforementioned press members (w/ in a stone's throw) combined? Check. Dream home? Check. Autos? Yep. Dogs? Beautiful.
That's how you admit you have a problem. No pride-ridden delusional ignorance, or wah-hahh'ing and promises of reform. No, you make it painfully clear that in light of the personal issue that you have called a press conference to announce, you first and foremost are better than everyone, especially those who took time out of their day in the first place to listen to you say that you have a problem.
Played professional football.? Check. Pro-bowl? Check. Stacked that paper/ got your weight up? Check. College? Check. Grad school? In pursuit. Beautiful, educated wife? Check. Wife w/ 4-5 degrees? Check. Wife w/ more certificates than any press members w/ in a stone's throw? Check. Wife w/ more certificates than all aforementioned press members (w/ in a stone's throw) combined? Check. Dream home? Check. Autos? Yep. Dogs? Beautiful.
That's how you admit you have a problem. No pride-ridden delusional ignorance, or wah-hahh'ing and promises of reform. No, you make it painfully clear that in light of the personal issue that you have called a press conference to announce, you first and foremost are better than everyone, especially those who took time out of their day in the first place to listen to you say that you have a problem.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Ronald Bailey
When most people consider of the odd-brother-out in NFL family triumvirates, they think of Cooper Manning, brother of Peyton and Eli. While the latter are first overall NFL picks and Superbowl MVPs and Champions, injury forced the former's football career to an early end. But, injuries are a part of football and considering that Cooper shared the same ex-NFL QB dad, Archie, as Peyton and Eli presumably he had the same opportunity to succeed in professional athletics as his younger brothers.
What's not cool to DBSF is when it's clear that parents favor a subset of the brothers. Case and point: Ron Bailey. You probably never heard of him (he used to play college football at Georgia). Do you know who you have heard of? His younger brothers, Champ and Boss Bailey. Yeah, somehow the two kids named "Champ" and "Boss" ended up becoming 1st and 2nd round NFL picks, respectively, but not ol' Ron. No, Ron (or, Ronald, actually) somehow didn't garner the confidence from his parents to receive a cool name, like 'Winner', 'Mustang', or 'Ultra'. Instead he's the one Bailey brother with the normal person name and no NFL experience.
What's not cool to DBSF is when it's clear that parents favor a subset of the brothers. Case and point: Ron Bailey. You probably never heard of him (he used to play college football at Georgia). Do you know who you have heard of? His younger brothers, Champ and Boss Bailey. Yeah, somehow the two kids named "Champ" and "Boss" ended up becoming 1st and 2nd round NFL picks, respectively, but not ol' Ron. No, Ron (or, Ronald, actually) somehow didn't garner the confidence from his parents to receive a cool name, like 'Winner', 'Mustang', or 'Ultra'. Instead he's the one Bailey brother with the normal person name and no NFL experience.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Dan Uggla & Inner-ear Dan Uggla
Atlanta Braves' second baseman Dan Uggla is in the midst of a 31-game hit streak. (For those unfamiliar with baseball this is a good thing; like finding out Anne Hathaway and Rachel McAdams are going to compete on Dancing with the Stars and/ or a reality-based cooking program.) But, what's most impressive is that Uggla was batting a Rob Deer-esque .173 before the streak started, and as of last night is only batting .224 (i.e., the producers of the aforementioned programming replaced Anne Hathaway--with either Chloe Kardahsian, Amber from Teen Mom, or Heidi Montag--not good).
DBSF is highly suspicious of this streak. Or, perhaps suspicious isn't the right word; maybe something more paternal, but definitely emotionally remote. Knowing Uggla's desire to be a career .240 hitter, DBSF is more 'concerned' for the second baseman, psychologically speaking.
It's like Uggla recognizes the importance of the feat, and superficially takes pride in the cheering from fans every time the announcer mentions the streak over the loudspeaker and in seeing his name in bold print even after the Braves' lose to the National's by a half-dozen runs. But, internally--and he must protect these true feelings as they are antithetical to the core interests of his profession--he is conflicted because deep, deep, inner-gut down he's in agony over the thought of potentially raising his career .258 average. Further, the thought that every season he raises it causes exponentially greater consternation because he must play that many more years of baseball to lower it to the career .240 he so greatly desires.
It's a common struggle that individuals face every day--professional verse personal goals; the good of the community verse the good of the individual; acceptance v. contentment. Very yin and yang. Presumably before every at-bat Uggla has a conversation with his own personal inner-ear Uggla that goes something like the following:
Uggla: Crud. They're cheering. Name's on the scoreboard? Sheesh. 31? 31, now? Double crud.
Inner-ear Uggla: If they could assure us that this thing would go 16, 17 innings at least and we could get 8 or 9 at-bats, maybe 10 with a double-switch I'd say put it in that hole in right-center. Heck, we could even run to second--that doesn't change a batting average . . .
Uggla: They said when Rose went for 42 after 20 he was so nervous that he'd wake up each night with a pool of blood in his mouth. He'd have chewed through the inner-lining of his cheek. Every night.
Inner-ear Uggla: Swinging is a purely subjective phenomenon.
Uggla: Every strikeout only makes the opposing pitcher look better. Puts food on his family's plate that's for sure.
Inner-ear Uggla: Rose is baseball's anti-hero.
Uggla: How many batter's timeouts can I take? Is it like filibustering or . . . ?
Inner-ear Uggla: McGwire, Sosa, Bonds . . . they killed us. The beauty of the game used to be in its defense.
Uggla: Pitching duels. Roger Clemens. Doc Gooden. 20-plus strikeouts in less than 8 innings of work.
Inner-ear Uggla: Golf got it right. Less is more.
Uggla: Swinging is subjective. A strike is a beautiful thing.
DBSF is highly suspicious of this streak. Or, perhaps suspicious isn't the right word; maybe something more paternal, but definitely emotionally remote. Knowing Uggla's desire to be a career .240 hitter, DBSF is more 'concerned' for the second baseman, psychologically speaking.
It's like Uggla recognizes the importance of the feat, and superficially takes pride in the cheering from fans every time the announcer mentions the streak over the loudspeaker and in seeing his name in bold print even after the Braves' lose to the National's by a half-dozen runs. But, internally--and he must protect these true feelings as they are antithetical to the core interests of his profession--he is conflicted because deep, deep, inner-gut down he's in agony over the thought of potentially raising his career .258 average. Further, the thought that every season he raises it causes exponentially greater consternation because he must play that many more years of baseball to lower it to the career .240 he so greatly desires.
It's a common struggle that individuals face every day--professional verse personal goals; the good of the community verse the good of the individual; acceptance v. contentment. Very yin and yang. Presumably before every at-bat Uggla has a conversation with his own personal inner-ear Uggla that goes something like the following:
Uggla: Crud. They're cheering. Name's on the scoreboard? Sheesh. 31? 31, now? Double crud.
Inner-ear Uggla: If they could assure us that this thing would go 16, 17 innings at least and we could get 8 or 9 at-bats, maybe 10 with a double-switch I'd say put it in that hole in right-center. Heck, we could even run to second--that doesn't change a batting average . . .
Uggla: They said when Rose went for 42 after 20 he was so nervous that he'd wake up each night with a pool of blood in his mouth. He'd have chewed through the inner-lining of his cheek. Every night.
Inner-ear Uggla: Swinging is a purely subjective phenomenon.
Uggla: Every strikeout only makes the opposing pitcher look better. Puts food on his family's plate that's for sure.
Inner-ear Uggla: Rose is baseball's anti-hero.
Uggla: How many batter's timeouts can I take? Is it like filibustering or . . . ?
Inner-ear Uggla: McGwire, Sosa, Bonds . . . they killed us. The beauty of the game used to be in its defense.
Uggla: Pitching duels. Roger Clemens. Doc Gooden. 20-plus strikeouts in less than 8 innings of work.
Inner-ear Uggla: Golf got it right. Less is more.
Uggla: Swinging is subjective. A strike is a beautiful thing.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Michael Beasley, on par for Michael Beasley
At a Dyckman Park playground game, Timberwolves' PF/ PG County native Michael Beasley (inevitably) "shoved a heckler in the face" (translation: "punched"). Security intervened and separated Beasley and the heckler, and the two supposedly shook hands after the game.
For Beasley, who achieved notoriety back in 2008 for getting caught 'smoking the pot' at the NBA rookie camp, punching/ face-shoving a pedestrian represents a relatively harmless transgression. Considering other NBA Prince Georges County'ians penchant for mid-afternoon fully-armed, route 50 three-wheel motorcycle rides Beasley almost deserves approbation for exhibiting such reserve.
In other news, Beasley's former team, the Heat (the ones who levied the fine for the rookie camp pot smoking sesh), are rumored to be targeting Shane Battier, Tayshaun Prince, and Grant Hill to fill a void created by everyone on the team not named LeBron, Dwayne, or Chris. If the Heat can't land Battier, Prince, or Hill then they are expected to focus on Michael Redd or Tracy McGrady, which would be like trading Mike Miller for three Mike Millers.
For Beasley, who achieved notoriety back in 2008 for getting caught 'smoking the pot' at the NBA rookie camp, punching/ face-shoving a pedestrian represents a relatively harmless transgression. Considering other NBA Prince Georges County'ians penchant for mid-afternoon fully-armed, route 50 three-wheel motorcycle rides Beasley almost deserves approbation for exhibiting such reserve.
In other news, Beasley's former team, the Heat (the ones who levied the fine for the rookie camp pot smoking sesh), are rumored to be targeting Shane Battier, Tayshaun Prince, and Grant Hill to fill a void created by everyone on the team not named LeBron, Dwayne, or Chris. If the Heat can't land Battier, Prince, or Hill then they are expected to focus on Michael Redd or Tracy McGrady, which would be like trading Mike Miller for three Mike Millers.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
DBSF's Thursday Afternoon Review
Former NBA player (but more importantly former star of MTV's The Perfect Score and supporting actor of Van Wilder) Darius Miles was arrested this week at a St. Louis airport for attempting to bring a gun on board a plane. This comes as quite an achievement for Darius considering the post-9/11 cultural anathema associated with weaponry and airports as well as the countless pictorial, audio and televisual reminders (usually highlighted by a circle with a cross-bar or an an X through an anonymous firearm) that bringing such ware is inappropriate.
AROD was involved in a high stakes poker game with other celebrities where apparently cocaine was consumed. Word is that AROD could face sanctions from MLB for his involvement. Sadly, AROD will likely avoid censure for steroid use, last season's .270 batting average on a quarter-billion dollar contract, and his acquiescence to this photo.
Miami Dolphins' quarterback Chad Henne is disturbed with fans for boo'ing him at the team's training camp this week. DBSF is disturbed that there are individuals in this fine country that would take time out of their day to watch a Dolphins' training camp in person. That's the only camp in the NFL where the defense routinely outscores the offense during 7-on-7 no-pad scrimmages.
The NBA is suing the NBA Player's Union for "being uncooperative in negotiations toward a new collective bargaining agreement". Over the past few centuries it would be interesting to see the number of times that young black men were successful--much less attempted--to sue exceptionally wealthy, older white men on account of "being uncooperative in negotiations toward [the interests of black men]".
With the exception of Michael Jordan and a few nominal, celebrity minority owners it is pleasing to see the economically advantageous owners experience and possess little influence over "uncooperative negotiations". Whites might own the stadiums and the teams, and dole out fines for trash talking, but blacks own the brand and the game. Pro Turkish ball is about to get a whole lot more exciting next year.
AROD was involved in a high stakes poker game with other celebrities where apparently cocaine was consumed. Word is that AROD could face sanctions from MLB for his involvement. Sadly, AROD will likely avoid censure for steroid use, last season's .270 batting average on a quarter-billion dollar contract, and his acquiescence to this photo.
Miami Dolphins' quarterback Chad Henne is disturbed with fans for boo'ing him at the team's training camp this week. DBSF is disturbed that there are individuals in this fine country that would take time out of their day to watch a Dolphins' training camp in person. That's the only camp in the NFL where the defense routinely outscores the offense during 7-on-7 no-pad scrimmages.
The NBA is suing the NBA Player's Union for "being uncooperative in negotiations toward a new collective bargaining agreement". Over the past few centuries it would be interesting to see the number of times that young black men were successful--much less attempted--to sue exceptionally wealthy, older white men on account of "being uncooperative in negotiations toward [the interests of black men]".
With the exception of Michael Jordan and a few nominal, celebrity minority owners it is pleasing to see the economically advantageous owners experience and possess little influence over "uncooperative negotiations". Whites might own the stadiums and the teams, and dole out fines for trash talking, but blacks own the brand and the game. Pro Turkish ball is about to get a whole lot more exciting next year.
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