US Holds off Angola by 55

In the first round of the 2010 FIBA World Basketball Championships, the US, led by Chauncey Billups' 19 points on 5-7 shooting, jumped out to a 20 point first quarter lead to hold off Angola. Luanda Guard, Carlos Morais, didn't help the Angolans by contributing a 1-10 performance topped off with his 14th straight missed three in FIBA competition. The Angolans knew they were in trouble when Tyson Chandler appeared on the court and it wasn't to shake hands after the game.

Why DBSF doesn't go to Tennis Matches (or, is it Games?)

Fast forward to about 1:05.

Basic Queens. So not only do you slam tackle an old man down a few rows of seats, but then you get punched in your face by his slightly less older wife? Notice the tightness of his grey t-shirt. DBSF is forever suspicious of men who procure artificially tight, fashionable t-shirts. All DBSF is saying, is that if he's going to tackle an old man at a sporting event then DBSF sure as heck better be in a faded pinkish-orange Panama Beach women's tank top.

Italia Trip Report #4 - Pescare Fuori di Acqua (Fish Out of Water)

by: the Admiral

Those of you that know me personally can attest to the fact that I am usually in my element in a casino. This was not the case at the Casino Venezia. No pictures are allowed inside, but its a very classy place on the Grand Canal that I imagine is very similar to what a casino in Monaco or Monte Carlo may look like. The smoking lounge overlooked the Grand Canal and looked like a grand ballroom out of a Renaissance castle. The casino was relatively busy, but was quiet as can be and every gambler in the room looked like James Bond. The dealers and pit bosses wore real tuxedos, not the Vegas faux tuxedos.

The fish out of water experience popped up very early in my Venetian Casino Adventure. After being denied entrance to the Casino Venezia on my previous trip to Venice 6 years ago because I was wearing shorts I felt ready with my nice slacks, pressed shirt, and shined shoes. But just as I started to walk up the staircase to the casino the Sicurezza (Security) stopped me in my tracks to let me know that gentlemen were required to wear a jacket. After a mix of both panic and disappointment started to sink in I was relieved when they told me that they would be happy to help me look the part of a gentleman by lending me a jacket at the coat check.

They did require a 50 Euro deposit, a copy of my passport, and a urine sample, but I was happy that my casino adventure was not going to be cut short again this trip. Although this bump in the road wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened, it was slightly embarrassing. I felt like the douchebag guy that always wanders into the high roller room where I'm gambling in Las Vegas who the pit boss has to walk up to and say, "Sir, maybe you would be more comfortable at one of our lower stakes tables." Anyway, I was now all set with my nice slacks, pressed shirt, shined shoes, and borrowed jacket with sleeves that were too short and I walked up 4 flights of stairs to the casino floor.

It took me some time to get into my groove. I was thrown off by the fact that it was busy but also deathly silent and no families from the Midwest were cutting through the table games wearing mesh tank tops and fanny packs. I nervously gambled at blackjack & roulette in a manner much meeker than I am used to for about an hour.

I then had about 11 beers and sat down next to a really annoying couple from New Jersey and started to feel more at home. Starting to believe that I was at Resorts Atlantic City and the beer buzz fooling me into thinking my Italian was fluent I started to bring out all of the old classics lines that have made me a darling (or jackass depending on who you ask) in casinos throughout North America.

Line 1 – The Coaster

Although drinking and blackjack go together like Nick Lachey and 2005 Matt Leinhart, for some reason blackjack tables do not come with cup holders. I’ve stained so many blackjack tables with spilled drinks that stock in Shout Stain Remover actually goes up a point when I book airfare to Las Vegas. In Vegas, regardless of how many times you spill your drink, they just bring you new ones. At the Casino Venezia its not quite the same.

Dealer: Il signore, lei non può mettere la sua birra sulla tavola. (Sir, you can not put your beer on the table)

To which I respond by knocking over and spreading out all the Euro chips I’ve won all over the table, placing my beer on top of that and saying…

Me: Farla sa ciò che fa un buono sottobicchiere. I lotti e molti frammenti. (You know what makes a good coaster. Lots and lots of chips.)

Line 2 – The Superstitious BAM!

In BJ when you are dealt an Ace to start that is good, and when the dealer comes back around with your 2nd card you are looking for a 10. This gives you a blackjack and you win automatically. Superstition is an important part of gambling and my blackjack superstition is that anytime I get dealt an Ace for my first card and need a 10 for blackjack, a split second before the dealer drops my second card I slam the table violently and say....

Me: Il BAM!! (BAM!!)

Line 3 – Let’s Be Friends

Now, when the dealer starts with an Ace or a 10 that is bad. Whenever this happens I let the dealer know, whether they are Italian or American, that I do not approve by saying…

Me: Voglio amarla la signorina, non lo fa duro. (I want to like you Miss, don't make it hard.)

Line 4 – The Reluctant Color Up

There is nothing better that hitting a hot streak at blackjack. If your heater lasts long enough you can actually win most or all of the green $25 chips that the dealer has in the house tray. This is usually no big deal. When a gambler has lots of $25 chips in front of them the dealer politely asks them to exchange a portion of them for black $100 chips. If you win most of the $100 chips they just politely ask you exchange them for orange $500 “pumpkins” so that they can replenish their tray. If for whatever reason the house tray gets too low for all denominations then a security guard, usually a scary looking one over 6’5” and 350 pounds carrying a sidearm, will walk up with a locked tray, refill the trips, and have the dealer sign off on it. Now, whether I’m in Atlantic City, the Detroit Motor City Casino, or the uber fancy Casino Venezia I always rebuff the polite requests from dealers and pit bosses to “color up”. It’s just bad karma. In Italian, the exchange goes like this…

Dealer: Siamo fuori da di $25 frammenti di Euro, ho bisogno di lei per commerciarli in per $100 frammenti di Euro. (We are out of $25 Euro chips, could you please trade yours in for $100 Euro chips.)

To which I respond by looking at the dealer like they are a space alien asking for a kidney and saying…

Me: Non coloro su. Se lei ha bisogno di più 20s di Euro poi la chiamata sopra l'individuo grande con la pistola ed i frammenti e l'ha ricarica il suo vassoio. (I'm not coloring up. If you need more 25 Euro chips then call over the big guy with the gun and the chips and have him refill your tray.)

On this particular night this was the one that got me in trouble. My Italian is not as fluent as I thought and I think what I really said was, "If you want my chips, you need to think about the big gun in my pocket.".

I had tuxedos closing in on me from all angles and I got the hell out of there. I was the best dressed signori running at breakneck speed towards Piazza San Marco looking for the Hotel Splendid Venice. I snuck back into the casino the next day to get the 50 Euro deposit back on the too small loaner jacket.

A Sign that Matt Leinart has had Better Days

The AP is reporting that the Arizona Cardinals are seeking a trade for the underwhelming Matt Leinart. Of course, saying that Leinart has underwhelmed since being the 10th overall pick four years ago (remember if he had left after his junior year he would be Alex Smith/ the starting QB for the San Fransisco 49ers) is like saying that Bear Sterns underperformed in its out-year performance targets for 2009, 2010, and 2011.

As if things couldn't get any worse for Leinart, the Oakland Raiders denied that they have any interest in trading for the QB. In fact, they actually took the effort to type-up and release a press statement publicizing their non-interest. This is the same team that has plays called from the owners box, drafts Darrius Heyward-Bey 7th overall, and signs Javon Walker to a contract that stipulates Walker receiving some form of financial remuneration (as opposed to mass forwardings of online coupons for free shipping on Dell laptops). It's like having a prostitute tell you that you're "not her type".

This is a long fall for Leinart. At USC he looked like a high-end Kohl's model (maybe even a guy who would be in the background playing basketball in a Powerade commercial) and was rumored to socialize with the elite of the reality TV celebosphere. Fortunately for Matt if the NFL thing doesn't work out he probably won't have to answer any more questions about when/ if the new 98 Degrees album will come out.

Make Your Own Caption

by: the Admiral

Today’s blog post will be interactive. In the comment section write your own caption for one, some, or all of the following photos (Label your comment with A, B, C, or D).

Please don’t be shy, embarrassed, or bashful. Even a mediocre effort is 1,000 times superior to not attempting at all. This fact is proven by the less than mediocre sample captions I came up with.

All who participate will receive 500 DBSF points for use on the DBSF Merchandise Page and the best caption for each photo will receive 25,000 DBSF points**.

**As always, the DBSF legal teams insists I must remind you:

• The DBSF Merchandise Page is currently under construction and expected to go live sometime in 2015.
• All unredeemed DBSF points expire every Thursday

A)

• Final preparations for the always fun game of Ultimate Twister
• “If the mop doesn’t work, you could always try a Magic Eraser.”

B)

• “Hey God, this is Moses. Sorry to bother you at home, but I lost the Ten Commandments.”
• “Hey Honey. I can’t remember, was I supposed to pick up dinner or a cool new ashtray? Dinner? Dammit, I thought so.”

C)

• Backstage at a Christmas Coca-Cola commercial shoot
• “’Entourage’ is a repeat? You get up and change the channel; I didn’t lose the remote.”

D)

• “Just look at the bright side Bob. The emergency phone may be 174 km away, but I’m pretty sure by the time we get there you won’t be bleeding anymore.”
• Next Sign - ‘Speed limit: 25 mph’
• Next Sign - ‘Exact Change Only’

Italia Trip Report #3 – Venezia Bar Crawl

by: the Admiral

Venice is an absolutely beautiful city. I stepped off the water taxi in Venezia at San Marco Square and the first thing I saw was the photo on the left. The photo on the right is from the Venetian Hotel & Casino on my last trip to Las Vegas:

I’ll have to verify which was built first, but my suspicion is that Venice, Italy has ripped off this Las Vegas landmark and built an EXACT full scale replica of the St. Mark's bell tower from the Venetian Las Vegas. I started to have flashbacks of a recent trip to Las Vegas to visit my brother playing in the WSOP when I drank way too much on the plane and my first memory in Vegas was recovering from a waking blackout 5 hours into a poker tournament at the Venetian.

Then while continuing to my hotel I saw the Hard Rock Venezia…..

…….and had a flashback to my 2005 trip to Vegas. Anyway, after having these Vegas flashbacks to swell party times in Vegas and since the rest of my party fell asleep upon arrival in Venezia I decided it was a good idea to do a Venetian Bar Crawl.

Café Molinari

I started at the Café Molinari where I had 3 tall Heinkens while watching the Italian National Basketball team play Finland. At first it looked like normal basketball. Their coach (pictured below, left) was like the Italian Pat Riley with his animated referee arguing and greased back hair. Although I must admit, greased back hair isn’t exactly uncommon in Italy.

They also had this guy with the Italian version of the Richard Hamilton face shield.

And shame on me for not snapping the photo in time, but they had a 5’9” version of Kurt Rambis complete with Italian Rec Specs. It was like the Mini-Me Kurt Rambis. Without the photo, below is the best Italian Rambis vs. U.S. Rambis comparative depiction I can offer.

After watching for a bit I realized this was not the PG County brand of basketball. Do you remember when the Harlem Globetrotters would play the Generals? This was the Generals vs. the Generals. Apparently to make the Italian National team the only qualifications are that you be over 5’7”, slow, Italian, and be one of the 12 people in the country that prefer basketball to soccer, Formula 1, bocce or skiing. Then I thought, I’m over 5’7”, I’m Italian, and I’m slow, I should join the Italian Basketball team.

Seriously; Airballs, bricks, errant passes, etc. PG County locals will have seen better basketball between middle schoolers at UP Drexel Park. I’m pretty sure even my Tunisian Crossover would have broken some ankles. The Tunisian crossover consists of only dribbling with my right hand, going at a leisured pace directly to the basket, and at some point during the slow, prolonged journey to the hoop I raise my head up from staring at the ball and momentarily look away from the hoop to my left.

Bacaro Jazz Bar

The Bacaro Jazz Bar is a combination of bars I’ve visited in New Orleans and Coyote Ugly, complete with dozens of bras strung from the ceiling. I asked for a draft of Hoegarden Beer and when he asked if I wanted the piccolo or grande I ordered the grande (large), not realizing I’d be receiving approximately two GALLONs of beer. My very photogenic barrel of Hoegarden is pictured below.

After 3 Molinari 16oz Heinkens, and a 256oz Hoegarden I got hungry. After two weeks of prosciutto, gnocchi, salami, formaggio, and other Italian foods I needed some regular drunken eats. I went with the “Chiken Wings with Mexican Sauce”.

I was okay with the C being missing from the word chiCken on the menu, but was utterly disappointed that the wings were not served with celery. As any god fearing, upstanding hot wing eater can tell you, celery serves as a coolant and is an essential part of the chicken wing experience and you should never eat wings without coolant.

Ristortante “Al Buso”

The Ristorante Al Buso was directly under the Rialto Bridge and I thought it was the perfect place to stop for another drink on my Venetian Bar Crawl adventure. The following interaction took place in Italian (English translation in bold red).

• Me: (Walk up to bar) Scusa mi mell barista, può ha per favore un grand'abbozzo di Heineken?
• Excuse me barkeep, can I please have a large Heineken draft?
• Barkeep: Lei non può prendere appena una birra. Lei deve prendere una tavola ed ordina alcuno cibo.
• You can’t just get a beer. You have to get a table and order some food.
• Me: Non sono spaventato.
• I am not scared.
• Barkeep: ……..… Che?
• ………………… What?
• Me: Penso che lei mi abbia sentito. Non sono spaventato. Sederò a quella tavola fuori da lì sotto il ponte. Portarmi le lasagne ed un Heineken disegnano.
• I think you heard me. I am not scared. I’ll be sitting at that table out there under the bridge. Bring me lasagna and a Heineken draft.

So even though I was full of Mexican Chiken Wings and an enormous amount of Hoegarden I was not going to let this barkeep put a damper on my Venetian Bar Crawl. I had a lively discussion with the two below gentlemen from Naples sitting next to me, and because my fluency in Italian dropped as my beer count rose there was a bit of confusion. It didn’t help that Jowls McGhee (on the right) was apparently stashing a slab of veal in each cheek. I still need to check my phrase book to confirm, but I think that I either accepted a job offer as a grape stomper from Jowls McGhee or I am betrothed to the hairiest daughter of Signori Orange Shirt on the left.

After enjoying the below pictured Heineken and forcing the lasagna to pile up on the chicken wings in my stomach I stopped by the bathroom to drain the beers.

When I stepped into the bathroom I was intrigued to see they had the famous toilet from the Godfather with the raised wooden tank where Michael Corleone retrieves the gun and walks out to execute Sollozzo and McCluskey.

I could hear Sonny Corleone’s voice in my head saying, “Hey, listen, I want somebody good – and I mean very good – to plant the gun. I don’t want my brother coming out of the toilet with just his dick in his hands, alright?” I almost reached into the tank to check for a gun, but after the pleasant conversation I had with Jowls McGhee and Signori Orange Shirt I didn’t feel right about executing them and slipping off into the quiet Venetian night. Plus, Michael had to flee to Sicily after the murder, and I had just driven from Rome to Tuscany to Venice and could not afford any more liters of diesel for my Renault 5008.

Birreria Paulaner

I only spent about 10 minutes at the Birreria Paulaner which consisted of watching some soccer, ordering a grappa, and then getting into a heated argument with the above pictured elderly couple from Boise, Idaho about whether grappa was an aperitif or digestif. I was almost certain it was the latter and with a panini, wings, lasagna, and a barrel of alcohol in my stomach I needed a digestif and could not afford to be wrong. The lady in the black dress pictured below sitting behind the old man settled the argument confirming it was indeed a digestif; I shouted, “IN THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!”, pounded my grappa and bolted out of there.

The ooBARoo

The oooooooooooooo Bar ooooooooooooooooo is where things go a little fuzzy. I ordered a Jack & Coke after having the following conversation with the bartender. My fluency in Italian at this point was buried somewhere in my subconscious hiding, not wanting to be the brain cells that expired permanently that night, so this conversation took place in English. My mumbling and stumbling were probably just as much at fault as the language barrier, but here is how it went down.

Me: Do you have Jim Beam?

Bartender: Yam Bing?

Me: JIM…….BEEEEEAMMM!

Bartender: Gamme Bayme?

Me: Bourbon. Jim Beam! Jim Beam with Coke.

Bartender: Ah yes. Coca-Cola. One Coca-Cola.

Me: No. no. no. JIM BEAM WITH COKE. BOURBON. WHISKEY! WHISKEY!!!

Bartender: Ahhh. Whiskey. Yack Daniels with Coca-Cola.

Me: Fine. Close enough. Give me a Yack Daniels with Coca-Cola.

Since DBSF was born as a blog about Society & Sport, I will mention that ski jumping was on the TV during this exchange. You know what’s insane. Ski jumping. There are three types; normal hill, large hill, and the third is actually called SKI-FLYING!! These guys ski down the ramp at 65mph, takeoff, jump distances of about 775 feet (2 and a half football fields) while falling 300 feet. Its basically skydiving without a parachute. Enough Eurosports coverage, back to the bar crawl.

Inishark Irish Pub

This picture of the Inishark Irish Pub was taken the following afternoon because I had to make a very quick exit from this place during my bar crawl. I ordered a Jameson on the rocks and while I waited 15 minutes for them to find the rocks (since no one uses ice in Italy) I was looking around at the stuff hanging on the walls. Looking at the photo now I realize that I was overreacting, but in my drunken haze I swore that the below rabbit face (left) was a dead ringer for Frank the Rabbit from Donnie Darko (right).

With sober eyes I can see that it wasn’t even close, but my drunk mind started racing and all I could hear in my head was Joy Divisions “Love will Tear Us Apart” playing while Frank the Rabbit is whispering in my ear, ”28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.” I downed the Jameson and suddenly felt very claustrophobic at the Inishark and in the narrow Venetian alleyways where it was located.

I booked it down the winding confusing streets, howled at the full moon,

And felt much better when I got into the less constricting wide open St. Mark’s Square.

San Marco Square

When I saw it earlier in the afternoon it was a zoo with a mass of people. Its much quieter and calm at night. The square is huge and beautiful and flanked on one side by the Doge’s Palace and St. Mark’s Basilica and St. Mark’s Bell Tower in another corner. In the large square they have 4 separate orchestras set up on small stages in front of café tables with musicians playing accordions, violins, and other instruments. I sat down, grabbed a menu, and was happy to see that this was the one place in all of Italy that serves Jim Beam. It was 11.50 Euro ($15), but I didn’t care. With service charge and “music charge” my bill was actually 26.50 Euro ($34.71), but was totally worth it.

It was without a doubt, the fanciest Beam & Coke I ever consumed. It was served by gentlemen in white tuxedos and came on a silver tray with

1) white linen lining

2) a highball filled halfway with Jim Beam

3) a glass coke bottle

4) a blue blown glass drink stirrer

5) a silver napkin holder with cloth napkins

6) a bowl of mixed nuts with a fancy serving spoon

7) a bowl of ice

One tuxedo clad server walked up with tongs and put individual ice cubes into my glass of Beam until I waved him off, then his partner poured the Coke until I waved him off. Then when I pulled out a cigarette to smoke before enjoying the music and my cocktail another white tuxedoed server bolted across the piazza like OJ Simpson running through the airport in a Hertz Rent-A-Car commercial and lit my cigarette and placed a bejeweled ashtray on my table.

Night Club Antico Pignolo

Sufficiently done after a bar crawl that started around 5:30 p.m. and was now approaching 1:30 a.m. I tried to orient myself and find my hotel. I starting walking ever growing spirals centered on San Marco Square. By 1:55 a.m. I hadn’t found my hotel, but I did find a mosaic tile singing a siren song, pointing me to the Night Club Antico Pignolo, which translates to the Ancient Wine Grape Discoteque.

I could just imagine or make up what happened at the Discoteque and report it to you, but the Admiral stands for honesty and integrity so I can not. This is because I have no photos or recollection of what happened after I walked forward and to the left as the red arrow directed me to, so there will be no further details about the Antico Pignolo.

The next and final memory of my epic Venetian Bar Crawl was just before sunrise when the guy (pictured below) was yelling at me to wake up and get the hell out of his gondola (also pictured below). I apologized, handed him 50 Euro which seemed to appease him, and asked him how to get to the Hotel Splendid Venice. He laughed, and pointed the bow of his gondola to the building right across the bridge at the top of the photo. He said for 20 more Euro I could hop back in and he’d ride me the 12 meters to my hotel. I declined and walk of shamed it over to the bridge and snapped his photo as he sailed beneath me.

P.S. I mean no disrespect to the Self Service Cat & Bar Banera. The only proof I have that I attended either establishment was these two photos and receipts from 7:00 and 7:15pm. I’m sure good times were had at both places, so even without any details I feel they’ve earned their inclusion into Italia Trip Report #3 – Venetian Bar Crawl.

Question for Roger Clemens

The sports' media is in hysteria over Roger Clemens return to Washington and his alleged lying to a Congressional panel on the use of steroids and human-growth hormones. Everyone wants to know: Did he do it? Did Roger take the steroids? Did he lie to Congress? Etc, etc, etc.

But, something's afoot at the Circle K. There's something blatant, and much more deserving of attention that is getting lost in the hype. A 48 year old, multimillionaire former Cy Young winner is rocking frosted tips.

Roger you are aware aren't you that you're going to a federal court to enter a plea on charges that could result in you serving over a year in jail? And, Roger--in a state of what DBSF has to believe is delusional judicial exigency--you thought frosted tips were, legally speaking, a "go-to"?

Fortunately for the Rocket's legal situation he nixed his original wardrobe of a fishnet button-down complimented with stone-washed, mid-thigh cut-off jean shorts.

Italia Trip Report #2 – Torneo di Bocce

by: the Admiral




Today we will still be discussing the previously mentioned 28 person, 2 donkey hamlet of Fellicarolo. Specifically we will be discussing one of Fellicaro's first loves; bocce ball. Bocce is taken very seriously, almost as a religious experience, and therefore must be adjacent to a church. Fellicarolo's church/bocce complex for religion/sports is pictured above.

In a town of with a population of 28 there were no less than 24 of them at the bocce ball court any time I passed by the church on my way to or from town. There were 2 weird things I noticed about these bocce ball matches.

1) The 1st is that the 24+ regular players I observed were all over 80 years old. Since the population of the town is 28, I guess the other 4 citizens of the town are younger and are in charge of procreation to ensure the continued populating of Fellicarolo into the future.

2) The 2^nd weird thing is that these octogenarians were holding bocce balls, but I rarely ever saw anyone actually throw one. There was a lot of arm flailing and screaming and some bad Italian words my grandmother used to call me, but there was not a lot of actual bocce going on. When I would walk by the debates ranged from whose ball was closer to why America sucks to how in the past EVERYTHING used to be better. Based on the game tempo I witnessed, the October 8^th, 2010 town tournament advertised below may actually overlap the start of the 2011 tournament.

I just have a few observations regarding this poster for the Fellicarolo Torneo di bocce (Click pic for large version).

1-If you did not believe me when I said Fellicarolo takes their bocce very seriously, just look closely at the poster and notice that they spell B-O-C-C-E using the 5 Olympic Rings to represent each individual letter. Apparently, this isn't just any town bocce tournament; this is the Bocce Olympics and Fellicarrolo is ground zero for the biggest, baddest bocciers in the world.

2- The second observation stems from the fact that this sign was up at all. I arrived in Fellicarrolo in early August; The poster was weathered and looked to be at least two months old and the adult tournament does not take place for another TWO months on October 8^th. HOW do you need 4 months to promote a town bocce ball tournament when out of the 28 person population, 24 of those 28 people can be found regularly at the bocce court. Couldn't they instead just have the following conversation on October 7^th,

Giuseppe: Hey, let's have our Bocce Olympics tomorrow? All in favor say 'Si'.

23 other old men at the bocce court: Si!!

Giuseppe: Okay, and whose not here? Giovanni, you go tell Angelo, Emilio, and Enzo, and tell him his rooster cannot enter this year and he owes me a goat.

3- You'll notice the sign says, "Vi aspettiamo numerosi" which translates to "We expect many." The reason it is in quotes is because even though it's full participation, 28 people hardly qualifies as "many."

JR Smith in an Altercation?

The AP is reporting that police are investigating an alleged altercation that took place between Denver Nuggets G/F JR Smith and another man at the Nugget's practice facility. DBSF has just one question: Is this the look of a guy who would get involved in an altercation?

Okay, well besides this time . . .







And, this time . . .










And, okay this time . . .