Steve Nash Haircuts: A Retrospective

Euro-by-way-of-Argentina midfielder-cut.

What are labels? What is "emo"? I play emotional rock music.

Twink-baller.

This is the "I was a Vivid mule for much of the late 90's. Did like 180 movies between '98 and '02" look. Sadly, that's the same same haircut of the guy overdoses on H in '04 but slightly less sadly, a few months prior he procured a pretty wicked used Dodge Viper, which went close to a month without getting totaled.

Post-Aniston Rachel-cut--same bounce, less layering.

This is the haircut of every white guy that can reeeaallllly hoop. None of that white-chocolate styling--straight fade on the bottom, reasonably neatly cropped on top.

Also, Ravens 29 - 49ers 21 . . . 

Why is it a problem?

The Manti Te'o hoax/ non-hoax/ whatever looks to be finally coming to a close. After all the interviews and ESPN coverage with excellent analysis from experts on non- and quasi-existing and/ or imagined human beings we've learned nothing other than what we knew when it began--Te'o was either the victim of a ploy that is the basis of 80% of MTV's current programming or he made it up, which is of 'Kardashian perspective on monetary policy' significant.

What is interesting however is that Te'o's made/ non-made-up girlfriend is affecting his draft status  . . . and adversely! There are rumors that he could fall out of the top ten and into the second round. Now any number of Oakland Raider LBs or NFL players' whose names rhyme with Boethlisberger give means to suspect a player on criminal grounds, especially in the latter case if the criminality involves women.

But do you know how many imaginary GFs have been assaulted, pushed or served as a co-complainant in some public intoxication escapade? Probably not too many. So any time a potential NFL player decides or is duped into believing that an imaginary GF or, heck, an imaginary entourage exists then it can only be a bonus for an NFL organization because any disturbance, violence or general deviance associated with that player can only be self-imposed. Yeah, bro, yell at that non-existent friend all you want. Heck, kill him/ her and recreate him/ her once you get over it. If nothing the imaginary GF fiasco should increase Te'o's draft stock.

Draft, Action "Sports" et al Stuff

Virginia Tech QB Logan Thomas told the team that he will return for his fifth and final season with the Hokies . Prior to the Russell Athletic Bowl--which if media organizations, like Yahoo! or the AP didn't want to be condescending would just say "prior to a bowl game"--Thomas was undecided on entering the draft and was waiting to hear if the "draft advisory board suggested he could be a first-round draft choice". Presumably this was a draft for the armed services as Thomas's accuracy wouldn't qualify him for the first round a UFL Supplemental Draft.The Yahoo! article goes on to state that "early draft projections had him ranked highly among quarterbacks because of his size and running ability, which have drawn comparisons to Cam Newton." In other words he's a bigger, black QB with better mobility than Jared Lorenzen. As after that the similarities with Newton cease.

Also the action "sports" world received a shock when its only other non-Kelly Slater name, Shaun White, announced that he won't be competing in skateboarding in 2013 so he can focus on snowboarding half-pipes. This news came as a serious concern for some. Yes, there are minor global political and economic inconveniences, like the US Government potentially defaulting on its financial obligations for the first time in over thirty years, the Syrian government allegedly using chemical weapons against its own people, and primarily foreign Islamists potentially conquering an entire African nation, but more importantly a 26 year old from Carlsbad needs to take time off his busy skateboarding schedule to refocus his professional goals on snowboarding, which to 99.99999% of the world is skateboarding on snow.

Finally, with only three NFL games left there's no point in not projecting Conference Championships, however based on last week, this should serve as a guide to bet on the opposite outcome: San Fran 23 -- Atlanta 17. Bearish on Kaepernick. Bearerish on Atlanta sports in general. New England 27 -- Bahl-i-murr 24. Brady is a machine and it will likely come down to the last play, which hopefully won't end with a Brazillian supermodel in a luxury box jumping up and down while clutching a bottle of water and a purse the cost of a public school principal's annual salary.

Divisional Predictions

Wildcard predictions were 50/ 50 range, which is on par with what you'd expect from a young child or an aunt who doesn't watch football because she "doesn't know what channel it's on" yet inevitably wins three out of four quarters in each year's Superbowl score squares-lottery. Green Bay was accurate, Baltimore gave more offense than projected and if Dalton didn't overthrow AJ Green Cincinnati would have been quite close. The main outlier was Washington, which included a qualified prediction dependent upon the health of RG3's knee. The Skins' prediction looked good through the first quarter when they jumped out to a 14-0 lead but everything deteriorated after RG3 re-aggravated his knee injury. On to the divisionals:

Denver 31 -- Baltimore 13: The projection includes an expected conservative field goal on 4th and a very short goal to-go for Denver as well as an uncharacteristic Peyton Manning turnover on Baltimore's side of the field. In other words, this game could have easily been a thirty point blow-out. Peyton has won 9 straight verse the Ravens and less than a month ago the Broncos won by 17 in Baltimore and were up 28 at one point in the fourth quarter. The return-of-Ray-effect won't offset the fact that in terms of yards per game the Broncos were the third best in defending the pass and the run and that they led the league in sacks, which is a critical statistic in the NFL, where one sack effectively ends a drive. Considering that Denver averaged over 3 sacks a game and that there are 12-13 drives per game per team then teams essentially are forced to play Denver on offense for three quarters (9ish drives) as opposed to four (12-13).

Green Bay 28 -- San Francisco 24: The Packers lost week one at home to an Alex Smith led San Fran team. San Fran's defense is far superior to Green Bay's but here's the thing--in the last three games of the regular season Aaron Rodgers threw for 10 TDs and 0 pics. Despite last week's minor drop off (although he did complete 70% of his passes and the Packers always led comfortably so he was never really forced to air it out) Rodgers is in a zone where he's going to contribute to 4-5 scores 3 of which will likely be TDs. As a result, Kaepernick has to come up with at least 24 points or hope for a defensive score. Barring a fortuitous 49ers' fumble recovery this isn't likely. This game will be closer than last week for Green Bay and they may even have to come from behind in the fourth quarter but San Fran won't be able to keep pace with Green Bay's offense.

Atlanta 24 -- Seattle 14: If RG3's knee stays healthy, Russell Wilson has to air it out 4 out of 5 plays starting in the second quarter, the Skin's defense knows it and the Seahawks get clobbered. Still not over missing last week's call on account of an injury that in itself was highly likely. This should be the least entertaining game of the weekend and Atlanta will lead the entire game save a possible Seahawk FG to start the game. The score is going to go something like: ATL 14-0; 14-7; 17-7; 17-14; 24-14.

New England 38 -- Houston 17: Matt Schaub has now thrown one TD to four interceptions over his last five games. While Brady has thrown four pics in his last four games he's also thrown 9 TDs. The last time these teams plays four weeks ago it looked more like the Patriots were playing the University of Houston (sans Clyde Drexler/ David Klingler appearance). With this being the late game on Sunday, CBS programming executives should have no concern over potential delays to airing the regularly scheduled 60 Minutes at the conclusion of the game.

Wildcard Predictions

Cincinnati 20 -- Houston 16
Houston has lost three of its last four. Prior to that they beat Tennessee by 14, Detroit by 3, Chicago by 7 and Buffalo by 12--not the way to enter the playoffs. The Bengals, on the other hand, would be on an 8-game winning streak save a last second loss to an emotionally-charged Cowboys' team. This is a risk because Cincy only has two wins against playoff teams this season, but considering that Matt Schaub has 3 pics to only 1 TD over his last four games makes the Bengals the safer bet by default.

Green Bay 31 -- Minnesota 17
The Vikings finished the season extremely strong knocking off two potential playoff teams and the two three seeds in its final four games. Despite the loss last week Aaron Rodgers is having another Madden-on-rookie-difficulty season and the combination of home field, the Lambeau atmosphere, and the fact that Adrian Peterson can't throw and run the ball should ensure a relatively comfortable win for the Packers. Christian Ponder has already exceeded expectations based on this season alone. However he's also thrown for under 100 yards three times. Prediction: Rodgers completes 70% of his passes for 362 yards, 3 TDs, and 0 interceptions.

Baltimore 16 -- Indianapolis 13 
Indianapolis--or any team not with a quarterback named "Joe Flacco"--is tempting here but their 11 win season is inflated by their dismal previous season, which granted them an easy schedule. Further the Colts are the only team in the playoffs with a negative point differential. (In fact, their -30 puts them behind eight non-playoff teams: Steelers, Dolphins, Chargers, Giants, Bears, Panthers, Saints, and Bucs.) The psychological surge that the Ravens get from the return of a retiring Ray Lewis should be enough to get them into the Divisionals.

Washington 31 -- Seattle 20
This is the hardest game to pick because the status of RG3's knee makes it either a blow-out or it comes down to the final two minutes. 31-20 reflects the mean of those two outcomes. Two important facts. First, Russell Wilson hasn't had a bad game since week 7. He is due and it will occur this week, which is compounded by number two. Washington sports fans have become so desperate for winning that that they've spent most of the twenty-first century rallying around a Russian hockey team that plays at the Wizards' Verizon Center for a few months out of the year. Considering that the Redskins are the only professional sports team that matters in the city and that Robert Griffin III has achieved a level of reverence among Washington fans that surpasses that of monotheistic deities, Fedex Field at Raldjon/ Landover will make Seattle's CenturyLink Field look like an Atlanta Hawks' home pre-season game. Stampedes occur with less exigence than there will be Sunday night at Fedex. Skins win. And likely big.