Further Evidence that John Wall is a Rookie

In Tuesday night's loss to the Heat, Wizards' guard/ best player/ future/ dance innovator reminded fans in the Verizon Center that he was in fact a 20 year old rookie. It all started when Wall began closely defending Miami's back-up/ Soviet center Zydrunas Ilgauskas.

Right there's problem number one--presumably Wall was hoping for an easy steal, but Ilgauskas is like a Y2K bug threat from outside so letting the Russian lumber around until Wade or LeBron takes a hand-off from him would've sufficed. Instead, Ilgauskas caught a case of Marcus Camby-elbows, which resulted in Wall receiving a face full of Eastern Caucus forearm.



Wall responded by throwing a hand at Big Z, which considering the size disparity probably came off as more of a slap to the target. Next--God bless his heart--Javale McGee fancied that the best way to rectify the situation would be to have no other than, yes Javale McGee, intervene. Inevitably this caused what could have simply been poop falling on the edge of the carpet to diarrhea hitting the ceiling fan (on "AC Blast").

To even things out Heat reserve forward and the consummate veteran (although not for 'love of the game' reasons but to meet fiduciary responsibilities associated with fecundity) Juwan Howard entered the fray, and did exactly what any veteran should attempt to do in a close game--cause a ruckus involving as many of their good players at minimal cost to your team.



So, what resulted? Ejections. The Heat lose two bench players, who most often it seems only fill roster space, in Ilgauskas and Howard, and the Wizards lose Wall and almost McGee. Here's a less obvious case of where the Wizards' youth compromises their ability to win--Wall allows marginal players from the other team to engage him in a fight that results in his team losing their best player and almost another starter (McGee).

What Wall needs to learn is that no matter the degree of elbow-injustice, he can't go Pat Swayze in 'Red Dawn' and attack the Soviet invader. He needs to play for the Wizards to win, which means that fisticuffs are the work of otherwise limited veterans (or, in the Wizard's case recently called up D-Leaguers, like Othyus Jeffers or Mustafa Shakur).

Final Four Prognostications

ESPN reported today that of the 5 million-plus brackets on its website only two had selected the Final Four correctly. Although DBSF erred with the masses, he did have over half of the Final Four teams still alive in the second round. This preamble is included simply to qualify predictions, which based on past prognostications at least, will likely result in the opposite outcome of what is predicted.

VCU-Butler: VCU is a fart away from the Washington metro-area. The DC area is to basketball players what rural Louisiana is to football players, but multiplied--by like a lot (ironically, VCU has 0 players from the DC area, but its effect on talent must be a contagion). Honestly, University of Maryland Eastern Shore could probably win two games in the tournament if it were ever given something better than a 15-seed.

For a reason that has yet to be determined there is a wealth of basketball talent in the DC area. And, even though Butler has 1.5 pros on its team, DBSF likes VCU's size and speed. But, according to the commentators on Sportscenter that tell DBSF what to think everyday, VCU's game is predicated on building a lead with threes and maintaining it.



Winning the entire tournament while relying on threes presents consistency problems. And, considering that VCU is the first team in the history of the NCAA to win 5 straight games and not be in the Championship, DBSF is suspicious of their being able to stay hot from behind the arc (not to mention they were something like 3-13 from 2's in the first half verse Kansas). Verdict: Butler 68-58.

Kentucky-UConn: Younger super-athletes meet slightly older super-athletes. Kentucky can beat a third of the NBA's teams if it wants to. Kentucky can also lose to one of those junior colleges where bench players also work at the scores table/ concessions stand during games should the psychological state of certain Wildcat players deteriorate.

When they played in November, UConn won by 17. Kemba Walker has gotten to the point where he is now college basketball's version of Derek Rose--he makes phenomenal athletes look like they're being controlled by someone's little brother in a video game (see Brandon Jennings below . . ). Verdict: UConn 70-65.

NCAA Sweet 16 Day 1 Reactions

Jimmer Fredette could be a phenomenal scorer in the NBA. Unfortunately, even LeBron doesn't get to shoot the ball 31 times a game. In the meantime, Jimmer will have to find a way to get open and make around half of the 2 or 3 shots he get in the last two minutes of the 1st quarter and in garbage time if he doesn't want to hear the Adam Morrison comparisons.

There's also the other side of the basketball court. Imagine Jimmer trying to guard Kyrie Irving. That's right, lay-up line.



Kemba Walker's step-away to open up his jump shot is Baryshnikovian. Poems should be written about it. 15 year olds with the Justin Bieber haircut should wax eloquently about it to their sweet somethings to get to first base.

DBSF is voting Arizona in as the 8-seed in the Eastern Conference for this year's NBA playoffs.

Jimmer Fredette and Chandler Parsons combined for 6-28 from threes. That should debunk some racial stereotypes about whites that Larry Bird, Steve Kerr, Dan Majerle, Jeff Hornacek, and Tim Legler spent decades chucking to establish.



Arizona's Derrick Williams is LeBron minus the passing, ball handling, and baseline to baseline speed. Worst case scenario, an NBA team drafts a Wilson Chandler/ Channing Frye type--a little more assurance than the Kwame Browns, Patrick O'Bryants, and Hasheem Thabeets could guarantee.

Butler forward Matt Howard's elbow brace looks more Randy "Macho Man" Savage than Allen Iverson.

The volume in the arena for the second half of the Butler-Wisconsin game was somewhere between arboretum and late morning in an American Airlines Admirals Club Lounge.

Tom Chambers Archive

Extra-wide Rat-tail = (1/2) x Shorts' Length




The pre-Blake. To give you some perspective, that's a 6'10" PF getting his knee in Mark Jackson's face (who, grant it, is only 6'1").




"GTF" Gym, tan, free throws



No need to show assists; only passed the ball four time that game (two of which were to a referee after a TV timeout).




Travel. But, looking dang good traveling.




I will dunk from the elbow, no running start, every time.




Three too many for an all-star game. Just saying.

NCAA Tourney Day 1 Reactions

Penn State-Temple presented perhaps the most stark contrast between the first 39:30, which were very intra-division AFC North in November boring, and the last 30 seconds, which was Cal-Stanford '82 exciting.

BYU without Brandon Davies is Wofford.

After Kentucky forward Josh Harrellson blocked a Princeton player's shot, DBSF believes he saw the Princeton player mouth "It's all good. I'll tell my Dad to sell the manufacturing company your family works for to a Chinese conglomerate tonight. I hope the Missouri Walmart is hiring." On second thought, the Princeton player probably didn't start with "It's all good".



If you thought Charles Barkely put in minimal preparation for NBA on TNT he puts in even less for the NCAA on TNT. Don't kid yourself, these are the first NCAA games Barkley's watched since his Auburn days.

Kansas State is playing in middle school gym uniforms.

That has to be one of the worst return on investments all time. John Calipari spent all that money on that Kentucky team only to beat an Ivy League co-champion in the last 4 seconds. Also, DBSF was worried that his cheering for Princeton made him racist. But, then he remembered that he's been cheering against all Utah-based colleges since Keith Van Horn.



As of the end of day one, DBSF correctly called both the Richmond and Morehead St. upsets. But, he also called UNC-ASheville, UC Santa Barbara, Northern Colorado . . . it was his upset bracket, all lower seeds moved on until Boston University played Hampton in both of their first NCAA Championship appearances and the teams tied in the first ever octuple overtime. Division 1 college basketball was then placed on a three-year moratorium. (The bracket didn't ask about the moratorium; DBSF wrote it in under CBS and Ford F-150 advertisements.)

30 for 30, Jalen Rose on Duke

In last night's 30 for 30 on Michigan's Fab 5, Jalen Rose--admittedly, one of DBSF's preferred NBA analysts--claimed that he hated Duke--nothing wrong with that (DBSF has petitioned the US Government for years to qualify them as whatever is the category lower than "state-sponsored terrorists")--and, that Duke recruited "Uncle Tom's".

He went on to clarify that Duke only recruited black athletes from more socioeconomically established families. This, Rose suggests, explains why inner-city kids, like himself in the late 1980's, got overlooked by Duke. (Rose ignored that--as has been pointed out many times today--Duke did recruit his teammate Chris Webber, who supposedly ranked Duke as his second option to Michigan.)

But, Rose misses that Duke, like a few other prestigious athletic programs (e.g., Stanford), recruit from a socioeconomically fortunate pool of players across racial lines. It's not just that black players at Duke typically come from more well-to-do families; all of their players tend to. Does Rose really think Coach K would recruit a Jason Williams?

Perhaps what's more concerning is that Rose's comment about black Duke players implicitly equates socioeconomic success with Uncle Tomism/ "black" deference to "white" norms. If Rose believes this to be true then what should people infer about him as an African American who has made tens of millions of dollars, and who works as a lead analyst for one of the world's largest media conglomerates (i.e. Disney/ ABC/ ESPN)? If Rose intended for what the statement implicitly suggests then obviously it is without merit.

Rose probably only made the statement for entertainment value without considering the logical (and, more importantly social) implications. Of course, none of this should take away from Rose's most important argument--that Duke, like Big East football and diarrhea on a plane, sucks.

On the Art of Long Snapping, but not Long Catching

This video chronicles DBSF's favorite long snapper, James Connolly's, efforts to throw a football between his legs at Jamie Moyer-fastball speed to an individual who has no intention of catching the ball. The video starts off like Star Wars, if George Lucas edited it on Windows Movie Maker and if George Lucas was a college football long snapper.

But, first, it must be acknowledged--the gentleman in the blue who was assigned catcher of the long snaps . . . he was aware that he was tasked with this responsibility, correct? Okay then let's act like a professional and catch one or two. It's not a surprise. This isn't American Gladiators where like balls are coming from some strange hole in the ground, or like there's the real threat of Gemini, Zap, and Nitro colliding with him upon reception.

If you don't have 11 minutes in your work day to watch long snap repetitions at the school with the Humanitarian bowl inspired track--which if you're reading DBSF means you definitely do have time--then fast forward to 4:45 where it gets all auteur with the wide shot. Kind of David Lynch. Kind of Napoleon Dynamite. Also, there might be a thunderstorm at 6:50. Then again it could be a gust of wind or poor audio quality. DBSF pretends thunderstorm.

Later on (7:05ish) you see that the long snap catcher in blue actually experiences the ignominy of getting benched when it comes to handling field goal snaps as the stop watcher assumes responsibility. This executive decision is commensurate in disgrace to when NBA teams used to sub Adam Morrison in and out on the same free throw sequence so he would enter the game after the first attempt but return to the bench after the second.

Minutes 9:00 to 9:30 zoom in and out on the long snapper's hands. This portion is either too artistic for DBSF to appreciate, like Jean-Luc Godard, or some reverse-Rex Ryan hand fetish that DBSF prefers not to appreciate.

Closing thoughts: Vertigo can't be good to have if you're a long snapper; Wes Unseld was 6'7" 245 lbs, Connolly is 6'6" 280 lbs, too late for a career change? Only two things that could have made it better--tracking the entire video to Dubstep, and calisthenics. It should have started and ended with Connolly doing 5 or 6 jumping jacks and and a toe touch or two.

Heat Checked?

After losing 4 straight (to playoff teams), the NBA's Heat are all 'woe is Miami'. Literally. According to head coach Erik Spoelstra, (unidentified) players were crying in the locker room after their loss to the Bulls. But, basketball fans--and the Heat, apparently--forget that the team is 43-20 and 1.5 games behind 2nd place in the East. All is not lost.

At the same time, this recent relapse isn't some mid-season Laker's skid where Kobe goes 60% in a couple games to nurse injuries, and the rest of the boys go out DiCaprio/ Jeter-level partying each night until 2 hours before tip off. As such, there are two issues with the Heat that perturb DBSF and need to be addressed.

First, have you ever watched a Heat game on TV? There are three things about Heat fans that irk DBSF. First, all the hype of having the new Big 3/ Big 2 + Chris Bosh and going from mediocre to arguably a top 5 team in the NBA seems to have had no effect on attendance. DBSF has watched too many games where not only are the upper levels empty but the lower level seats look like its a Raptors-Pacers mid-April NBDL tryout, or the Verizon Center hosting the first round of the A-10 tournament.

Not to mention, how many Lakers and Magic jerseys for a Bulls at Heat game is too many? Of course, DBSF should only expect so much from fans that boo a contending team when it gives up an 8-0 run to the NBA's best San Antonio Spurs. As much as people want to hate on LeBron and the Big 3-hype machine, do DBSF a favor--watch a Heat game and direct your hate at the appropriate party, Miami's "fans". (Seriously, watch it. Heat fans make all those Amazon Kindle-reading San Francisco Giant fans look like they're Steeler fans hosting the AFC championship at Heinz Field.)

Second, in the press conference, after the close loss to the Magic in which LeBron missed some important--and questionable--late shots, DWade commented that a lot of the guys on the team hadn't yet played at an elite level (i.e., the NBA finals) and that those players needed to adapt if they wished to win close games. Interestingly, DWade said this while sitting next to LeBron (no championships for those keeping score), who's most recent late game heroics were more MacGruber than MacGyver. DBSF's reaction? DWade is implying--and rightly so--that until LeBron delivers a championship to Miami this is DWade's team, and he should be taking the last shot.

Also, a video--that if real--suggests white people just went +10 on the racial score card. This is like Eminem-level encroachment. This kid almost makes up for when white people went through that rap-rock phase.

BYU: #1 in NCAA's Men's Basketball Calvinism Poll

I categorize all three of you as quote poor decision makers end quote. You just go to the tattoo parlor throw a dart at the wall, and go "Give me that one", don't you?



After it was announced yesterday that BYU had suspended Brandon Davies, its second best player, for the rest of the season for hooking up with his GF, DBSF got to thinking about college programs that grant their player's slightly more discretion in the life decision process. It probably comes as a shock that some college basketball players and coaches (i.e., Bruce Pearl) have committed more egregious errors than Davies, yet they received weaker penalties.

For example, Baylor guard LaceDarius Dunn was suspended 3 games this season for allegedly breaking his girlfriend's jaw. University of Connecticut suspended players indefinitely for stealing laptops.

Mississippi State suspended Reynardo Sydeny 1 game for getting in a fist fight with his own teammate between games in a tournament, and the NCAA suspended UConn head coach Jim Calhoun 3 games next season for "for failing to create an atmosphere of compliance within his program" (in other words he cheated, and for a long time).

Bear in mind that these infractions don't include the perennial violator, John Calipari, who demands payment for his athletes and believes that the ability to spell represents too burdensome a qualification for higher education. In other words, Kentucky (Calipari): BYU :: JR Rider : AC Green.