Friday, May 28, 2010

This Kid Seems Bossy



This video's taken the Internet by squall. Huff-puff, let the baby smoke, don't let him smoke. According to the parents, the young gent doesn't respond well to an absence of cigarettes. There are tantrums and head-bangings. Free will says let the baby smoke.

But, this debate isn't what interests DBSF. Rather, its the child's look, and more specifically his demeanor. He puffs the cigarette and gazes nonchalantly like he's been doing this for fifty years. DBSF isn't sure if he can talk (even if he can DBSF has an insufficient comprehension of most Indonesian dialects), but this kid seems really bossy.

He kind of reminds DBSF of an Indonesian Soprano. Like if he told DBSF to go fetch somebody, or pick-up a package, DBSF would definitely do it. DBSF wouldn't want to get yelled at by the angry, smoking baby even if it was in Indonesian.

Friday Morning Round-Down

Raiders Want Their $ Back
The AP is reporting that the Oakland Raiders have filed a grievance to gain $10 million from former first overall pick JeMarcus Russell. Apparently the organization wasn't pleased with the 7 wins he accrued over three season as the team's starting QB.

When DBSF heard this he thought, 'good luck'. Unless the Raiders are willing to mop-up and rebottle Petron spilled from Russell's cup at Oakland area night clubs, and piece together, repackage, and sell leftovers from his Caesar's Palace room service orders, it's probably best that the Raiders cut a few zeros from the grievance.

Argentina's Futbol World Cup Doctor Okays Sex
Dr. Donato Vallani, Argentina's World Cup doctor, announced that "the players can have sex with their wives and girlfriends during the World Cup. Players are not Martians. But it should not be at 2 a.m. with champagne and Havana cigars."

Good call, doc. Because with out your blessing world-class futbol players were going to not have sex with some of the likely tens of thousands of fans who travelled to South Africa with the sole intention of watching futbol and then having sex with the players.

What's up with Michael Jordan's Mustache?



DBSF—like most American males born in the 1970s and 1980s—views Michael Jordan as the closest thing to a living deity (Jordan’s like JFK for Irish Catholics born in the 1940s and 1950s.)

For DBSF there are two Michael Jordan. The first Jordan runs from his birth to crossing-over Byron Russell in game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals (Think Space Jams, Michael Jordan’s playground, Spike Lee, and Craig Ehlo). The second Jordan starts with him playing for the Wizards and includes other regrettable decisions, like drafting Kwame Brown and Adam Morrison, and buying the Charlotte Bobcats.

This most recent Hanes ad falls under ‘second Jordan’. Why does Michael Jordan have a Hitler-mustache? Surely he doesn't really think that the little man-rock bassist puff of hair beneath his lip neutralizes it or something?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A Novel Approach to Solving the BP Oil "Issue"

Apparently last week's underwater robots failed to stop the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. This week scientists have proposed filling it with mud and cement. At 5,000 feet deep both options seem expensive and time-consuming.

DBSF, the consummate problem solver (think Nancy Drew meets Daryl Hall from the Hall & Oates 'Private Eyes' video), has a two-pronged solution that accomadates both financial and temporal constraints.

First--public relations. Calling it a "disaster" gives the wrong message. Heck, "spill" conjures memories of the Exon Valdez. Language--titles, in particular--are critical. DBSF recommends BP call it the "Gulf of Mexico Underwater Oil Fountain".

Fountains are way more positive. When people think of fountains, they probably picture some Viennese garden in April, or some central area in a shopping mall where one can toss pennies while looking at Pontiac's newest hybrid SUV, and sip the remnants of a pink lemonade from Sbarro's. In addition, the idea of an underwater fountain is novel and intriguing.

This intrigue leads to point two. Turn lemons into lemonade, and go tourism with this. After some time presumably all of the Gulf of Mexico will be thick and dark. The US and Mexico could market it as the world's only black, large body of water.

Anyone can flick sliced limes through Corona bottles in the Carribean, but only the most prestigious vacationers can float in the tar of the Gulf of Mexico (note: the new tourism industry should probably do some research on health benefits associated with floating in oil. If they can't find any, say it's an exfolliant. White people love anything that is an exfolliant or high in Omega three fatty acids).

As for the fishing and shrimping industries that will be decimated by this approach (note: in the official memo replace "decimated" with "given new opportunities to propser") DBSF recommends that they be offered first dibs at contracts for eco-oil tourism tours (white people also love eco-tourism).

Lee DeWyze’s Wins American Idol Despite Chin-stache


Although he has two Clay Aiken CDs, a Ruben Studdard Single, and half a Taylor Swift album, DBSF has never seen an episode of American Idol (so this is a qualified critique).

Last night apparently someone named Lee DeWyze won American Idol. This news registers for DBSF somewhere between a Des Moines traffic report, and a high school student’s thoughts on the BP oil spill in the Gulf.

What caught DBSF’s attention though was DeWyze’s choice for facial hair. DeWyze has a patch of hair beneath his chin. Considering they have make-up and production-type people who monitor contestants for stylistic faux-pas it appears that the facial hair was done on purpose.

DeWyze looks like he belongs at a Green Turtle, or a dirt bike racing event not winning some hip, young singing game show. Apparently, DeWyze’s win is just one more piece of evidence that there is life between America’s coastal cities.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Difficult Apology, Even for a Philadelphian

The AP reported today that the Philadelphia man who was arrested earlier this year for purposely throwing up on another fan and his daughter has pled guilty in exchange for the prosecution to drop more serious charges (http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-vomitingfanarrested).

Apparently, the man pulled the trigger in retaliation for the dad and his daughter requesting that the trigger-puller and his buddy stop heckling them. Thank you, Philadelphia.

Drunkenness happens but, DBSF was curious how one apologizes for such an action. It’s likely that the judge or some parental figure made the young man apologize at or around court. There’s always the “sorry I was too drunk”, and even the “had too much to drink, sorry I puked on your shoes”. But, having to incorporate, “sorry I self-induced the vomiting” adds a dimension that probably leads one to some deep introspection.

Eddy Curry: The Warren Buffet of the NBA

By now, most people have read about New York Knick’s Center Eddy Curry’s financial woes. To recap, apparently despite an eight-figure salary he still cannot meet all of his financial obligations.

Not being able to manage with ten-million plus dollars a year is almost as criminal as making ten million dollars a year to score a total of 31 points over the last two seasons. Curry’s magnificent futility as a basketball player makes Adam Morrison look like Kevin Durant.

But, the purpose of this post is not to lambast Curry’s non-playing. Rather, it’s to highlight two of the line items of Curry’s debt. First, he owes $350,000 to Juwan Howard—the same Juwan Howard who rivals Shawn Kemp for all-time NBA fecundity.

What could one really owe Juwan Howard $350K for? Odds are that Howard probably took advantage of the no-longer-young youngster in betting on something, like a game of HORSE. Curry likely assumed that his two-year hiatus from basketball served some strategic playing value, like when a star veteran gets a couple games off to rest his body. Unfortunately for Curry it just made him fatter and worse at basketball, and $350K poorer.

Second, Curry is underwater on a $500K-plus loan with an 85% interest rate. 85%? Are you serious? One would have to literally go out of his way to find an interest rate that high. Curry could have walked into a mall—any mall in America—signed up for 50 credit cards, and received no more than a 40% interest rate. He probably would have even walked away with a Visa tee shirt.

85% interest rates just don’t exist in America. Usually you only hear about them in some World Bank microfinancing program for subsistence farmers in Bangladesh, where the farmers get like $100 and have 15 years to pay it back. Perhaps Eddy Curry’s greatest achievement then is finding America’s most usurious loan. Congratulations Ed, you lose. Again.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Dear Rashard Lewis, You’re 6’10”.

The Magic have lost the series. Sure their going to play one, maybe two more games but in reality the Celtics have it Mariano Rivera in the ninth with a three-run lead secure.

Although forward Rashard Lewis isn’t sole responsible for the Magic’s problems (and although he certainly can’t be responsible for Kevin McHale working for the Celtics while also working as GM of the Timberwolves and giving Kevin Garnett to Boston for a pack of cigarettes and some slightly used Hanes wear), Lewis has been masterful in his inefficacy.

In four games, Lewis has taken 34 shots and made 10. Sure everyone has an off-series, but what concerns DBSF is Lewis’s shot selection. Of those 34 he took 16 threes (and has made 3). He’s also only made it to the free throw line 6 times. Six times! In four games, he is averaging less than two free throw attempts per game.

JJ Redick, who averages a little over half of the playing time of Lewis, has 15 free throw attempts in the series . . . and, is a guard and five inches shorter than Lewis. The Conference Finals expose one thing for sure—who in the NBA is a man. Who is willing to go down and bruise and muscle around and battle?

Rashard Lewis thinks he’s Terry Porter and can just sit outside and be a sharp shooter. Well, guess what Rashard? You’re 6 feet 10 inches. Introduce yourself to the paint. DBSF knows it’s weird, it’s a different color than much of the rest of the basketball court, and a lot of guys crowd around it. But, unless you’re playing one-on-one with Mehmet Okur you’re not helping anybody by chucking threes and running wind sprints between the top of the keys.

Mike Brown was coaching the Cavaliers?

Yesterday the Cleveland Cavaliers announced that they had fired their head coach, Mike Brown. This came as a bit of a surprise to DBSF because he didn’t know that the Cavaliers had a formal head coach.

Rather, DBSF believed that a cadre of assistant coaches would swarm LeBron during timeouts and stoppages in play, and toe the organization line with various acts of soothing sycophancy for their non-committal star. Occasionally, one of the assistant coaches would scribble something on a game board. Most fans thought it was a play, but in reality it turned out to be some positive affirmation praising King James for his powder clap, or incessant nail biting.

Contrary to DBSF’s understanding, Brown was in fact the coach of the Cavaliers over the past 5 season. It turns out that he was the bald guy in the suit who would clap and low-five players as they came off the court, and who would tell Zydrunas Illgauskus to move to the end of the bench—past the water boys—because he was “smelling too Ukranian.”

Monday, May 24, 2010

Rumorsburg: Dirk to the Wizards

Early rumors suggest that the Washington Wizards are going to sign nine-time all-star Dirk Nowitzki. If that happens then there will be pressure on the Wizards to resign Josh Howard to shore up the 3.

Although the Wizards have been burned recently by giving contracts to quasi-stars after serious knee injuries (three years into his big deal Gilbert Arenas has still not justified a $1.1 million contract, let alone his $110 million contract) but, Howard plays good defense, and led a D-league quality team to a 3-0 record before he went down with his season-ending torn ACL.

Assuming the Wizards draft Wall with their first pick that means their starting five would be Wall, Arenas, Howard, Nowitzki, and Blatche. Coming off the bench they'd have McGee and Thorton for size, and Miller, Foye and Livingston backing-up the three through one. Basically, most of last season's starting five becomes an impressive second team.

Considering the Celtics are only getting older and the uncertainty in Atlanta and Cleveland, this acquisition could easily make the Wizards a contender in the East. If they sign Nowitzki and resign Howard, and everyone stays healthy DBSF has them as a two or three seed in the East next year. Of course, this would also mean that the Wizards are rebuilding with veterans (besides Wall), which--in the case of Arenas, Butler, and Jamison--has proved unsuccessful in the past.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Jordan v. LeBron . . . Put to Rest


Weekly DBSF is pulled into the LeBron-Jordan debate. Who's better? If it weren't for people born after 1990, this argument wouldn't exist. DBSF is a straight Bron Bron lover but consider the facts.

MVPs: LeBron-2; Jordan -6 (PS Jordan also has 6--yes 6--Finals' MVPs)
NBA All-Defensive First Team: LeBron-2; Jordan-9
NBA All-First Team: LeBron-4; Jordan-10
Two Best Statistical Seasons (Pnts/Boards/Assists/Steals/Blocks): LeBron (07/08) 30.0/ 7.9/ 7.2/ 1.8/ 1.1 and (08/09) 28.4/ 7.6/ 7.2/ 1.7/ 1.2; Jordan (86-87) 37.1/ 5.2/ 4.6/ 2.9/ 1.5 and (87-88) 35.0/ 5.5/ 5.9/ 3.2/ 1.6.

Of course, LeBron has probably ten more good years in him to accrue more distinctions and stats, but keep in mind that the above disregards Jordan's more mundane achievements, like 6 NBA championships, 2 Gold Medals, and his college player of the year award in 1984.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Sad Day for the University of Miami

The Buffalo News announced today that former University of Miami and current Washington Redskin wide receiver, Santana Moss, received human growth hormones (a banned performance-enhancing supplement) from a Toronto physician, whom is facing federal charges.

Assuming the report is true, DBSF recognizes that the University of Miami and the Skins would certainly be disappointed in Moss's actions, however even the casual sports' fan acknowledges the professional athlete's desire to get the slightest edge. We all become so disillusioned by winning that we almost encourage athletes to cheat by taking illegal performance-enhancing substances, which can also prove pernicious to their physical and psychological health.

But, for DBSF the disappointment in these events rests not with Moss as much as it does with the University of Miami (aka "The U"). You see Santana attended The U for four years. (Keep this fact in mind.) He wasn't some one-and-done John Calipari phenom, who took four physical education courses and massage therapy one semester and then dropped out the second the season was over. To play four seasons means that--excluding summer classes--Moss attended at a minimum 7 semesters at The U.

When asked by a reported for his take on the accusation that he received these illegal hormones Moss so eloquently stated as only he could, "I'll talk about football. I don't know about nothing else. I ain't got nothing to do with nothing that ain't about me."

Okay, DBSF understands that language is tied to culture. Where you live, or perhaps your socioeconomic status influences your word choice and sentence structure. Moss very well have come from dire circumstances. But, remember--he attended at a minimum 7 semesters of college and was successful enough in those classes to the point that they let him stay in school and never suspended him from the team for poor grades. Therefore, he must have at a minimum a basic understanding of the language.

Not only is his comment gibberish, but it includes so many double negatives that he actually says the opposite of what he means to say. To debase English so skillfully its almost as if Moss had to have a James Joyceian mastery of English to be able turn it so upside down and inside out.

In the end, if found guilty Moss will likely just serve a four game suspension which means that Donovan McNabb doesn't have a 5'10" wide receiver who only runs fly's for a quarter of the regular season. Considering Moss collects all of his stats in 2 or 3 big games each season, the Skins might not miss him at all.

But, the real concern in this story is the University of Miami and their "education" curriculum. DBSF is unaware of the standards by which Universities receive their accreditation, but such language from a four year student merits The U to be relegated to "The High School of Miami" (aka "The HSM" which, of course doesn't flow off the tongue nearly as nicely as does The U.)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Problem with NBA Players' Best Friends

Early Wednesday morning Wilson Chandler, a forward for the New York Knicks, was pulled over for driving without his lights on. When the police approached his auto they noticed the smell of marijuana, which led them to search the car and find marijuana. DBSF knows what you're thinking--yet another NBA player arrested for smoking weed in a Bentley.

But, here's the thing. Chandler explains that it wasn't his weed, but it was his best friend's who happened to be in the car with him. Ironically, this sequence of events emerges in approximately 99.99% of NBA players who get arrested for marijuana possession. It goes as follows--the NBA player gets pulled over, the car gets searched, pot is discovered, and it turns out that the player's best friend is the sole possessor of all of the weed.

DBSF has decided that NBA players literally have the worst luck of any cohort of people in the world when it comes to picking best friends, whom while you drive them around get you pulled over, and arrested for marijuana possession. It's like to make up for NBA players' spectacular physical dimensions, and amazing athletic ability, they're relegated to having best friends, whom carry weed and get everyone in the car arrested while the NBA player innocently chauffeurs his comrade around.

Perhaps its something in the genomes, or has to do with being really tall. But, DBSF can't help but be sympathetic with these innocent, talented young men and their inescapable, inherent ability to attract such nefarious companions.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Wall Era

With the Wizards receiving the #1 pick in this year's draft and with Michael Jordan safely in Charlotte (so as not to "wow" us again with one of his brilliant Kwame Brown/ Adam Morrison caliber picks) the Washington Wizards appear in perfect place to select Kentuky guard John Wall. Although DBSF views him as a Derek Rose-type (spectacular athlete, JV jump shot), he is undeniably an improvement on Shaun Livingston.

DBSF believes only two questions remain for the Wizards. Should they consider Ohio State's Evan Turner with the top pick (or Favors, Monroe, Cousins, etc.)? And, does Ted Leonsis have access to a time machine so they can go back two years and accept that sign and trade with the Clippers for Arenas?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Top 4 Least Loved Sports Figures by DC Sports' Fans in the Last 20 Years

Perpetually a universalist, DBSF acknowledges his PG roots and, thus, at times feels the need to editorialize on the state of DC sports. In a city where one-quarter of football fans root for the home team's arch rival, and where you're as likely to encounter as many grads from California state schools as from the Terps, GTown, and UVA, picking a least loved list is a challenge because of the lack of homogeneity in teams that DC sports' fans cheer for. Regardless, DBSF will give it a go:

1. Sydney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins)--The one thing Washington sports' fans can agree on is that as long as the Capitals win the President's Trophy then they are all Caps fans. There is no more a despised player by Cap's fans (and non-Western Pennsylvanian US hockey fans for that matter) than Syd the Kid.

2. JJ Redick (Duke Blue Devils)--Technically Redick plays for the Orlando Magic but if you don't watch the NBA regularly, you wouldn't know that. Redick would surpass Crosby many times over if more DC sports fans cheered for the Terps.

3. ARod (NY Yankees)--Prior to 5 years ago most DC sports' fan that cheered for baseball--and who weren't in the city to get a law degree--rooted for the Orioles. While the Yanks claim the BoSox as their arch rival, O's fans (as exhibited by the high presence of "Yankees Suck" tee shirts) hold a quasi 1980's Bulls-Pistons hatred for the Bronx Bombers. Although Jeter might be the face of the Yankees, he's too likable. However, no player embodies the haughty extravagance of the New York Yankees than Alex "Lehman Brothers" Rodriguez.

4. Troy Aikman (Dallas Cowboys)--While DBSF takes offense to Aikman for his on-air blabbering with Joe Buck, most DC sports' fans likely associate Aikman with the Cowboy reign of dominance in the 1990's. Aikman didn't do anything in particular that was so abhorrent, but DBSF believes it was much easier to hate him than Emmitt "Touch of Grey" Smith, or Michael Irving (who needs no slight).

Friday, May 14, 2010

Someone Please Call the Department of Homeland Security on David Beckham


Disclaimer: DBSF has an irrational aversion to elite professional athletes that look like they should be in a Davidoff advertisement (i.e., David Beckham, Tom Brady). DBSF believes that an individual should have to choose between the two. Either be an awesome athlete and look like Chris Cooley, or look like David Chokachi and have no discernible talent whatsoever.

Because of his Achilles injury--and, not apparently because he's old and sucks at soccer--David Beckham has offered to help the English soccer team in this year's World Cup by providing insight on the American players he competed against in the MLS.

Judas F'ing Iscariot. Do you seriously mean to tell DBSF that after flying over the pond and taking $125 million from the LA Galaxy during one of the greatest economic recessions in US history while adding no real value to the Galaxy that Benedict Arnold is going to trade US soccer secrets with the Brits? In his three years in the US, Beckham has given us a line of perfumes that make Britney Spears' line look like Chanel No. 5, taken his shirt off after each game (which, grant it, provides value to women MLS fans . . . all four of them), and brought his attractive yet David Chokachi-caliber talent wife to revitalize the economy one shopping trip to Rodeo Drive at a time.

But, what is there to do? DBSF will tell you. Beckham is a threat to the state. Presumably the Department of Homeland Security, or the State Department has an organization that deals with people so deleterious to America's well-being. If we can find a way to craft policy that deports individuals for looking Latino, DBSF is confident we can conjure up something for has-been traitors.

Let the LeBron Courtship Begin

As much as DBSF would love to see LeBron in that ugly blue and gold Wizards' uniform next season, he recognizes that King James might look to other more high profile cities and organizations. Eventhough Cartier Martin exhibited his basketball aptitude in beating DBSF 11-6 in a one-on-one game at Turkey Thicket Community Center last month, DBSF accepts LeBron would like more polished (note: "polished" here is a euphemism for more skilled, athletic, and all around better at basketball) teammates.

There are four teams rumored to lead the LeBron sweepstakes. Always one to fan a rumor wildfire, DBSF will add his lit cigarette and kerosene to the flame.

1. Cleveland Cavaliers--DBSF believes this is the best fit for LeBron. Although Cleveland is a marginal city, when compared to metropolitan behemoths, like New York, Chicago, and LA**, it has great history and not only would James staying in Cleveland establish him as eponymous with Cleveland but, also, with Ohio. He's from there, and he's always played basketball there so it's almost natural. Not to mention, if he wins a championship in Cleveland (which DBSF predicts he will win multiple of) it will be HIS championship, not LeBron and Bosh's, or LeBron and Dwade's.

2. Miami Heat--Should LeBron go to the Heat with DWade and try to tag team the NBA? Assuming Beasley continues to develop this could look promising. But, DBSF believes the rest of the Heat's roster is pretty weak. And, considering Wade's injury record LeBron could easily find himself in a worse scenario than had he stayed in Cleveland.

3. New York Knicks--If Nike, David Stern, and Capitalism in general had a vote this is where LeBron would go. Big market plus big star equals success, right? Uhhhh . . . DBSF has four words for you--Chris Duhon, Dino Gallinari. If you know who they are its either because you went to Duke or you lived in Italy in the last 5 years and followed Italian basketball closely. With the exception of David Lee, the Knicks roster reeks of D-Leaguedom.

The Knicks could bring in Chris Bosh for LeBron and they'll still be a ways away from competing. Unless LeBron thinks that he can do it all by himself, DBSF believes this is a risky move. And, as the series to the Celtics showed, teams with great helpside defense neutralize LeBron's greatest weapon--his drive and athleticism--which leaves him to pulling up for long jumpers. Guess who else likes to settle for long jumpers on the Knicks? The entire roster.

4.Los Angeles Clippers--Are you joking DBSF? Their one selling point is that they have cap room. If LeBron goes to the Clippers he'll pitching adds for Starbury shoes in three years. If DBSF was one of LeBron's inner-ear whisperers, whom profit from his talent with no discernable form of reciprocation, DBSF would suggest LeBron try to play tight end in the NFL before he goes to the Clippers.

So, you have it. Cleveland or bust. (That being said DBSF has already pre-ordered the LeBron Knick's jersey in Men's small.)

** LA is not actually a city (it has relatively low density of population, no public transportation, etc) but the worst case of suburban sprawl with major sports teams. For Washingtonians unfamiliar with Los Angeles, it would be like giving the Dulles Corridor a minor league team. Take away the Sun, and Spencer Pratt that "city" is no different than Ellicot City with hills.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

NBA Conference Semifinals: Who had the Best Sweep?

The Lakers, Suns, and Magic all swept their opponents in four games during the conference semifinals. A four game sweep of any playoff team is always impressive and is all the more challenging in the later rounds. But, which sweep was most impressive?

The Lakers beat the Jazz, who had just knocked off the second-seeded Mavericks in the first round. While this sweep was impressive two factors must be considered. First, one must acknowledge the Mavericks aversion to playoff success. If the Mavericks won 70 games in the regular season and DBSF were league commissioner, he still wouldn't let them get a seed higher than a four. Second, the Lakers were a tough match-up for the Jazz because of their size (this was exacerbated with Mehmet Okur being lost for the season with his Achilles injury). Thus, DBSF registers this as the least impressive sweep.

The Suns sweeping the Spurs certainly deserves consideration, especially considering the challenges the Suns have had with the Spurs in prior playoff series. Not only are the Spurs winners of multiple recent championships, but they're led by an all-time great center, Tim Duncan, the most underrated guard-forward in the NBA, Manu Ginobili, and one phenomenal (and one soon to be phenomenal) guards in Tony Parker and George Hill. However, the Suns shot the ball exceptionally well (which they will need to in order to beat the Lakers), and the Spurs began to really show their age (such as, when Tim Duncan couldn't keep up with Ama're Stoudemire outside the paint).

DBSF believes the most impressive sweep was the Magic over the Hawks. Not only because the Magic beat the Hawks by over 25 points per game, but because the Hawks had such phenomenal young talent on both sides of the court (which was brought on by decades of top 5 draft picks from the Hawks being perennial cellar-dwellers in the NBA.) If the Magic can continue to shoot the 3 and move the ball like they did against the Hawks and keep Dwight Howard out of foul trouble, DBSF likes them losing to the Lakers in six.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

WTF, Hockey?

As if hockey weren't foreign enough--and DBSF means that both figuratively (restructuring the seeds after each playoff round) and literally (Hal . . Hala . . .Halaka . . Halaga not gonna work here anymore)--the eighth seeded Montreal Canadians (aka, the "Habs", don't ask) have knocked off the defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins in seven games after beating the offensively superior, one-seeded Washington Capitals in the prior series in seven games as well.

DBSF may never understand the icing rule, or how everyone knows when to be subbed into and out of the game but, what the heck ever happened to having the dominant regular season teams work their way through the playoffs to gradually play other dominant teams? In the first round in the East the sixth, seventh, and eighth seeds all won their series (only the fourth seeded Penguins beat a lower seed). The West was a little more respectable with only the fifth and sixth seeds registering upsets in the first round. But, the question must be asked--WTF, Hockey?

For Jordan, it’s Time not to ‘be like Mike’

DBSF, an adamant opponent to the NBA's minimum age rule, crafted the following essay to coincide with Michael Jordan taking ownership of the Charlotte Bobcats last month. The popular media wisely disregarded the essay. It is being reprinted in response to Kareem Abdul-Jabar's myopic (or, so DBSF believes) statement today that the NBA should increase the minimum age to 21.

For every gravity-defying dunk and, for every Byron Russell-bewildering crossover he executed as a player, “His Airness,” Michael Jordan, exhibited equal skill in avoiding political controversy. Much to the dismay of the socially conscious sport’s fan, Jordan wrapped himself in the cape of political indifference demanded by his Nike,
Gatorade and, Hanes corporate partners. But, this could change now that he is the majority owner of the NBA’s Charlotte Bobcats. As the only black majority owner of an NBA team, he is in a unique position to raise the issue of the NBA’s most inequitable draft policy: the age limit rule.

In 2006, the NBA increased the age at which players could be drafted from 18 to 19. Fans and analysts alike applauded the decision, agreeing that it was better for the game if players had at least one year of college experience or, as in the case of the Milwaukee Bucks’ Brandon Jennings a year of professional European play. The new age limit granted teams greater certainty that their LeBron James wasn’t a Kwame Brown and, saved them a year of salary for undeveloped, inexperienced players, who recorded most of their playing time in practice.

In theory, the age increase resolves a principal-agent problem. Unlike other highly competitive fields, such as medicine and law that rely on standardized test scores and class ranking to determine admittance, there is no equivalent measure of basketball acumen. Thus, the principal (NBA teams) possesses incomplete information about the agent (high school players). Further, the agent might hold interests, like getting drafted regardless of his ability to help a team win, contrary to those of the principal, who seek ultimately to win championships. In an era of a profligate Wall Street and irresponsible lending practices, surely any policy that engenders greater certainty in markets, whether they be financial or athletic, is preferable.

Although there exists no standardized test or class ranking system in basketball, teams can thoroughly vet players through hours of high school and Amateur Athletic Union (AAU) game tapes, weeks of pick-up games with NBA players, individual interviews, team tryouts, and the NBA pre-draft Combine. These tests not only give teams a picture of a player’s athleticism, but also his “coachability”, maturity, leadership skills, and ability to understand NBA offensive and defensive systems.

More importantly, proponents of the age limit refuse to acknowledge that the policy penalizes poorer, younger black men to the benefit of an astronomically wealthier and whiter group of team owners. While black players comprise approximately 75% of the NBA, 19 of the last 20 first round American high school draft picks were black. Considering the average NBA career lasts only five years, these players could be losing a fifth of their career earnings in a high-income, and highly specialized profession.

Finally, it goes without saying that life outside the NBA appears much dimmer. Players can go to college where their play can earn their school millions in exchange for tuition, room and, board. If they need income to support family then they can tryout for one of the seventeen NBA Developmental League teams, which offer salaries between $13,000 and $40,000, but players can be sent to unfamiliar cities, like Erie, PA and Sioux Falls, SD with no guarantee of ever making an NBA roster. Thus, with limited options in the U.S., they play abroad in places, like China and Turkey, where they often experience stress over prolonged separation from family and friends.

Working to reverse the age limit rule presents Michael Jordan with an opportunity to transition from being the greatest player to a great owner, who opposes inherently discriminatory practices. But, should he ignore the politically conscious path of socially and athletically elite athletes, like Muhammad Ali, in the end the legacy of “His Airness” will be a bit drafty.

Will Boston End the Reign of King James in Cleveland?


Presumably, if the Cavaliers don't win a championship, LeBron James will head to a large market city (okay, DBSF will say it, New York) where his stardom (and wealth) will be magnified to the point that NASA astronomers will begin tracking his movements.

Perhaps more shockingly the fourth seeded Boston Celtics have an opportunity to knock out James and the Cavaliers in Game 6 in Boston on Thursday night. After a 32 point drubbing last night, skeptics (aka haters) are calling for the Celtics to take it in six, and some are already haranguing James with the 'Dan Marino-he can't win the big one' attack.

Hold your horses. With the exception of Dwight Howard, and perhaps a half dozen Brazilian soccer players, James is so anatomically superior to the rest of us that the fact that he doesn't shoot lasers from his eyes still comes as a surprise to DBSF. Grant it Bron Bron had a bad game last night (3-14 FGs), but for all the talk he's still averaging 29 pts, 8 boards, and 7 assists in the playoffs. If any other player averaged those numbers in playoff games in just one of those three areas, he'd be called a star.

In game 6, DBSF expects LeBron to assume dominance and lead the Cavs to an 8-10 point victory. But, does that mean the Cavs will win the series? DBSF doesn't believe so, and Game 5 illustrates just why.

As expressed in a prior man-crush post, DBSF believes Rondo is an elite PG in the league. Teams must pay attention to him on defense, and he stifles other guards offense with his quickness and strength. (Do you remember that guy Mo Williams? Yeah neither do the Cavaliers.) The Celtics also have three other decent players named Garnett, Allen, and Pierce. When they're all on they win by 30 (i.e., game 5).

Unfortunately, for Celtics fans the big three (Garnett, Allen, and Pierce) are too old to do that night in night out. However, all the Celtics really need is for one or two of the big three to step up along with one or two role players, like Big Baby "Don't call me Big Baby" Glen Davis or Tony Allen, and have Rondo be Rondo and the Celtics are an elite team.

Perhaps, more troubling to the Cavs is that their role players and quasi-stars have yet to step up. Shaq is an all time great player but age has caught up with him, Antawn Jamison isn't the same player if he can't take 25 shots against the Timberwolves (and have Nick Young as a teammate to make Jameson look that much better), Mo Williams has been getting D'd up so bad he is praying for an injury to his ankle with some sort of positive reading on an MRI so Delente West can go chase Rondo, and the rest of the Cavs lack the offensive power to help James against a quality opponent, like the Celtics.

So, DBSF predicts the Celtics in 7. Later this summer he also projects that most small towns in the US will pass legislation banning the song "New York" by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z after LeBron James's signing with the New York Knicks forces ESPN to put it on literally constant rotation with images of James in the foreground and New York's skyline in the background.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

FIFA World Cup 2010: The Analysis Begins

Unfortunately, the Dem Bammas Straight Fryin Board of Directors are still non-committal about providing the funding, and supplying the special needs (he requested two docile buffalo for security . . . buffalo have trouble living in plus 50 degree temperatures) for DBSF to provide his critical analysis in South Africa at the 2010 World Cup.

Ergo, he will likely have to function like a 1950's Walter Cronkite and report the news from a buffalo-deficient press box. On a good note, funding might come through as the board just used all of it's capital to go long on Greek bonds and BP stock. Fingers crossed.

Regardless of his presence, the World Cup analysis must commence. Today teams announced their thirty man rosters, which means DBSF will list his five favorite Brazilian soccer (pardon, futbol) names (with their pro team . . .because Yahoo! includes that information . . . why not?).

1) Julio Cesar (Inter Milan)
2) Kaka (Real Madrid)
3) Grafite (Wolfsburg)
4) Doni (AS Roma)
5) Juan (AS Roma)

Juan almost didn't make it because of "a lack of creativity". But, there you have it. Expect more expert analysis in the coming months. (In honor of the Brazilian futbol titular-bravado, DBSF will from hence on go by "Dem" on the soccer pitch.)

Washington Redskins 2010-2011 Ultimate Fantasy Running Back Quartet?

With news that Donovan McNabb has persuaded the Skins management to give his old Eagle teammate, Brian Westbrook, a tryout the Skins now potentially have one of the greatest all-time fantasy backfields. If Westbrook signs with the Skins he would join Clinton Portis, Willie Parker, and Larry Johnson.

(DBSF knows what you're thinking, this is like putting Al Harrington, Stephen Davis, and Baron Davis on the same team--mathematically there are not enough shots [or, touches in the case of the Skins] in a game to keep everyone happy.)

The Skins have circumvented this problem by building an all-time fantasy backfield from 5 years ago. Sure, if Shanahan were able to get access to a Delorean these guys would all put up Gale Sayers numbers, but until Snyder comes up with the dough for a flux capacitor each fantasy-has-been will likely produce more Eric Rhett-esque numbers.

Considering Snyder was willing to shell out nine figures for someone who finds it categorically wrong to have to play in a new defensive scheme, DBSF wouldn't put acquiring the flux capacitor past the Skins owner. Anyway, nothing draws fans from Howard County and its surrounding areas, like irrational hype.

So, should the Redskins acquire a Delorean, and the necessary technology, energy sources, etc DBSF recommends that they go back to 2005-06 where they can expect Portis to run for 1,500 yards and 11 touchdowns, Parker to use his no longer existing speed to amass 1,200 rushing yards in just over 250 carries, Larry Johnson to spit his way to 1,750 yards and 20 touchdowns, and Westbrook to run and catch for over 1,200 yards. Maybe next they can bring in Derek Anderson to compete with Marc Bulger, and Jake Delhomme for the starting QB spot.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Rajon Rondo--Bamma Straight Friiiiiiieeeed

Eighteen months ago DBSF made a bold statement--Rajon Rondo is a top five NBA point guard. Bammas looked at DBSF like he was Ryan Leaf in a post game interview. Well, DBSF is going to take the madness to the next level. After Rondo's 29-18-13 game last night (which Sportscenter reported has only been achieved in the playoffs by Wilt and Oscar Robertson . . . so, decent company) Rondo is now the second (yes, second) best point guard in the NBA behind Deron Williams.

Dissenters will say DBSF is being impetuous and just reacting to the sensation of a proximate event, like a football fan who believes his or her team is going to the Superbowl because they drafted some highly touted rookie QB (note: when it's Tebow there is some supernatural basis to this prognostication).

But, when you consider Rondo's phenomenal defense, ability to Tony Parker-drive on anyone, and his development as a Jason Kidd-caliber rebounding point guard he deserves to be considered among the NBA's elite. And, should Rajon learn to shoot (and make free throws), he very well could move into number one. So, as of this writing the DBSF top 5 NBA PGs are as follows.

1) Deron Williams
2) Rajon Rondo
3) Russell Westbrook
4) Chris Paul
5) Steve Nash

Josh Beckett, You're F'ing Out!



With the Red Sox in fourth place in the AL East cellar** and six and a half games out of first place, Boston fans are starting to play the blame game because one of their major sports teams might not win their respective league championship. Bastan (as the home crowd pronounces it) fans most likely blame the slump on Big Papi's ball-bat avoidance technique, and lackluster pitching.

DBSF believes the later deserves further scrutiny. Examine the two pictures above. What do you notice? Yeah, that's right--over one off-season superstar pitcher Josh Beckett has transformed himself into Kenny "F'ing" Powers. Beckett has one win in seven starts and a 7.46 ERA that would make Danys Baez ashamed. This doesn't necessarily spell the end for Beckett but, DBSF recommends that unlike his doppelganger Kenny Powers, Beckett focus on more than just real sports and try to be the best at exercising.

**(DBSF recognizes that there are 5 teams in the AL East and that the term 'cellar' is typically reserved for the last place team but considering the Baltimore Oriole's perennial inefficacy the cellar in the AL East is fourth place. The Orioles are in a lower circle of hell that is well below the cement floors and sewer pipes of most conventional residential property).

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Myth of Big Men and Free Throws


DBSF was watching a Magic-Hawks game over the weekend. During the game Superhuman Dwight Howard was bricking free throws, and making the entire process look like he was trying to throw a tic-tac into a shot glass 15 feet away. A thought that perplexes all basketball fans came to DBSF--why can't big men shoot free throws?

Big men, like Howard and Shaq, usually shoot below 60% from the free throw line. This is pathetic considering that free throws represent the one shot in basketball that is guaranteed to be unimpeded and--perhaps more importantly--because these guys are professional basketball players. Their job is literally to play basketball, and one has to imagine that making free throws represents one of the easier skills to master.

Many people suggest that big men's large hands make consistently, accurate free throw shooting almost impossible. It's like shooting a tennis ball at a basket, free throw shooting apologists say. Perhaps it was the four Natty Light solo happy hour on his couch, but all this thinking brought DBSF back to when he was 7 years old and he used to hang a Nerf hoop from the back of his bedroom door. A small orange sponge ball was included with the hoop. It was so small that it was possible--even at 7--to touch thumb and middle finger around the ball.

Well, guess what? DBSF had no trouble shooting free throws with that little ball. He could watch his brother beat Altered Beasts on Sega Genesis over the course of two hours and not miss a single shot from the far side of the room, which is where the aforementioned brother relegated DBSF to during periods in which he was allowed to watch someone else play video games (note: DBSF didn't always "make the cut" to be able to watch his brother play video games.) Heck, DBSF could shoot 90% with that little Nerf ball form the bathroom, which was probably 20 feet away and included many coat and chair-type obstructions.

If DBSF can shoot with a small ball, surely some superior physical being, like Dwight Howard, can. When it comes to poor free throw shooting, the myth of having too big hands seems suspect in the face of Nerf-based empirical evidence.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Albert Haynesworth: Still Offended, Still not at Practice

DBSF has had enough of the pundits and bloggers criticizing Redskins' Defensive Tackle Albert Haynesworth for skipping out on the team's first two voluntary mini-camps. Enough. Give the man a break. Let's look at the facts, shall we?

Fact one--practice. We're talking about practice here. We're not talking about games. Mini-camps are practice. We're talking about practice.

Fact two--$32 million. Haynesworth has already received $32 million of the $41 million guaranteed to him in his $100 million contract. That type of money is offensive. It hurts his feelings. Literally. Let the man just stay home, not work out, play Xbox 360, and feed endangered seal meat to his pet Lion with his platinum fishing rod.

Fact three--the 3-4. Haynesworth is being forced to play in the middle on the 3-4. Well, guess what? That sucks. DBSF hates--hates--it when people ask him to play the D-tackle in the 3-4. DBSF recommends that Haynesworth bypass this injustice by faking cramps in his calves and limp off the field every third play. (Then take every fourth series off for exhaustion.)

Give the man a break. What do Skins fans expect? It's not like its a contract year for the man or anything.

That Bamma Straight Fried: Goran Dragic


When DBSF learned that the Phoenix Suns drafted someone named Goran Dragic in 2008, he first wondered why the Suns would draft the bad guy from Superman II (or maybe it was Conan the Barbarian). Well, it turns out that Goran is from Yugoslavia and having an awesome last name, like Dragic, is like standard Yugoslavian protocol.

The interesting thing about Dragic is that he's not your prototypical Eastern European player, whom tend to have a cro-magnon air to them while combining gargantuan height with the celerity of a geriatric. Dragic looks like he was a starting midfielder on Princeton's soccer team, and he plays like he spent the better part of his life going one-on-one with Rajon Rondo.

Well, last night in a decisive game three win over the Spurs (the Suns being up 3-0 on the Spurs in a playoff series is almost an oxymoron in itself) Dragic dropped 26 points on 10-13 shooting (5-5 from 3-point land). What's most impressive is that he did it in just over 17 minutes of playing.

DBSF has two primary measures of scoring efficiency in the NBA. First, a player must score more points than the number of field goals he attempts. Dragic had twice the number of points as field goal attempts (a rare feat DBSF--and Dwayne Wade--can attest to). Second, a player should average about one point for every two minutes they're in the game. Dragic averaged almost 1.5 points for every 1 minute he was in the game. Verdict--That bamma straight FRIED last night.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Gilbert Arenas Released from Halfway House

After a month long sojourn in a Montgomery County halfway house, Gilbert Arenas was released to return home to the pool side fish tanks filled with sharks at his Virginia home. DBSF was curious why if Arenas committed a gun crime in DC did he get to take his sabbatical from not playing defense in Montgomery County? That's like when you crash your 1993 Toyota Corolla, and the repair shop only has a 2009 Land Rover for a loaner car.

More importantly, this month should have been a period of reflection and rehabilitation for Arenas, or so that's the criminal justice pitch. As a Wizards fan, DBSF hopes Arenas gained enlightenment on two areas. First, basketball is played on two sides of a court. There's offense, which DBSF believes Arenas has a sufficient hold on, and there's defense, which at times seems as foreign to Arenas as Oakland Raider wide receivers were to JaMarcus Russell over the past three years.

(You see Gilbert, you have to stand in front of the gentlemen with the ball, and make it as inconvenient as possible for him to put the ball through the hoop. No, no, DBSF recognizes the importance of etiquette and fellowship as well but, it is not in the Wizard's best interest for you to kindly direct--and at times even assist--the opposing player to his basket.)

Second, DBSF hopes Gilbert has increased his social networking skills. In particular, he should want to master meeting new people. Since he was last heaving up shots in a Wizards' uniform, two gentlemen left for Dallas, and another for Cleveland. He was close with all three. In their place are some good role players from Prince George's Community College's 2005-06 Maryland Junior College 4th place team. Perhaps Gilbert can request an extension on his stay in Montgomery County.

A Tribute to Awesomeness


Admittedly, DBSF pays inadequate attention to periphery sports. Sports categorize as "periphery" for a multitude of reasons, but the most common indicators are a paucity of participating athletes of color (hockey), or absurd in-game rules (rugby). Periphery sports are different than action sports, which--with the exception of skateboarding--are played pretty much only by white people, and are pretty much exclusive to California (think wind-surfing, free-style rollerblading, wakeboarding, etc.)

So as to appease DBSF loyalists, whom hold tied to the periphery sports world, this mornings post serves as a tribute to an all-time periphery sport athlete. Perhaps few Maryland lacrosse players exhibited the dominance of Justin "Mr. Awesome" Smith from 1997 to 2004. At Dematha High School, from 97-00 Smith, a four-year starter on Varsity, earned all-American honors, was three-time WCAC first-team all-conference, and compiled 168 goals and 95 assists. After leading the Stage to the WCAC championships his senior season (in which he was also named the game's MVP) Smith went to UMBC where he amassed 35 points (24 of which were goals) as a freshmen and sophomore. Further, in a 2002 game, against lax powerhouse University of Maryland, Smith scored 4 goals and had one assist.

After two years at UMBC, Smith transferred to the University of Maryland (thus, making him not only Mr. Awesome but, also, Mr. Maryland) where he had 39 goals and 9 assists over two seasons; his junior season included the Terps going to the lacrosse Final Four at Ravens/ PSI Net Stadium. Over his college career, Smith had 16 mulit-goal games, 20 multi-point games, and 5 hat tricks. Although too modest to acknowledge his undeniable role as an all-time Maryland state laxer, DBSF will invoke the words of Smith to reflect on his phenomenal eight year career: "Meh, eh, meh yeah that was pretty awesome."

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Nah, I'm Sayin'** Awards -- MLB Edition




In honor on Seis de Mayo, DBSF is announcing his 2010 MLB "Nah' I'm Sayin'" Awards. The distinction goes to the MLB players most likely to start over three-fourths of their sentences (okay, phrases) with "Nah' I'm sayin'". Candidates are judged solely on their pictures on Yahoo! Sports.

#1: Jonny Gomes (Outfielder for the Cincinnati Reds). Gomes likely transitions from all of his Nah' I'm saying's into an incomprehensible aside on his Monte Carlo that he hooked-up.

#2: Troy Tulowitzki (Short stop for the Colorado Rockies). Tulowitzki looks like he's only half-hearted into the Nah' I'm Sayin mien. The image suggests action sports, and the occasional Fox Motocross tee.

#3: Garrett Jones (Right fielder and 1st baseman for the Pittsburgh Pirates). Garrett likely follows up most of his Nah', I'm sayin's with "but, nah, nah. Nah I'm sayin' though?"


(** "Nah, I'm Sayin'" is an abbreviated form of "Do you know what I'm saying?" The imperative 'Do you' is dropped 'know what' is combined to form "Nah". 'I'm' stays as is and the 'g' in "saying" is dropped to further indicate the utmost preference for grammatical apathy.)

But, you have a Gun: Analysis on the Crises in Greece


The current financial crises in Greece sent the stock market plunging today. Financial analysts and foreign experts are continuing to debate the options to help the country achieve fiscal solvency and some form of stability. Although DBSF has minimal macroeconomic training, evidence from today's newspapers suggests one obvious problem.

Notice the picture above. Is there anything wrong with it? (Besides the rioting.) Yes, that's right. The police officer with the gun is full on sprinting from two bros with sticks. Grant it, taking a stickball stick to the sternum is probably quite painful, but that doesn't hide the fact that A) you're a police officer, and B) you have a gun.

He doesn't even have to fire the gun at the stick-wielding rioters. Simply pointing it at the target, or much less just waiving it in the air gets bammas on the floor. Did this guy sleep through the gun session in rookie training or something? DBSF recognizes that this is only one picture and, thus, it would be imprudent to make generalizations about an entire country. But, if Greece came asking DBSF for however many tens of billions of Euros to bail them out, DBSF would have to pull out some Milton Friedman free-market rhetoric, or claim to have all of his money "tied up in some things".

John Calipari Interested in Bulls Job, but . . .

Rumor has it that Calipari is entertaining the idea of interviewing for the Chicago Bulls head coaching job. While other successful college coaches have struggled in the transition to the NBA, DBSF believes there is one critical factor that will further inhibit Calipari's success--the other teams pay players too.

Having a top five team every year in NCAA isn't that difficult when you recruit and sign four of the top ten prospects each season under the most dubious of circumstances. But, in the NBA there's this thing called the salary cap, which is associated with these other things that players get called salaries. More strikingly, it's acknowledged and accepted (there are even labor union agreements that structure how much players can get paid).

It's a different game when you can't field and physically and athletically superior starting five. Look if the NBA let's Calipari sign LeBron, Deron Williams, Dwight Howard, Josh Smith, and Amare Stoudemire, DBSF is confident Calipari will have a playoff caliber team. But, under the more likely circumstances where he would have Kirk Hinrich playing guard for 25 minutes a game the outcomes might be a little less spectacular than his college coaching achievements.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Mr. DBSF, Antoine Walker, Contemplates a Return to the NBA


With gambling and other financial debts accruing, Antoine Walker has announced that he's gonna give pro-ball another go. This came as a pleasant surprise to DBSF as Antoine Walker regularly wins the annual "DBSF Community and Probity Award" for athletes who essentially only play professional sports because it supports the party lifestyle.

Walker brings a unique approach to the game. He finds the paint anathema, and he employs an avant garde interpretation of defense where it appears that he is basically never playing defense. When DBSF considers Walker's prospects, he thinks that teams will look at Walker like most financial analysts look at Uzbeki junk bonds--limited upside, virtually infinite risk.

Walker hates defense, likes to hoist ten-plus, ill-advised 3s, and often questions the "passing" rule in basketball. Therefore, you can expect to see him in a Golden State Warriors uniform this October.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Advantage White People: Race and the Sports Media

In social science, researchers seek to find two identical populations, apply a treatment to one (such as a social policy, like school vouchers) and measure the change between the treatment and the non-treatment (or control) groups. Ideally, the treatment groups will perform or act differently. Unfortunately in sports there is such a small population of athletes that it is difficult to get similar groups, let alone individuals (save perhaps for the Manning brothers).

However, in studying how the media portrays black and white athletes there exists an interesting case study. Ben Roethlisberger, and Michael Vick were both accused of felony crimes but in DBSF's opinion they were treated very differently by the sports media. Although the two differ in many ways that could contribute to how the media portrayed them (i.e., playing style, the crime they committed, where they grew up, etc.) DBSF believes race played a critical role in how the media vilified one (Vick) and protected the other (Roethlisberger).

Consider this. Both play QB in the NFL, both were first round draft picks, both were standouts in college (Vick a little more so), and both were accused of felonies. While many differences exist between the two players perhaps the primary one is that Vick is black and Roethlisberger is white.

In 2007, Vick was implicated in an interstate dog fighting ring, and served 18 months in jail. In the time leading up to the trial the media portrayed Vick as a villain. With images of mutated dogs, and of Vick in handcuffs surrounded by law enforcement officers, the media created caricature of a human being out of Vick. It was as if his involvement in the dog fighting was such a heinous crime that he was subhuman, and deserved incarceration.

Roethlisberger, on the other hand, who faced his second rape accusation in a year, received far different treatment. Rather than focus on a twenty-year old's accusation that he raped her in a club bathroom as a violent, deplorable act against women the media presented it as a distraction. The media asked questions like, will he be suspended? Will this delay his involvement in pre-season trainings with the team? Will this distract the Steelers' run for another Superbowl? Will they have to trade him because of his issues (referring to such offenses as 'issues' deserves consideration as an ultimate euphemism)? It was almost assumed that these charges were nothing more than a distraction from a more important pursuit--football.

Now, one might correctly point out a critical distinction--Vick was found guilty, and Roethlisberger's second rape accusation never even went to court. But--as DBSF understands it--Roethlisberger's accuser followed the standard protocol for victims of sexual assault in that she reported the event immediately and had a medical examination. But, at the advice of her lawyer, she dropped the charges when it became apparent that Roethlisberger would hire high-priced defense lawyers to publicly denigrate her so as to make her accusation seem less valid. If this is true then perhaps Roethlisberger conducted an even more ignominious offense after violently, sexually assaulting another human being by using his wealth and prestige to threaten to demean a victim further.

Interestingly, the sports media ignored this possibility.

NBA All PG County Team (Current)

At approximately 485 square miles, and less than 1 million people, PG County produces a disproportionately large amount of great basketball players. Take a look at any top D1 Men's or Women's college basketball team, and they likely have at least one from the county. More basketball stars come out of PG County than most metropolitan areas. Heck, there are time zones in the U.S. that don't produce the same amount of talent as PG.

Because of PG County's exceptional ability to produce talent (and because its culture serves as the genesis for this blog title), DBSF is conducting the top starting 5 PG County NBA players. This list only reflects current, active players. An all time list will follow (so, save your Danny Ferry and Michael Sweetney comments). Admittedly, this list will need editing. Please offer any rebuttals or suggestions and DBSF will post an official all-time, active PG County NBA roster later.

Point Guard: Ty Lawson (Nuggets)
A stud in college, the Nuggets guard averaged over 8 points, and 3 assists in 20 minutes of play his rookie season. He shot over 50%, which is amazing considering many rookie guards (i.e., Brandon Jennings) aspire to shoot 40%. Lawson is so quick that he usually appears only as a blur on most pre-1990 television sets.

Shooting Guard: Delonte West (Cavaliers)
Ol' Desperado. At his peak he was a 12 ppg, 3 rbg, and 3 apg guy. He's undersized for the 2 at 6'3" but he straps (i.e., plays defense). He also prefers a three-wheel motor cycle to the conventional two-wheel. Ergo, he's a renegade.

Small Forward: Kevin Durant (Thunder)
In his third year, here are some numbers to ponder--30.2 ppg, 7.6 rbg, 90%ft (goes to the line 10 times a game too), 1.4 spg, and 47% ft%.

Power Forward: Jeff Green (Thunder)
Northwestern High's own. He's a 15 and 6 guy but, DBSF would like to see his FG% and assists increase, which would start to distinguish him as one of the better players in the NBA.

Center: Michael Beasley (Heat)
Beasley's underperformed thus far in his NBA career but he's still a 15 and 6 guy in his second year. Should DWade leave Miami to take 25 shots a game somewhere else expect Beasley's numbers to improve. There's some indication that Beasley's affinity for blazing (PG County speak for smoking weed) is handicapping his performance.

Out by proximity: Roy Hibbert (Pacers)
Although he's actually from Queens, he stayed in PG County while in high school at Georgetown Prep (note: DBSF may have made up this last fact, he very well may have stayed in Gaithersburg . . . .we're kind of short on centers here). DBSF used to accuse Hibbert of being Shawn Bradley's long lost black twin brother, but after a 12 ppg, 6 rbg, 1.6bpg second season the critic has been silenced.

The team is slightly undersized but, its unlikely that you could come up with a better current starting 5 from a state outside of Maryland (including Baltimore--Rudy Gay), New York, and California.

Amendments?

The Inverse Relationship that Exists between NBA Players' Abilities and their Fashion



DBSF has encountered too many post-game interviews of LeBron in the Kanyesque goofy sweater and glasses to wonder how an individual so adept at one of the most challenging professions in this world can exhibit such a blatant disregard for fashion. Well, Kobe took it another step in this recent photo shoot. What looks like a practical joke gone wrong on account of the prankster going home before he told the prankee about the joke, Kobe is festooned in . . . well the image pretty much speaks for itself.

This begs the question then--is it the case that as an NBA player's skills and performance increase, his sense of style decreases commensurately. DBSF believes there's only one way to verify this hypothesis--look at the great one. No player matched Jordan's greatness on the court. Therefore, if the theory holds we would expect his style to fall somewhere between Dave Coulier in the 1980s and the JNCO jeans corporation.

And, what do we have . . . exhibit B above shows that . . . that, well . . .A) Jordan bought those jeans, B) he put them on, C) under the highly unlikely circumstance that he did not encounter one mirror , or reflective surface from the time he put them on to the period the photographer took this picture he believed that they were a feasible option for a night out on the town. So, its official. The better you are at basketball, the more you dress like you steal from Rugged Warehouse.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Professional Sports Leagues & Arizona SB 1070/ HB 2162

Effective July 28 police in Arizona are required to request an individual's registration documents when there is a reasonable suspicion that the individual could be in the country illegally. Failure to provide registration documents incurs arrest and a fine. DBSF recognizes the complexity of immigration reform, and that the issue becomes magnified in those states bordering Mexico. But, such legislation is based on fundamentally racist contexts. Regardless of debates that will ensue over the constitutionality of the law, or the Federal government's inefficacy in establishing comprehensive immigration reform, the fact remains that this policy will exclusively target persons of color.

Considering that major sports leagues are overwhelmingly non-white (approximately 82% of the athletes in the NBA, and 65% of the athletes in the NFL are persons of color), the sports leagues that benefit so greatly from these athletes' athletic prowess, and physical sacrifices should send a message to Arizona that they will oppose any state that so overtly discriminates on the basis of race. DBSF suggests that the major sports leagues should exclude all cities in Arizona (this will really only affect Phoenix) from hosting major exhibitions (i.e., the NBA All Star game), and championships (i.e., the Superbowl) as long as the policy is in effect. (All home games for existing Arizona teams would be allowed to be played in the state.)

With the Sunbelt getting hit particularly hard by the collapse of the housing market, the state could ill afford to lose out on the influx of tourism and out-of-state dollars associated with such major sporting events. Should the major sports leagues ignore the problem then they send a clear message to their players that the leagues are concerned about the athletes' well being on the field but, not off it.